Steven #3

Here it is, number three of Steven the Gay Stormtrooper. My idea's list is getting low for Steven so I might make a dent in my regular comic idea's page. This will be nice, although Steven is only one strip, roughly the size of a quarter of an A4 piece of paper (in portrait) it is still a lot of work.

I prefer working at A4, I feel I have more space to tell a story. Also my jokes tend to need a bit of set-up for their full impact, so I feel a little cheap coming up with these one line jokes and obvious punchlines and puns (I don't, I love them, I'm just saying that to sound superior.)

I'm set until next year for the magazine, I might get some full pagers done in the meantime until I think of some new gay jokes.

Steven: Pilot

This strip took a little too long to polish, I think if it is going to be a regular thing (as I hope it will be) I will need to be more economic with my time and effort. Comments and critiques welcome!

My New Project

I love a project.

If your a regular reader (hi mum) you'll probably already be aware of this but it bares saying again; I love a project. Just reading this blog for longer than twenty minutes will tell you that if I can tackle something head on and make a meal of it, I usually enjoy myself and get a greater commitment from it.

About a month ago I got an email regarding Out On Campus, a new LGBT student magazine with content directed to LGBTQ students, written and submitted by LGBTQ students. In the email there was a call for submissions  writers, graphic designers, photographers etc. You name it and it was pretty much there being requested. Apart from from a comic of course. I sent them an email explaining that I am something of a cartoonist, and offering my services.

The magazine will publish Bi-monthly from November, so twenty four strips for a full year unless holidays are a no go, in which I'll probably still make something up as print-syndicated strips are relatively easy to make compared to my usual A4 full pagers. I've spent the week thinking up an idea which will combine what I am passionate about with the LGBT nature of the paper and I think I have landed on something which will allow me to get out a quick punchline comic for print without too much explanation...

I'm still working on some of the finer points of it. It will combine my love of sci-fi and general nerdy shit with the LGBT nature of the magazine. It will also give me easy access to a quick punchline using abstract jokes combining the fantastical star wars universe with our ordinary gay stereotypes.

I will say that if this strip is taken up for the magazine I will be getting my arse in gear and publishing it on my new blog as well. I was going to hold off publishing a web-comic on my blog until I could get a regular update schedule and comic buffer up, but if I will be producing a comic bi monthly anyway, why not?

Stay tuned my lovelies, more on this story as it develops.

Addendum: Out On Campus are still looking for submissions and people to fill roles on their voluntary staff, head over to their website if your interested!

Ok, I'll give you a teaser!

Coming soon...

Some GIFS I have amassed.

Ok so, I'm not sure how many of you are aware of Nerd Corner, a photo dump for all the random pictures I find which are funny, and attempt to share with others in an effort to make myself appear witty. Amongst the pictures are a number of GIFS which unfortunately do not run on facebook as they would normally on other websites, so here is a selection of some of my prize GIFS for you.

You might want to give these some time to load, I haven't included the entirety of my collection, it would be too much for your machine...

You know what I miss?

I miss making comics!

I loved making them, it was a combination of my drawing, graphic design and comedy writing which occupied the time when I would normally be bored anyway. I haven't made a comic in well over a year, probably two by now. My Graphics Tablet got damaged in transit while I moved to university last year which was a good excuse (besides 'I'm just too busy') to let these things fall by the way side.

Well, perhaps I am being a little cynical of myself. I have also had the chance to try other wonderful things! I am a cheerleading coach now for the Salford Sirens, getting up to level two gymnastics, I gave stand-up a go, I perform improvisational comedy and not to mention a wonderful circle of friends.

Days like this when I have about three or four hours to kill before my class, and no-one around to hang out with, is when I would work on a comic. I think I will be generous to myself at my next loan instalment and get a new graphics tablet (to go with my lovely new PC.)

Then you'll see some comics.

The whole year through: 2010

Happy new year everyone.

Every year I like to make one post which tries to bring everything together and evaluate the year. This was the year of 2010. I think the biggest thing to mention this year is that I bit the bullet and did something I as meaning to do and looking forward to trying since deciding to enter the field of performance.

Stand up.

After a bit of a shaky start I found that there is nothing that I have experienced (so far) which quite equates to the joy of making someone laugh, and having the opportunity to do that on stage in front of a willing audience is the highlight of my year. I had a wonderful time on the comedy circuit as an Open Spot, and learned things that have pushed me much further as a performer than I would have from Uni alone.

Alas, as much as I love performing stand-up and making people laugh, the downsides of the comedy circuit tar the otherwise wonderful experience. Bitchy comics, horrible promoters, the input/output ratio, the time and energy put behind the scenes. Most open spots will call me lazy and say my heart isn't in it but you know what? Its not. My heart isn't in it, and I will admit that. If my heart WAS in it, then I would already have gigs lined up every week by now. I performed stand-up from January to May and in that time totted up 15 gigs, I watched forums like a hawk, snapped opportunities from promoters and attended as much comedy as I could afford outside of my studies and I think three gigs a month average is a cracking first try considering the demand for spots. You may have noticed that sounds cocky and self confident, well;it is. I learned something important on the circuit which is great advice to give and hard to follow: Confidence is key. Yeah, I'm still shit by professional standards or paid standards and my problem when I was an Open Spot is taking that too harshly. I'm SUPPOSED to be shit, everyone is when they start out. Fact of the matter is, my shit to good gig ratio was leaning very close to good, if I wasn't such a delicate flower/arsehole I would be able to see that my problem isn't what others think of me, its what I allow them to make me feel. Until I learn that I can be shit in front of a crowd and survive to tell the tale, as I have done, I do not belong on the circuit and that includes giving stand-up my all.

Having said that, I plan on returning, and doing bits and bobs here and there. There is nothing better for learning stage craft than stand-up comedy, mark my words!

Well, thats pretty much half the year right there. After May I started my long-haul through summer. I planned on learning how to drive but unfortunately that never came to pass. Even though I had nothing to do, I found myself far too busy to sort out driving lessons. Again, I think its the idea that my heart wasn't truly in it and I therefore didn't put as much effort into it. I can only hope from here on in I take heed that my heart needs to be in more of the things that I need to get done! I have found I am very good at putting things off, and this is something I hope to tackle in the new year.

When Uni started back up, I was inspired! As you may be aware, at the beginning of each semester I have a large project to complete and in September of last year my work group and I began work on "Fear" which you can read all about at your leisure. That project taught me a valuable lesson: I love being busy and hate being bored. Also I learned that busyness in most forms reaps its own rewards whether that be making new comics, reading interesting books, watching television or going out with friends. Busy is good, busy is fun and adventurous, busy makes life go forward.

Speaking of which, my social life has been a boom this year. Friends of mine on facebook can attest to seeing me appear in more places on more profiles with friends on evenings out and at events. I think this is particularly true of those on my course. You don't go through what we go through together without forming an understanding relationship. I am so grateful to know these people. While studying at Bolton University, my very wise friend and excellent lecturer Albert Phipps told me that in university I would make friends that will be with me for the rest of my life, and I truly believe this. Even the idiots make life more interesting, my life has been enriched so much from being in that environment that I am now considering a move to Manchester full time (this is something I will need to do a lot of thinking on though.)

I gained another nephew this year of course, Alex who is just smashing. He is quite quirky and makes strange noises, mostly grunts. Aaron is a clever little shit, picks things up faster than his father and is a wonderfully cheeky chappy, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Jayden, well, he is developing into quite a sweet young man, he still isn't using English yet but he is certainly developing his own interesting language at a rate I am struggling to keep up with/

Lets finish on a hot topic of mine the past few years: health. I think my last report online was that I weighed in at 12 stone. I am roughly 12 stone at the moment, but I must say that I am on average over the past few months 11 to 11.5 stone, having gained half a stone since the Christmas holidays started.

I am looking better for it I think, particularly since I've been going to the gym this year and have managed to bulk up my arms and chest, as well as my stomach. The loose skin is and I fear will always be present on my body but its something I am going to learn to live with, I don't particularly want a large amount of muscle but as I am slowly turning into a 'good looking man' I need to consider the possibility that this is a role I may be asked to play. This in turn may lead me to need a 'good looking body' which fashion dictates is not one covered in stretch marks and loose skin. Don't think for one second that is the reason I am toning up, the main reason is that I want more strength to be able to perform very well in physical theatre and dance, I also want to feel better about the way I look. If I get a part as a handsome man who gets his kit off, well, I'll be ready for it. In other news, while we are on the subject of my image, I got my hair cropped to mid length. Reviews are favourable but naturally I want my old hair back as soon as possible which is usually the case.

That it I think. I haven't covered the whole year, but then this is the first time I think in the history of these posts were the review has been almost immediately after the end of the old year. I will soon be posting a reflection on last years resolutions, and beginning this years so stay tuned!

Email from accommodation...

________________________________________
From: Accommodation [Accommodation@salford.ac.uk]
Sent: 23 November 2010 14:49
To: [Sye] (UG); [Sye's email address]
Subject: Candles in rooms

DearMr [Sye]

On completing our recent room checking exercise, it was noted that there is a candle present within your room.  Your resident contract sets out your obligations and section 7Y clearly states that candles will not be used.  Because of this Health & Safety implication, your room has not been marked as Acceptable. A further room check will take place and, as long as the candles have been removed, your room will be marked as accepted.

Apart from the candle being present, your room was absolutely fine.

I hope you can support our concerns with students burning candles within their room and recognise the potentially serious health and safety implications.

Thank you

Site Services Assistants




________________________________________
________________________________________




Dear Site Services Assistant(s)

I apologise for my discretion in keeping a censer in my halls. I don't know what I was thinking, it must have been a moment of sheer madness, particularly given the dangerous nature of a covered tea light. I will of course remove the candle right away.

However, the censer's purpose is to mask the stale damp smell, I assume this is from the previous occupant as I do not think the walls are thick enough to conceal any dead bodies or rotten vegetables (I am not an engineer so feel free to correct me on this, again I apologise.) I understand completely that a candle in my halls is a high risk to all concerned, but the smell is bothersome. Almost to the point which I am willing to submerge my head almost entirely in water during my time in my room. I was considering adding some of my scented oil to the water, but this would probably make my hair greasy.

Is there a secret method unbeknownst to me to rid my halls of the smell of that 'foot-and-mouthy' musk? The censer does the trick without being overpowering and I only ever use it when I am both in my halls and awake, but as this is against the rules (again, I apologise) I will need to think of something else. Any suggestions are more than welcome, Cheers!

Kind regards,
- Sye Watts.

Dear man-across-the-road-from-me

Please do not leave your blind up when you are returning to your room from the shower. If you insist on carrying on with this behaviour, then please refrain from removing your towel before securing some sort of visual block aid between your genitals and my eyes.

I appreciate that this was simple an instance of coincidence. I was glancing down at your block of flats, you were de-robing in the vulnerable position of having returned from the wash room, presumably squeaky clean (although I didn't have my glasses on so, who knows.) It has not happened since, but I am somewhat nervous to look out of the window now as 'peeping tom' is not one of my many alias' and I intend to keep it that way.

It isn't that I do not find you attractive. Of course you are a little larger than the demographic would demand, but I find that oddly endearing in a person. Also you have a cute face. However, while I may sound hypocritical to those who know me, I am not one for glasses. A body without a name or a face or a laugh or a personality to it is nice, but it would have to be very nice indeed to justify a vigil at my window to catch a glimpse of you giving it all you've got, 'upfront.' If we cross eyes in the street at some point, I will not embarrass you by mentioning the incident. I am sure it sticks in your mind as much as it does mine. Feel free to introduce yourself at any point, it would be nice to put a voice and a name to the body, all of it. I feel our brief interlude shall simply have to remain a fleeting glance between the two halls containing us over the void of grass and earth between.

Good luck in your endeavours, and I hope to 'see' you under better circumstances sometime.

Regards
- Sye

PS: Tell the guy that lives two doors from you to the right, he is allowed to take his top off and dance around a little. As long as his blind is up, and I have my glasses on.

A video the Cheer Leaders and I made at "Mexican Night"...

First, watch this...

...then this..

"Fear" workshop, day three and four.

How sloppy of me to let me momentum slip!

Its the weekend now, or rather Friday afternoon, so its practically the weekend. I am sat comfortable at the desk in my room at home, and as such am free to evaluate the two days in which my group worked on our first performance project, "Fear."

On the Thursday I was only able to attend half of the days performance, due to clowning (more on that another time) and so missed a bit of the improv they went through to measure how fear can be generated by a few simple guidelines. What I was there for was the continuation of where we left off on the previous workshop. only this time with a little more emphasis on the controlling nature of my demon character, and increasing the clarity of the act of 'decision' that the protagonist must take between good and evil. It was interesting to pursue the exercise from the other day but I have to admit, I felt that I had done that already and learned what I could from it. Today some people mentioned wanting to do their sketches again or even in the performance itself, which made me sigh. Luckily I don't think that will be the case.

Today was all about sounds, and how we can use them to evoke the emagination of the audience. We were all tasked to bring an example of a piece of music we find to be scary, unnerving, or could in some way effect the feel of a scene to invoke fear. I chose Sally's Song from the Nightmare Before Christmas...

I don't really know why I chose that, I suppose its because there are a few discordant sounds in there, and the voice is quite shrill and eery (interestingly enough, while finding that video for you, I found a cover version by Amy Lee of Evenesence which is absolutely stunningly awesome.) After listening to the tracks that other people chose along with mine, we were able to discuss the ideas, emotions and in some cases (certainly some of mine) the narratives they conjure as we allow the music to take us on a journey.

It was certainly harder to have the images free flow in our heads (as a consensus) using the music with lyrics (such as mine) and it was generally agreed upon that soundtracks such as the Godfathers Theme (my second choice) and those from other such movies work best at generating unbiased streams of conciousness.

Finally, we gave an attempt at spoof. After looking at other examples in early cinematography at how music can give the audience the impressions and links and allow them to make certain in-obvious connotations with as little dialogue as possible (such films as 'White Zombie' and 'The Invisible Ghost.') The spoof really came about while watching the bad acting in those films, although for the way cinema worked at the time it was perfectly normal to be largely theatrical on film, these days film and theatre are two completely different worlds which is much separate from the mid nineteen hundreds theme of using theatre techniques...  and filming them. We took a track from one of the generic horror soundtrack CD's Mary (our director) brought along and set out at building a scene around the music using as little dialogue as possible.

I was disappointed in mine. Actually that's probably unfair, but then I am generally more critical of myself in private than I would let on. I thought that spoof would be something I was good at, being naturally comically inclined, but it seemed the other group got it without even thinking about it. The ironic thing is that some people in the other group with the same task I would argue do not have a single funny bone in their body, and yet they got it. This is sour grapes, obvious jealousy, but then what do you expect? Whats the point in thinking one of your strengths would serve you well, and you actually end up looking a fool (in a bad way) because of it. In fact, someone actually imparted some wisdom to us which was "Its much funnier when your not trying to be funny" which is ironic considering this is a lesson it took that person a semester to learn the year previous. That was vicious I suppose, but then I am actually more annoyed at myself than I am at the other people. Jealousy brings out the most vile creature in me, in most people I think, and I think I am over thinking things again as is my folly. I know I'm funny, I know I am funny when I don't want to be, I know that funny is spontaneous most of the time and controlled in only limited contexts.

Still, today left me feeling shit. Is that what it was supposed to do? I doubt it, and I doubt I will rectify the situation before division of our performance piece starts, but we shall see.

Fuck them, I'm well funny.

"Fear" workshop, day two.

Again, my apologies if this seems brief but I am on a time limit (I have a friend sat behind me as I write, as after this we are going to watch Ross Noble's new tour 'Non sensory Overload', and I am of course hella balls-to-the-wall excited.)

We began as usual with a workshop warm up, this time we focused on voice. We worked at creating harmony and discordance in equal measure, as a singular unit (that is, without letting the sound die between us, keeping it going and in many places alternating the breath.) Then we allowed ourselves to be led around the room with our eyes closed (working in pairs, alternating between the leader and the follower.) A suitable warmup, we were ready to begin.

Yesterday we were charged with finding a movie which had the basic theme of fear. Be it psychological thriller, horror, paranormal mystery, serial killers and what not. The movie I chose was Paranormal Activity, this being the most recent of that kind of movie which I have watched (not that I found it perticularly scary) and so it was easy for me to summarise it. I also liked the use of camera and its contemporary feel, almost realistic rather than naturalistic. My favourite or rather most memorable scene was one which happened during one of the evening filmings close to the end, when the lead female Katie is dragged with her foot from her bed by an unseen force...

We reviewed this and many other such films, like 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'The Orphan' discussing why the techinque worked ingenerating fear and the themes behind them. We touched on how the films differed and yet generated the same emotions, and how even the subject matter was vastly different from film to film.

After lunch we were tasked in small groups with devising our own short piece based on a loosely given plot synopsis. My group had "The last three minutes of a supernatural thriller, in which there must be a representation of a struggle between good and evil, with evil eventually winning." This was quite hard, abut I am pleased with what we did. Ours consisted of the protagonist 'Alice' having suffered the loss of her boyfriend a few months before, whom tried in vein to contact him using various occult sources of which one was the Ouija board. Through the board a demon comes and takes the form of her boyfriend which only she can see, and the boyfriend (played by myself) is the devil in her ear turning her against the altruistic best friend 'Carla'. The scene plays out and in the end the demon tricks Alice into killing her best friend. Given the amount of time we had to devise it I am pleased how it played out, and think that with more time it would only have gotten better.

I am afraid I will need to leave it here for now (and possibly indefinitely, or catchup on the next post) as it is time for a good dose of stand-up. I am so tired, I knew that the performance project will wear me out as it tends to, but with the cold on top of everything and having evening activities to attend, I have had little time to simple rest up and allow my body to work on battling this darn flu. Ah well, I shall persevere as I always do and take a little extra time to rest hard at the weekend.

Expect a review of the show at some point (Ross that is, but also this one when its finished.)

Back to school.

That time has rolled up once again, my second year of University starts later this month, and I cannot wait! The downs not withstanding from last years first year, the ups are something I am certainly looking forward to repeating.

Lets see if I can enumerate the Ups and Downs for your clarifical delights...

Ups

• Meeting some great people and making a heap of new friends
• Giving stand-up comedy a go
• Moving out and finding my feet (sort of)
• Learning a load of neat things such as the ins and outs of camera work, media analysis and voice
• Trying a load of neat things, such as video production, mask work and clowning
• Getting involved with Comedy Sportz Manchester
• Becoming a cheer leader
• Being involved with Beyond the Front Line
• Finding my bliss
• Being financially 'better off'
• Living in Manchester
• Losing weight and becoming fitter/healthier...

There are a lot there but actually I feel the list is too short, its missing something, it is incomplete or otherwise without. I suppose its the feeling of being a student, and everything that word entails whether that be fighting the stereotype of the student or embracing the lifestyle it engenders. There were downs though, I am not trying to rose tint your picture here as there certainly were things which took the shine from an otherwise perfect experience...

Downs

• Sharing a house with eleven people, most of whom horrible, horrible people
• Being, or having the feeling of being overlooked, or 'passed over'
• Getting passes in everything, when I am capable of so much more (and in some cases feel I did so much more)
• Not trying as hard as I know I could have
• Missing classes due to the lecturer being absent, and not per suing the matter for reimbursement
• Not making an effort to with people who could be closer friends than they are now...

I admit, that last one is something that I think we all suffer from, I certainly don't just regret it from Uni but from most situations I find myself. We all wear masks you see, I sometimes need to lower my barriers and just simply be with people as I am, and not try to impress people or be overtly polite to avoid offending them. Or act as naive as I do, because I know that is something I do a lot. I generally do believe there is a silver lining to every cloud, and in trying my hardest to be positive I am serving my friends and colleagues to the best of my ability but I regret that in some instances people want more than that.

In retrospect, its actually the people I spoke to in earnest that I consider closer than other in my year. Its the people I let my guard down to, even slightly, and shared my frustration with. It was that communal frustration, that agreement of nuances that brought us together and actually if it weren't for the fact that I am such a dowdy spinster and have some intimacy and trust issues I would probably be sharing a house now with some of them, lounging on the couch eating ice cream in the lap of a friend while we watch a zombie film or have some chill out music on.

I think I will aim for that this year. I have already made a list of the things I want to accomplish, and while I will append this to the end of it I won't go and add it to my original list, as the thought process is as important as the decision. I have said many times to many people, I often prefer the journey to the destination.

At the crossroads once more.

I feel a little lost again.

I hate that feeling, I've had it before quite a few times I think, but this times its a little unsettling. My stand-up has ground to a halt and to be frank, although I love being on stage and making people laugh, it just isn't at the number one spot on my list of 'things to do.' I feel slightly guilty in saying and feeling that because a lot of people are willing me to do well, and I myself didn't think I would turn out to be someone who would 'give stand-up a go' but actually continue as I meant to go on. Oops, that was past tense, I'm trying to avoid talking about stand-up in the past tense because I do intend to continue at some point, maybe after the summer.

I will tell you this, the world of stand-up comedy asks a lot and delivers so startlingly little. You trall though lists upon lists of promoters whom don't get back to you, should you approach them offering your time in return for their stage. Your expected to travel up and down the country at your own expense for as little as a ten minute open spot, unpaid and sometimes unnoticed. All this in the hope that at some point, maybe one or two years down the line, someone might offer you money for the privilege, which for the first three years or so will go towards paying and paying off travel expenses from previous excursions.

All this, and then be expected to play nice, to stay on the good side of those fickle promoters who would just as soon as give you a bad name than answer the phone to you. To travel two hours out of your way to have the audience say "He was good, but not as good as the last guy," and to know that if you even think about complaining you will be branded as a 'chancer' or a 'hobbyist' or simply 'your heart isn't in it.'

The comedy circuit at the moment is having its throat crushed by open spots, as it stands the best clubs in Manchester have a five to six month waiting list and unfortunately, that is pretty much the score. So unless theres a drop-out I can jump on for a spot, I will just have to wait. In the mean time, I have plenty to keep me busy. Mainly because...

SUMMER HOLIDAYS!

I have about four months to play with and relatively few goals to achieve during that time, the first being to start my driving lessons. I'm going to try and tone up as well, because I've succeeded in the first task (losing the weight) being half a stone over my 'ideal' weight for my height, I now have to do something about this unsightly loose skin.

My goal is to have something which tightens the skin on my upper arms, chest and abdomen (and hopefully my arse, and get rid of my last remaining hurdle... the love handles.) I'm not particularly vein about my appearance, but having a toned upper body will help me with my gymnastics and dancing (I've recently gotten back into street dance and ballet, weeee!) as well as my cheer leading. It will also tighten up some (but probably not all) of the loose skin I am now sporting, which in some ways almost feels as bad as being over weight did at times.

You know, I was talking to an acquaintance the other day at my brothers wedding, and he was asking 'whats your secret Sye, how did you lose all that weight', and being the honest and blunt person I am I said without thinking 'I stopped eating.' Thats a bit of a lie, I didn't stop eating, I just considerably cut down my eating while considerably raising my exercise. It wasn't something I planned to do, it was just because Uni had just started and I didn't find time to go food shopping, so lived off the few things I had with me (which were all healthy foods such as fruit and cereals) during my first project, which was an exhausting three week run as an extra in a show at the Lowry (read about it here.)

He then says, with a what I can only think of as a massive air of authority something along the lines of 'You shouldn't do that, thats the wrong way to lose weight.'

...

Ok first of all, porky, I know it is the wrong way to lose weight, I know that whats best for your body and for your mind is to lose weight gradually over a long period of time. I know that this is what causes most diets to fail or have extremely short term effects, I advise people the same thing. I know all of the things that most people continue to tell me when I tell them that I considerably cut down my eating habits and considerably increased my exercise, and you know what? I feel fantastic! Even though it was the wrong way to lose weight, I did lose weight. Since I was 17 Ive struggled with my weight, the high point being 18 when I weighted over my age in stone. Numerous times I went on a detox or a diet or simply attempted to cut out one of my calorific delights altogether, and each time such a pursuit landed flat on its arse. I went back into education, did more volunteering, took leisure walks with the dogs, and slowly adjusted my diet swapping high calorific things such as fizzy pop for healthy things such as water. I lost weight slowly in this method but still I leveled out at 16 stone. This was still medically overweight, 4 stone over my ideal weight for my height.

You know what worked? Uni. The first month and a half took an enormous amount of energy to keep myself going, and having to adjust to living by myself I was yet to organise an adequate diet food supply. I lost three within two months and another stone and a half over the next three months. I now sit at roughly 12st 4lbs, which is about two thirds of a stone over my ideal BMI, without accounting for muscle mass. Say what you want about how I lost the weight, fact is; I lost the weight and kept it off, and now I have something to work with if I wanted to tone up, which I do.

Furthermore, Mr "I know everything about how to lose weight, and therefore feel qualified to tell you how not to do it, despite my current physique," I suggest next time you ask me a question, you should be great-full if you get an answer which isn't the removal of all your body hair with a floor waxer.

Lets get my blog on.

Lets go over some of the stuff I've been up to recently.

First of all, regarding my last blog, I'm afraid that even the best of us get a little frustrated at being alone. I refuse to apologise for it, and as this blog has pretty much replaced my written diary, its up to me what I write, so there. Although, I myself am not comfortable with everyone and anyone getting their mits on my shortcomings and vulnerabilities, I should definitely consider digging out the last of my diaries and writing "Four years later...".

Four weeks left of my first year of Uni now, the final stretch before an uninterrupted summer break. The pressure is somewhat piling on, but I have consistently been achieving merits this year and therefore feel with the extra work I have put in, I deserve a little breathing room. I will not be resting on my laurels however, you won't catch me idly twiddling my thumbs waiting for next year to start, oh no! I intend on using some of my remaining loan to learn how to drive over the summer. I may even push for a small summer job, maybe a little light weekend work to tide me over and make sure my loan doesn't disappear completely.

Stand-up is up standing at the moment. Well, as far as my last gig is concerned it is, as I had such an awesomely ripping time with the other Manchester acts in one of the fullest, loveliest rooms I have ever played which for loyalty purposes I shall name: Yours Bar (the student bar on Salford Uni campus.)

The gig before was awful, but I have learned to take something from every gig I do, be it good or bad. I've learned that I am still a new act and I shouldn't be punishing myself for having a bad gig. I have learned that pressure and nerves make for an unfunny Sye, and to that end I need to channel the nerves into energy for my set rather than fear in my belly. I have learned that competitions are different to open spots in clubs or evenings simply in the way the audience judge you and share high expectations which are usually unfounded (as particular with Beat the Frog which is largely for new acts.) I am umming and arring about whether to start keeping a gig diary online, I mean I certainly want to keep one on paper (I have a diary, which I went out and bought specially the other day but it starts at August of this year, so I'll need a notebook until then I guess.) I need something to record who I am on with, how I expect the gig to go, how it actually goes, what I like, what I don't like, that kind of thing. Something which I can use to self evaluate, and also note down anything I think I can use at a later gig (as I do come up with some good stuff while on stage.)

I think since starting in January the main lesson is to slow down, to not expect big things so quickly. I think because (disregarding my first gig) I had a string of good gigs when I started I sort of hit the ground running, and when my inexperience caught up with me I took it much harder than an open spot at my level should have. I should enjoy the good gigs by all means, but learn from the bad gigs, instead of instantly deciding that I am shit and should never disgrace the stage and the name of comedy ever again. Right now my key issues are:

• Be comfortable on stage.
• Make sure the audience is having as much fun as I am.
• Learn my routines, word perfect.

Once I feel I have achieved those, I will work on...

• Riff more from the audience, using less material.
• Write more.
• Be more adventurous on stage.

Watching stand-up in and around Manchester really helps a lot, and I am finding that being friends with comedians is almost as rewarding as stage time. Like most institutions, the comedy circuit does have its dog-eat-dog aspects, but I really am enjoying spending time with comedians before and after shows, learning from them and sharing their anxieties. Talking comedy to those who know the ropes and getting to know people with whom I share the title of 'Open Spot.'

Then again, I have always been one to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

Time to think?

Perhaps I'm getting lonely. Or maybe I'm just bored! One things for sure, I have three weeks off for easter and I am already getting a little melancholy.

I think this happens a lot when I stop doing things. Well obviously I'm still doing things, but the number of responsibilities I have have been clipped for this week and the following two, as not only have I time off of uni, but have no gigs lined up either. In fact my next gig is on April 19th, the day I start back (that gig is at the famous Frog and Bucket, oh joy, competitions!) Regardless, the more time I have to myself the more I start thinking and subsequently reflecting on my life.

It would be a fair assumption based on how things are going for me at the moment, compared to how they were going this time last year that the reflection would not be so disheartening. I have achieved much in this year alone, I have lost three stone and am on my way to losing my fourth, I have done wonderful things and learned just as much in the industry I chose for my degree. January even saw my entry into the wonderful world of stand-up comedy, which has added a whole new avenue to my life, which I will have fun exploring. Still... I can't shake the feeling that I can be doing more. I still have not taken the step towards my driving licence, the step being lessons. In fact no, not even lessons, the step simply being to commit to even shopping around for an instructor and picking up the phone, and dedicating even a scrap of my time to it.

There is also the rather decrepit state of my love life. I don't often speak of it because I prefer to get on with other things. I do genuinely believe that I am too busy and therefore too selfish with my time to commit to a relationship. I also know full well that I am perfectly capable, if not better able to have a good time being single, and yet... I am reminded constantly that the world functions on relationships. It is the natural order of things, to find a partner, to be in love, to get dumped, to shop for curtains together, to do all those horrible things that people annoy me with by letting me know how amazingly happy they are in their relationships. At first I thought it was a simple fact that gay men are shallow, and that was an easy excuse for me.

I decided however, that this excuse simply wasn't good enough. If I was giving gay men such a label (which I still believe is true in a much broader, thinner scope) then I was selling myself short. I am not shallow, I have a type just like everyone has a type, but at this point its safe to say my type does not have many limits. In truth, I never made the conscious decision to lose weight, it just happened. But it was a convenient way of testing whether the theory that I was not finding luck with relationships because I was fat, and I'd already solved the problem of being ugly around about the time I started working for AAA Web Design (I must have been about 19ish?) I remember the moment I'd decided I need a new image, it was when someone had wrongly assumed my age to be somewhere in the region of twenty five after I had just turned twenty. So I shaped the beard, hid the stray hairs and stopped wearing those horrible round glasses all the time and huzzah! suddenly I was upgraded from troll to average. This I accept, and also accept that it would take yet more work to get me from average to good looking, as it would with a lot of people in my predicament (some of that work has already happened, in losing weight my face and neck have lost some of the chubbiness they had before and my face looks a little more shapely.)

I remember telling people, as I continue to tell people, that weight never factored in my happiness. I was happy overweight, and I am not happy in my normal weight bracket. If anything, in trying to be better looking I am now more conscious about what people think of me, which is stupid (and I'm sure there is a little troll Sye inside of me, laughing in triumph as I think these things.) But here I sit, typing as I do on Nelly, my sweet little laptop. I sit here typing on a subject which quite frankly has become more and more prevalent as the year progress', and do you know why? University. All those drop dead gorgeous, seemingly interesting, intelligent, young, fit, healthy, ambitious and available men, my age, I tell you I've felt like a bitch on heat this year.

It's not even the sex side of it, in fact I imagine even if I did find someone who I felt something for, the subject would still need to be approached gently as its not something I'm too interested in. I'd like a little game of pin-the-tail-on-the-dartboard-and-lets-hit-the-sheets-captain as much as the next guy, but not AS much, if you know what I mean. I think I just want to see what all the fuss is about, I want to see if I can achieve that level of friendship with someone. That level of absolute trust and warmth. Love I guess, thats what I want. I get a lot of love from the people around me, but I do sometimes feel as though I am a large charity tub for their excess love, that they offer to me as small morsels of pity-love that I must mibble on to keep the pangs of loneliness at bay (sorry, I've been reading E.A.P.)

There it goes, off into the nether. My melancholy thought and its culmination on this web page, which will then retreat to where it came from. The back of my mind... I mean come on, I'm not bad looking, I'm nice, I'm funny, I have a good body, I am just very awesome, how stupid do you have to be to not like me!

When I do meet a good guy, I'm gonna kick him in the shins for not finding me sooner.

Last Week

I had a full week last week, boy let me tell you! In fact I would go as far as to say that last week has been the busiest week of the year. Lets break it down, old school...

Monday I traveled from Wigan in the morning to catch my class which ran from 11:30am to 12am, then went and met a friend for lunch. From there my friend and I caught the train to Manchester, then onto Stockport where I had a gig. The gig was filmed as part of a TV project, and I have been assured that I will get a copy of the gig, so stay tuned for that.

After that I had to hop on the train back to Manchester and from there back to Wigan to attend B.yoU (the youth group I frequent.) We had to sort things out for the residential at the weekend, dot the i's and so on. After the meeting, quick taxi home to pick up some extra clothes and then the last train back to Salford for some much needed respite.

Tuesday Up bright and early for a spot of swimming, I felt guilty as I had a cold the week before and didn't get a chance to go swimming at all, so I fancied a nice relaxing swim. From there to Voice class at 12am where we are working on our RP and American accents, and after that I had Movement class which is normally mask work but our Tuesday tutor was ill so we had Clowning instead, which is so awesome! Quick lunch then I'm off doing my shopping at Tesco's which consists of apples and bread (all my other shopping I buy in bulk once a month and store, it saves my poor little arms.)

Tuesday evening I enjoyed a lovely gig with my good friend Red Redmond who was on the bill with the likes of Colin Manford and the fabulous Jonathan Mayor. Its a really nice gig (the one I did in my pervious post) and a good place to network with other new acts.

Wednesday Oh boy, Wednesday. I was up at 8am and caught the train to Manchester, I had to catch a train down to London. I was being presented with an award by Stonewall for all the volunteering work that I've over the past six months. I arrived at London Euston two hours after setting off and got the ride the tube to Charing Cross. From there it was a short walk to Planet Hollywood where the other young volunteers and I enjoyed a nice complementary meal. Then it was a short walk to the London Eye which was amazing, as the day was really clear and sunny and you could see over the whole of london...

...I took an ass load of pictures which will make their way to my facebook eventually, and I also plan on making a number of project out of them, but for now, back to the story. After the eye we all took a brisk walk over to the Stonewall offices across the road (I know, across the road from the London Eye!) and met the gang. Well, I knew quite a lot of them anyway from the residential last august. We also got the chance to watch the first half hour of FIT, a new educational film by Rikki Beadle Blair (who is just lovely and awesome.) After that another brisk walk across the bridge and we had the award ceramony in a posh hotel (the kind of hotel someone who looks like me would be sleeping in the doorway of.)

It was all very pleasant and I got my award, I also got the chance to go out onto the balcony and get an amazing view of the Themes...

...and that was it, quick ride on the tube to Euston, then a train home. all in all a good day.

Thursday
Thursday wasn't perticularly eventful, classes as normal (yey more Clowning!) and in the evening I decided not to go to cheer leading. We did however get our team photo taken which I'm sure I will post at some point.

Friday
No classes on friday! Instead I had to be at my student union for 1pm, as I had a date with a camera. I was asked to be interviewed for one of the Uni's video projects. Basically they just asked me questions such as "what is a lecture?" and things like that, and I answered them. If I understand it correctly the aim of the video is to help teach younger people about Uni life.

After that it was straight back to Wigan, I had to pack for our wonderful residential to Coldwell near Pendle Hill. However, I will be saving the weekend for another post, as I am running out of time. I have a gig tonight and I need to get ready!

It suits me being that run-in, I like being busy. Although I admit that come Monday I was so tired I missed class in the morning, I felt like death. I have a three week break coming up this friday, so I will probably spend all of that playing games, watching comedy, chilling out, hanging out and generally living like scum. Can't wait!

Another gig...

...which went well!

I'm getting a bit concerned now because I know there's some shit gigs on the way, there must be. I'd rather get them out of the way early so that I don't get going and then flat line somewhere, that would be bad. What am I thinking, it's going to happen eventually. I should just ride the wave of good gigs while I can.

Oddly enough, Tuesday's gig was at the same venue as my second gig (which kinda goes to show that I'm not gigging enough) but the room was just as lovely and responsive and eager to let me play on stage, which thats exactly what I did.

Thats right, I had about five minutes of material in my head and that was it. Almost everything I said was either ideas that had been kicking around in my skull or improv'd on the night (and I admit that it is a really good night to improv considering the students just GET the jokes.) I think thats the best thing about improv, the fact that the jokes are being created in real time so everyone understands the thinking behind them. It also personalises the gig to the punters your performing to, although I've only clocked three gigs at this point, none of them have had the same set, and I really like that. I'm going to try and pimprov at least two minutes per spot now to see if it works out. I have seen a few open spots on the circuit more than once, and they have performed the same material each time, and its funny (it will be, its been tried and tested) but Id like to think everyone in the room can have a genuine laugh at my set even if I do 5 mins of pre-written stuff.

Who knows, maybe I'm biting off more than I can chew, I am only an open spot after all. I figure if I am going to be doing this kind of experimenting stage time I'm better off doing it now.

My second gig...

...was amazing!

Don't worry, as I hit the circuit Im not going to report on how every one of my gigs go, but this one is a major turning point considering how bad my last one went; let me take you on a journey...

I had emailed the promoter of Yours Comedy which is a comedy night held at Salford student union at the weekend, but didn't hear anything back for a few days and so assumed I was not on the bill. On the monday, Red (Red Redmond, my comedy buddy) and I went to see Beat the Frog (BtF) at the Frog and Bucket which is a comedy club in manchester, famous for harbouring such serial comedians as Peter Kay, Johnny Vegas, Alan Carr etc... and has a fantastic, electric energy.

BtF was compared by the gloriously fabulous Jonathan Mayor whom I had a brief chance to chat with and is so genuinely charming, I can't wait to hit the circuit for the chance to be on a bill with him. We watching the two eight minute spots who were very good and the competition started. For anyone who doesn't know, BtF is a friendly(ish) gong show, comedians and comediennes try to be consistently funny for five minutes, if they manage five minutes without being gonged off (three random members of the audience are given score cards, if all three cards are raised, the acts are gonged) which is a lot harder than it sounds (and it doesn't sound easy, does it.)

We stayed for the first half, in which we saw three acts. The first was dissapointing, he was a guy who 'had tourrettes' (I have quoted it because I'm not 100% convinced he genuinnely has tourrettes, and a number of sources have evidence to support my doubts) which isn't a bad thing, except that his comedy didn't really hold water besides the random outbursts of swearing which to me seemed contrived (hence my doubts.) Even this along is fine, because BtF is a place for new acts to hone their skills as I hope to do at some point, yes it was mainly the 'ticks' which were getting the laughs and some of his jokes I'm sure I'd heard before but the worst was yet to come. Towards the end of the five minutes so spent about thirty seconds saying "I can't believe this, I have genuinely forgot my act" and then being silent for a bit, then saying it again. Now at first everyone said "Aaaawwww" and after about ten or so seconds, assuming he was just going to leave the stage having made people laugh and ran out of steam, the audience started to applaud. The cheeky sod stayed on the stage because he'd remembered his material! A few minutes later the music played signalling five minutes and he had supposedly 'Beat the Frog', which in fact, he didn't.

Anyway, It was a bit of a turn around but I'm not bitter (I probably would be if I was in the comp) because if he thinks his material is good and it made people laugh, he will keep doing it; if it keeps working, then good, but I can't help thinking at some point he will get a crowd who thought the same thing as I do and a few other people at the back of the room. I won't dwell on that but the evening had left me feeling anxious about performing stand-up considering that the act after him has been on the circuit a while and even compared a few shows, and she got gonged off within a few minutes (which isn't a reflection on her, she is actually funny, well she would have to be to compare right?) If people are gonging off good acts and keeping on people who admit to forgetting their material in the middle of their set, what hope was there for me?

Due to massive failures by the transport of Manchester it took me about two hours to get home (long story) but when I got home on the Monday, I checked my emails and what should I find? I'd been given an open spot for the day after! Christ I was shitting myself.

In fact, Red had read (har har) the line up for Tuesdays comedy night before I had, so he literally knew I was on before I did. I spent about four hours priming my material and had got a collection which genuinely made me laugh every time I read through it, but after seeing BtF I was so nervous I was having coffee farts all evening. Red came round to my halls to check through my stuff and just stop me from going insane, which was massive help to me, I doubt it would have gone as well without his support. The time came to go there and wait for the show to begin, which it inevitably did. the compare arrived, as did all the other acts for the stage that night and I was second on (I wasn't told, which added a bit of comedy to me doing mincing dash to the stage from the back of the room) then the fun began.

It was amazing! I remember much more of it this time, I remember there being a lot more improv than I intended but I only carried on with it because the audience loved it! The room was alive with energy and I was just encouraged to push my material to its limits, in the end I didn't even get halfway through my material before I had to finish on a strong gag and give someone else a chance, but the applause and laughter were genuine and to my ears it was thunderous and divine. I didn't want to leave the stage! At the rate I was going, I probably could have stretched my material over twenty minutes and beyond.

thinking back, there were definitely moments which I used improv because I had forgotten the link to the next joke, and there were a couple of moments were I stood on stage thinking, but I became quickly aware that I was losing the energy of the room and as soon as I got that, my material came flooding back. I also did a terrible thing, at the start of my act where I improv to get into my material I ended up picking on an audience member, and It was quite a bitchy thing that I said which I feel bad about. Even if everyone laughed and loved it, I'd hate to think that the person I hit with a comeback left the gig feeling bad. I realised this throughout my act and offered a few consolidation gags to him, and apologised to him afterwards so I think its cool.

I just wanted to stay on the stage and perform to the audience, I wanted to get into what I'd started but there just wasn't any time. The next thing I'll do is tighten my act, cut what didn't hit the high notes and condense so that I get further down my set in ten minutes and be able to finish with a strong gag at the end before I leave.

The last time I did stand up, I felt like shit afterwards, I really did. This time, I cannot wait to get back on stage and make people laugh!

The whole year through: 2009

Like last year, I am late in posting this, this being of course a review of the previous year as a narrative, summed up in a single post. Lets start where I left off shall we? one year ago...

After making the monumental decision to make the intangable leap from psychology to performing arts, my mind became a battlefield. Psychology was a race to the finnish, I was so eager to get started at Salford uni but my pyshcology course was gaining pace as it was reaching its finale. Assignments piled one on top of the other as the stress mounted, what was harder however was that the stress mounted, penetrated and didn't even cuddle me afterwords...

I am speaking of course, of the nonesense which began in January of last year, and continued througout 2009 and beyond. The day after last years post, Jayden Watts was born by caesarian section. My nephew was a month premature and was kept in hospital for over a month with one ailment or another, he was finally released after a hernia operation. However, Jayden's parents; my brother Colin and his girlfriend Sarah are two morons, and I mean that in every concievable sense of the word. Both of them were at the time claiming DLA, him for ADHD and her for... Is 'thick as pig shit' a medical term? well whatever it was, social services were not going to let them try to raise a child, and my brother knew it way before the birth. I feel I should mention that my brother re-entered our lives in august of 2008 after three years of no contact, of course Sarah was heavily pregnant, which lead us all to see the obvious; that he had knocked up an idiot (as idiots tend to do,) and is coming crying to daddy for help, but I digress.

Naturally, family is a very important tradition to us so my parents were not going to let Jayden into the adoption system were we would never see him again, unfortunately however this left us with only one option. Thats right, my parents began the lengthy proceedure of adopting my nephew (well, becoming 'special guardians' or whatever.) It was not easy, social services were fighting us every step of the way at that point and we needed to make some major changes, which were unfortunately for me going to coincide with these late deadlines and so on; the worst was still to come and I had no idea of it.

As briefly mentioned here, my parents won the right to be 'emergancy foster carers' which was at the time a major triumph but came at a price. As all the stress was piling on with uni, I was asked to leave home while the police sorted out my security check, I was booted out of my own house at a time when I really needed their support. The worse thing was that they (my parents) were apologising and felt so guilty that I had to leave (which was my choice, and I made it knowing how hard my parents were fighting for custody of my nephew,) add to that the nonesense with B.yoU, and old youth group I used to frequent which was pushing for a new production (which I had written and was starring in,) the stress was certainly piling up.

Not to mention it was around this time that I had put my application in to Salford through UCAS, for a performance course. I didn't hear anything back for what seemed like forever, which did not do to improve my mood, things were looking bleak. I heard back from salford and it was time for my audition which went... well, I explained it better here but in a nutshell, I was not impressed with how they handled it but was pleased to have a desirable outcome; This time I was all set to start my life in salford after the summer...

...but I didn't hear anything. For over six weeks I didn't hear anything after my interview. Nothing changed on UCAS, I couldn't apply for student finance but what was worse? I didn't even know whether I had got onto any of the courses I applied for or not (and had only applied for Salford in the first place.) Eventually, they updated my UCAS and I was surprised to find out I had been offered a place on HND media and performance, I was looking forward to it.

Roll on a few more month and major renovation work was almost complete on the house, new carpets and flooring, redecorating througout, a wall to split one of the larger rooms into a bedroom for me and a nursery for Jayden, it was a lot of work. My course has just about ended with all my assignments handed in and everything as it should be. It was about this time that my brother got married to my (now) sister-in-law Tammy, and we had to clean their house in its entirity because I was asked to dog/house sit for them and the place was layered with years and years worth of trash, but we did it and that worked out fine as well. It was also at this time we found out that my third nephew is on the way, he is due in March, and his name is Alex (I'm sure with the next kids my brother and sister-in-law will start on the 'b's.)

What followed this was a long and empty summer, filled with the sort of bubble gum dreams and meadow frolicking you would see in any teen movie, except it was all supported by the high I got from knowing that in the September to come, I would be starting university and my life was going to change. Jayden was assigned a new social worker who was at last working with us instead of against us and I managed to move back home, into a broom cupboard with a bed in it (which I was greatfull for, having spent over a month living as a burden on my brother and his girlfriend, in their house across the road.) I am getting my times mixed up here I think, It must have been more than a month spent at my brother's house, as I remember going to Bolton uni while staying there, funny thing memory isn't it?

In august, just before my birthday, I went on a weekend residential to train as a Stonewall Youth Volunteer, I had a wonderful time and made some cracking friends whom I can't wait to see again at the awards ceremony this coming march. Since last august I have been working on a campaign to improve the situation regarding homophobic bullying in schools. however, the verdict is still out on how successful I will be.

Lets see, where are we up to now... ...lets call it September. My summer was over, all of the finance and accommodation stuff has been sorted out, it was time to head to Uni. After moving over and breaking the ice with freshers week (I didn't attend much, shocking I know) it was time to start my course; HND Media and Performance. The year kicked off with a three week project at the Lowry which was called Beyond the Front Line (I blogged the whole thing, and even I like reading over it every now and again.) It was on this installation workshop that I made friends with some fantastic people, the sort of people you know you will be friends with for many years to come (also the sort I had already made while studying at Bolton Uni.)

Also, and I still don't know how to be truthfully honest, I ended up joining the Salford Sirens, which is Salford Uni's cheer leading squad. I don't do the dances, but I do the stunts (lifting and making pyramids and such) and the tumbles (the gymnastics, I'm almost able to flip flop!) I think I may have touched on this as a part of my series on healthy living, but it is fantastic exercise and has just enough danger to be manly.

And there you have it. Aside from an amazing amount of weight lost compared to previous rates of weight loss (16-15st at the beginning of 2009, 13.1st at the end) I have pretty much settled into life as a first year student. That's not to say that life is uneventful, stand-up is still my main goal and I have a few things in mind for the coming year as well as learning to drive, not to mention this improvisation course I am starting (in about two hours, weee!) at the comedy store which I will probably post about another time.

I always gauge my life on how many things I have to worry about. If I have a lot to be worried about, I'm obviously not doing too well, but if I have relatively few worries then things are looking good. at this point, I have much less worries than I did a year ago and I hope the trend continues. See me in a years time, doing a ten minute open spot and ripping the house down with improvisational eccentricity.

It is going to be a fantastic year.

PS: I know this is half a month late, but I was too busy having fun. x