Time to think?

Perhaps I'm getting lonely. Or maybe I'm just bored! One things for sure, I have three weeks off for easter and I am already getting a little melancholy.

I think this happens a lot when I stop doing things. Well obviously I'm still doing things, but the number of responsibilities I have have been clipped for this week and the following two, as not only have I time off of uni, but have no gigs lined up either. In fact my next gig is on April 19th, the day I start back (that gig is at the famous Frog and Bucket, oh joy, competitions!) Regardless, the more time I have to myself the more I start thinking and subsequently reflecting on my life.

It would be a fair assumption based on how things are going for me at the moment, compared to how they were going this time last year that the reflection would not be so disheartening. I have achieved much in this year alone, I have lost three stone and am on my way to losing my fourth, I have done wonderful things and learned just as much in the industry I chose for my degree. January even saw my entry into the wonderful world of stand-up comedy, which has added a whole new avenue to my life, which I will have fun exploring. Still... I can't shake the feeling that I can be doing more. I still have not taken the step towards my driving licence, the step being lessons. In fact no, not even lessons, the step simply being to commit to even shopping around for an instructor and picking up the phone, and dedicating even a scrap of my time to it.

There is also the rather decrepit state of my love life. I don't often speak of it because I prefer to get on with other things. I do genuinely believe that I am too busy and therefore too selfish with my time to commit to a relationship. I also know full well that I am perfectly capable, if not better able to have a good time being single, and yet... I am reminded constantly that the world functions on relationships. It is the natural order of things, to find a partner, to be in love, to get dumped, to shop for curtains together, to do all those horrible things that people annoy me with by letting me know how amazingly happy they are in their relationships. At first I thought it was a simple fact that gay men are shallow, and that was an easy excuse for me.

I decided however, that this excuse simply wasn't good enough. If I was giving gay men such a label (which I still believe is true in a much broader, thinner scope) then I was selling myself short. I am not shallow, I have a type just like everyone has a type, but at this point its safe to say my type does not have many limits. In truth, I never made the conscious decision to lose weight, it just happened. But it was a convenient way of testing whether the theory that I was not finding luck with relationships because I was fat, and I'd already solved the problem of being ugly around about the time I started working for AAA Web Design (I must have been about 19ish?) I remember the moment I'd decided I need a new image, it was when someone had wrongly assumed my age to be somewhere in the region of twenty five after I had just turned twenty. So I shaped the beard, hid the stray hairs and stopped wearing those horrible round glasses all the time and huzzah! suddenly I was upgraded from troll to average. This I accept, and also accept that it would take yet more work to get me from average to good looking, as it would with a lot of people in my predicament (some of that work has already happened, in losing weight my face and neck have lost some of the chubbiness they had before and my face looks a little more shapely.)

I remember telling people, as I continue to tell people, that weight never factored in my happiness. I was happy overweight, and I am not happy in my normal weight bracket. If anything, in trying to be better looking I am now more conscious about what people think of me, which is stupid (and I'm sure there is a little troll Sye inside of me, laughing in triumph as I think these things.) But here I sit, typing as I do on Nelly, my sweet little laptop. I sit here typing on a subject which quite frankly has become more and more prevalent as the year progress', and do you know why? University. All those drop dead gorgeous, seemingly interesting, intelligent, young, fit, healthy, ambitious and available men, my age, I tell you I've felt like a bitch on heat this year.

It's not even the sex side of it, in fact I imagine even if I did find someone who I felt something for, the subject would still need to be approached gently as its not something I'm too interested in. I'd like a little game of pin-the-tail-on-the-dartboard-and-lets-hit-the-sheets-captain as much as the next guy, but not AS much, if you know what I mean. I think I just want to see what all the fuss is about, I want to see if I can achieve that level of friendship with someone. That level of absolute trust and warmth. Love I guess, thats what I want. I get a lot of love from the people around me, but I do sometimes feel as though I am a large charity tub for their excess love, that they offer to me as small morsels of pity-love that I must mibble on to keep the pangs of loneliness at bay (sorry, I've been reading E.A.P.)

There it goes, off into the nether. My melancholy thought and its culmination on this web page, which will then retreat to where it came from. The back of my mind... I mean come on, I'm not bad looking, I'm nice, I'm funny, I have a good body, I am just very awesome, how stupid do you have to be to not like me!

When I do meet a good guy, I'm gonna kick him in the shins for not finding me sooner.

Last Week

I had a full week last week, boy let me tell you! In fact I would go as far as to say that last week has been the busiest week of the year. Lets break it down, old school...

Monday I traveled from Wigan in the morning to catch my class which ran from 11:30am to 12am, then went and met a friend for lunch. From there my friend and I caught the train to Manchester, then onto Stockport where I had a gig. The gig was filmed as part of a TV project, and I have been assured that I will get a copy of the gig, so stay tuned for that.

After that I had to hop on the train back to Manchester and from there back to Wigan to attend B.yoU (the youth group I frequent.) We had to sort things out for the residential at the weekend, dot the i's and so on. After the meeting, quick taxi home to pick up some extra clothes and then the last train back to Salford for some much needed respite.

Tuesday Up bright and early for a spot of swimming, I felt guilty as I had a cold the week before and didn't get a chance to go swimming at all, so I fancied a nice relaxing swim. From there to Voice class at 12am where we are working on our RP and American accents, and after that I had Movement class which is normally mask work but our Tuesday tutor was ill so we had Clowning instead, which is so awesome! Quick lunch then I'm off doing my shopping at Tesco's which consists of apples and bread (all my other shopping I buy in bulk once a month and store, it saves my poor little arms.)

Tuesday evening I enjoyed a lovely gig with my good friend Red Redmond who was on the bill with the likes of Colin Manford and the fabulous Jonathan Mayor. Its a really nice gig (the one I did in my pervious post) and a good place to network with other new acts.

Wednesday Oh boy, Wednesday. I was up at 8am and caught the train to Manchester, I had to catch a train down to London. I was being presented with an award by Stonewall for all the volunteering work that I've over the past six months. I arrived at London Euston two hours after setting off and got the ride the tube to Charing Cross. From there it was a short walk to Planet Hollywood where the other young volunteers and I enjoyed a nice complementary meal. Then it was a short walk to the London Eye which was amazing, as the day was really clear and sunny and you could see over the whole of london...

...I took an ass load of pictures which will make their way to my facebook eventually, and I also plan on making a number of project out of them, but for now, back to the story. After the eye we all took a brisk walk over to the Stonewall offices across the road (I know, across the road from the London Eye!) and met the gang. Well, I knew quite a lot of them anyway from the residential last august. We also got the chance to watch the first half hour of FIT, a new educational film by Rikki Beadle Blair (who is just lovely and awesome.) After that another brisk walk across the bridge and we had the award ceramony in a posh hotel (the kind of hotel someone who looks like me would be sleeping in the doorway of.)

It was all very pleasant and I got my award, I also got the chance to go out onto the balcony and get an amazing view of the Themes...

...and that was it, quick ride on the tube to Euston, then a train home. all in all a good day.

Thursday
Thursday wasn't perticularly eventful, classes as normal (yey more Clowning!) and in the evening I decided not to go to cheer leading. We did however get our team photo taken which I'm sure I will post at some point.

Friday
No classes on friday! Instead I had to be at my student union for 1pm, as I had a date with a camera. I was asked to be interviewed for one of the Uni's video projects. Basically they just asked me questions such as "what is a lecture?" and things like that, and I answered them. If I understand it correctly the aim of the video is to help teach younger people about Uni life.

After that it was straight back to Wigan, I had to pack for our wonderful residential to Coldwell near Pendle Hill. However, I will be saving the weekend for another post, as I am running out of time. I have a gig tonight and I need to get ready!

It suits me being that run-in, I like being busy. Although I admit that come Monday I was so tired I missed class in the morning, I felt like death. I have a three week break coming up this friday, so I will probably spend all of that playing games, watching comedy, chilling out, hanging out and generally living like scum. Can't wait!

Another gig...

...which went well!

I'm getting a bit concerned now because I know there's some shit gigs on the way, there must be. I'd rather get them out of the way early so that I don't get going and then flat line somewhere, that would be bad. What am I thinking, it's going to happen eventually. I should just ride the wave of good gigs while I can.

Oddly enough, Tuesday's gig was at the same venue as my second gig (which kinda goes to show that I'm not gigging enough) but the room was just as lovely and responsive and eager to let me play on stage, which thats exactly what I did.

Thats right, I had about five minutes of material in my head and that was it. Almost everything I said was either ideas that had been kicking around in my skull or improv'd on the night (and I admit that it is a really good night to improv considering the students just GET the jokes.) I think thats the best thing about improv, the fact that the jokes are being created in real time so everyone understands the thinking behind them. It also personalises the gig to the punters your performing to, although I've only clocked three gigs at this point, none of them have had the same set, and I really like that. I'm going to try and pimprov at least two minutes per spot now to see if it works out. I have seen a few open spots on the circuit more than once, and they have performed the same material each time, and its funny (it will be, its been tried and tested) but Id like to think everyone in the room can have a genuine laugh at my set even if I do 5 mins of pre-written stuff.

Who knows, maybe I'm biting off more than I can chew, I am only an open spot after all. I figure if I am going to be doing this kind of experimenting stage time I'm better off doing it now.