I feel a little lost again.
I hate that feeling, I've had it before quite a few times I think, but this times its a little unsettling. My stand-up has ground to a halt and to be frank, although I love being on stage and making people laugh, it just isn't at the number one spot on my list of 'things to do.' I feel slightly guilty in saying and feeling that because a lot of people are willing me to do well, and I myself didn't think I would turn out to be someone who would 'give stand-up a go' but actually continue as I meant to go on. Oops, that was past tense, I'm trying to avoid talking about stand-up in the past tense because I do intend to continue at some point, maybe after the summer.
I will tell you this, the world of stand-up comedy asks a lot and delivers so startlingly little. You trall though lists upon lists of promoters whom don't get back to you, should you approach them offering your time in return for their stage. Your expected to travel up and down the country at your own expense for as little as a ten minute open spot, unpaid and sometimes unnoticed. All this in the hope that at some point, maybe one or two years down the line, someone might offer you money for the privilege, which for the first three years or so will go towards paying and paying off travel expenses from previous excursions.
All this, and then be expected to play nice, to stay on the good side of those fickle promoters who would just as soon as give you a bad name than answer the phone to you. To travel two hours out of your way to have the audience say "He was good, but not as good as the last guy," and to know that if you even think about complaining you will be branded as a 'chancer' or a 'hobbyist' or simply 'your heart isn't in it.'
The comedy circuit at the moment is having its throat crushed by open spots, as it stands the best clubs in Manchester have a five to six month waiting list and unfortunately, that is pretty much the score. So unless theres a drop-out I can jump on for a spot, I will just have to wait. In the mean time, I have plenty to keep me busy. Mainly because...
SUMMER HOLIDAYS!
I have about four months to play with and relatively few goals to achieve during that time, the first being to start my driving lessons. I'm going to try and tone up as well, because I've succeeded in the first task (losing the weight) being half a stone over my 'ideal' weight for my height, I now have to do something about this unsightly loose skin.
My goal is to have something which tightens the skin on my upper arms, chest and abdomen (and hopefully my arse, and get rid of my last remaining hurdle... the love handles.) I'm not particularly vein about my appearance, but having a toned upper body will help me with my gymnastics and dancing (I've recently gotten back into street dance and ballet, weeee!) as well as my cheer leading. It will also tighten up some (but probably not all) of the loose skin I am now sporting, which in some ways almost feels as bad as being over weight did at times.
You know, I was talking to an acquaintance the other day at my brothers wedding, and he was asking 'whats your secret Sye, how did you lose all that weight', and being the honest and blunt person I am I said without thinking 'I stopped eating.' Thats a bit of a lie, I didn't stop eating, I just considerably cut down my eating while considerably raising my exercise. It wasn't something I planned to do, it was just because Uni had just started and I didn't find time to go food shopping, so lived off the few things I had with me (which were all healthy foods such as fruit and cereals) during my first project, which was an exhausting three week run as an extra in a show at the Lowry (read about it here.)
He then says, with a what I can only think of as a massive air of authority something along the lines of 'You shouldn't do that, thats the wrong way to lose weight.'
...
Ok first of all, porky, I know it is the wrong way to lose weight, I know that whats best for your body and for your mind is to lose weight gradually over a long period of time. I know that this is what causes most diets to fail or have extremely short term effects, I advise people the same thing. I know all of the things that most people continue to tell me when I tell them that I considerably cut down my eating habits and considerably increased my exercise, and you know what? I feel fantastic! Even though it was the wrong way to lose weight, I did lose weight. Since I was 17 Ive struggled with my weight, the high point being 18 when I weighted over my age in stone. Numerous times I went on a detox or a diet or simply attempted to cut out one of my calorific delights altogether, and each time such a pursuit landed flat on its arse. I went back into education, did more volunteering, took leisure walks with the dogs, and slowly adjusted my diet swapping high calorific things such as fizzy pop for healthy things such as water. I lost weight slowly in this method but still I leveled out at 16 stone. This was still medically overweight, 4 stone over my ideal weight for my height.
You know what worked? Uni. The first month and a half took an enormous amount of energy to keep myself going, and having to adjust to living by myself I was yet to organise an adequate diet food supply. I lost three within two months and another stone and a half over the next three months. I now sit at roughly 12st 4lbs, which is about two thirds of a stone over my ideal BMI, without accounting for muscle mass. Say what you want about how I lost the weight, fact is; I lost the weight and kept it off, and now I have something to work with if I wanted to tone up, which I do.
Furthermore, Mr "I know everything about how to lose weight, and therefore feel qualified to tell you how not to do it, despite my current physique," I suggest next time you ask me a question, you should be great-full if you get an answer which isn't the removal of all your body hair with a floor waxer.
