The whole year through: 2010

Happy new year everyone.

Every year I like to make one post which tries to bring everything together and evaluate the year. This was the year of 2010. I think the biggest thing to mention this year is that I bit the bullet and did something I as meaning to do and looking forward to trying since deciding to enter the field of performance.

Stand up.

After a bit of a shaky start I found that there is nothing that I have experienced (so far) which quite equates to the joy of making someone laugh, and having the opportunity to do that on stage in front of a willing audience is the highlight of my year. I had a wonderful time on the comedy circuit as an Open Spot, and learned things that have pushed me much further as a performer than I would have from Uni alone.

Alas, as much as I love performing stand-up and making people laugh, the downsides of the comedy circuit tar the otherwise wonderful experience. Bitchy comics, horrible promoters, the input/output ratio, the time and energy put behind the scenes. Most open spots will call me lazy and say my heart isn't in it but you know what? Its not. My heart isn't in it, and I will admit that. If my heart WAS in it, then I would already have gigs lined up every week by now. I performed stand-up from January to May and in that time totted up 15 gigs, I watched forums like a hawk, snapped opportunities from promoters and attended as much comedy as I could afford outside of my studies and I think three gigs a month average is a cracking first try considering the demand for spots. You may have noticed that sounds cocky and self confident, well;it is. I learned something important on the circuit which is great advice to give and hard to follow: Confidence is key. Yeah, I'm still shit by professional standards or paid standards and my problem when I was an Open Spot is taking that too harshly. I'm SUPPOSED to be shit, everyone is when they start out. Fact of the matter is, my shit to good gig ratio was leaning very close to good, if I wasn't such a delicate flower/arsehole I would be able to see that my problem isn't what others think of me, its what I allow them to make me feel. Until I learn that I can be shit in front of a crowd and survive to tell the tale, as I have done, I do not belong on the circuit and that includes giving stand-up my all.

Having said that, I plan on returning, and doing bits and bobs here and there. There is nothing better for learning stage craft than stand-up comedy, mark my words!

Well, thats pretty much half the year right there. After May I started my long-haul through summer. I planned on learning how to drive but unfortunately that never came to pass. Even though I had nothing to do, I found myself far too busy to sort out driving lessons. Again, I think its the idea that my heart wasn't truly in it and I therefore didn't put as much effort into it. I can only hope from here on in I take heed that my heart needs to be in more of the things that I need to get done! I have found I am very good at putting things off, and this is something I hope to tackle in the new year.

When Uni started back up, I was inspired! As you may be aware, at the beginning of each semester I have a large project to complete and in September of last year my work group and I began work on "Fear" which you can read all about at your leisure. That project taught me a valuable lesson: I love being busy and hate being bored. Also I learned that busyness in most forms reaps its own rewards whether that be making new comics, reading interesting books, watching television or going out with friends. Busy is good, busy is fun and adventurous, busy makes life go forward.

Speaking of which, my social life has been a boom this year. Friends of mine on facebook can attest to seeing me appear in more places on more profiles with friends on evenings out and at events. I think this is particularly true of those on my course. You don't go through what we go through together without forming an understanding relationship. I am so grateful to know these people. While studying at Bolton University, my very wise friend and excellent lecturer Albert Phipps told me that in university I would make friends that will be with me for the rest of my life, and I truly believe this. Even the idiots make life more interesting, my life has been enriched so much from being in that environment that I am now considering a move to Manchester full time (this is something I will need to do a lot of thinking on though.)

I gained another nephew this year of course, Alex who is just smashing. He is quite quirky and makes strange noises, mostly grunts. Aaron is a clever little shit, picks things up faster than his father and is a wonderfully cheeky chappy, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Jayden, well, he is developing into quite a sweet young man, he still isn't using English yet but he is certainly developing his own interesting language at a rate I am struggling to keep up with/

Lets finish on a hot topic of mine the past few years: health. I think my last report online was that I weighed in at 12 stone. I am roughly 12 stone at the moment, but I must say that I am on average over the past few months 11 to 11.5 stone, having gained half a stone since the Christmas holidays started.

I am looking better for it I think, particularly since I've been going to the gym this year and have managed to bulk up my arms and chest, as well as my stomach. The loose skin is and I fear will always be present on my body but its something I am going to learn to live with, I don't particularly want a large amount of muscle but as I am slowly turning into a 'good looking man' I need to consider the possibility that this is a role I may be asked to play. This in turn may lead me to need a 'good looking body' which fashion dictates is not one covered in stretch marks and loose skin. Don't think for one second that is the reason I am toning up, the main reason is that I want more strength to be able to perform very well in physical theatre and dance, I also want to feel better about the way I look. If I get a part as a handsome man who gets his kit off, well, I'll be ready for it. In other news, while we are on the subject of my image, I got my hair cropped to mid length. Reviews are favourable but naturally I want my old hair back as soon as possible which is usually the case.

That it I think. I haven't covered the whole year, but then this is the first time I think in the history of these posts were the review has been almost immediately after the end of the old year. I will soon be posting a reflection on last years resolutions, and beginning this years so stay tuned!

"Fear" workshop, final preperation day and first scripting session.

Today began as it meant to go on; promisingly. I find myself willingly waking up earlier and earlier as today I got up at around 8am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I love winter mornings, I love winter in general actually, and so getting a lung full of fresh air as I make the morning stroll to uni is a wonderful wake-up call.

We continued this morning with the hybrid video/theatre piece, refining it as we hadn't had a chance to yesterday. We spent the morning scripting and shooting it, meaning we were able to get eye lines and back-and-forth dialog going much smoother and more refined. We didn't manage to perform the video in the end due to a mix-up with the rooms, but I am certainly proud of what we managed to accomplish. There was a little bit of a tiff involving a member of the group, but in general it didn't really effect the rest of the day. I was disappointed however, because if you have been keeping up, in my last post I mentioned one of the things which I really liked about this project was the camaraderie and the coming together of a successful ensemble. This seems to have been dashed, and whereas I am rather angry at what happened and the way it played out, I am professional and am treating this as just another bump in the road. We will all continue to work together, and will simply chose to associate with those we get on with outside of the projects time (you can probably tell I am somewhat peeved at what went on, but I'll leave it there.)

After lunch was a lovely long discussion whereby we began to discuss the narrative of the piece as a performance. I was really pleased at how we were able to bring the weeks worth or research material collecting into this one large discussion and highlight exactly how much we have managed to do in just a week.

We first discussed what we had done, day by day. We spoke about what it was in those particular studies that we found interesting and wanted to experiment with, and keep in the performance in whatever way it works out to be. We then spoke about methods in which we can apply what came as a result of research

I have never taken part in the division of a performance piece and was really pleased and excited at the progress we made. It wasn't dull or time wasting as such planning meetings can be (from previous experience) and actually I think we all had an equal amount of input, or rather the ones with a lot of ideas were able to inspire the people with few ideas, meaning we were able to share in the creation process. I understand that we are still a while away from a final piece, but the layer's and layer's this piece has already received gives me such hope that the end result will be an amazing piece of theatre, and a project I will be proud to have been a part of.

I'll be honest with you. I was going to write a rant about professionalism and good nature and all the things I am trying to master at university (in regards to the tiff which happened earlier today) but as I cannot be sure that parties involved are not reading the blog, I will not indulge myself. Also, even though it really made me angry at the whole situation (as it did involve me, and it shouldn't have) at the end of the day it didn't detract from the headway we made, and actually, it was probably just a bit of attention seeking in the case of the party involved, so I am better not rising to it*.

When you are angry, the best thing to say, is nothing at all (advice I did well to follow this afternoon.)

*When writing this, I was still going over the events of the day. It is now Sunday of the week after when I have access to the internet, and the events which this post details have since been resolved to the satisfaction of the group.

"Fear" workshop, day five.

Monday, thus beginning the second week of our performance project workshops. We are set to start devising the project on Wednesday, at the moment we are gathering resource material to work from and I am certainly pleased at the ground we have covered. I'd also like to take this opportunity to mention how pleased I am that the group has come together. We are all pretty much fully committed to the project now, which makes the idea of an ensemble actually seem not only plausible, but desirable, and achievable.

Today we started with a quick warm-up, then went straight into some character development work. We used visualisation again, this time we were told to close our eyes, and to imagine that it was the performance night; We are about to go on stage. What are we wearing? What is our hair like? Where about are we on the stage (or are we indeed off stage?) What kind of sounds could we hear? We then fed back to the group. I pictured myself concealed behind some sort of panel, centre stage. I was dressed in a pale blue hospital gown, my face was white and my features were contrasting against my pale skin. My hair was long and straight, possibly distressed looking and darker looking than usual, I could hear only silence.

We then got into groups by way of whoever we felt our characters were closer related to, so I ended up in a group with someone who pictured themselves clothed all in white, and someone in a gown which was covered in blood. We were to continue to develop our characters within these groups and possibly but then to a narrative or context. I found this exercise very difficult considering we had all pretty much gone for the mental patient, mine being one whom is totally devoid of sense, reason and reality, the other girl having been driven out of her mind by a demon, and the latter having killed her younger sister in a fit of jealousy (and therefore sanctioned.)

It was difficult because there is very little narrative you could do with people who were supposedly insane. They would have little motive and therefore little reason for conflict (which is where a story forms.) Really it was a good example of the restrictions and pitfalls to avoid when creative an interesting narrative, not to have characters that are too similar.

After before lunch, we looked into how magicians and mediums used techniques which were as much slight of hand and theatrics than any form of occult practice to instil fear into people. Largely rife in Victorian times when people were much sell sceptical and supposedly a lot more gullible, mediums would enter a persons house and use a number of tricks and illusions to convince the people in attendance that the séance was real. There are famous such people who did this quite convincingly, having 'ectoplasm' seep from orifices both reputable and perverse (certainly for the period) and people actually believed this was going on.

Then we had lunch, I had chips and gravy and even sprang for a Dr Pepper, it was good.

When we reconvened after lunch, we looked at a method of using technology to instil fear; Projection...

That piece is a little ambiguous, but really what it represents are the many possibilities! Imagine projecting someone elses face onto a neutral mask, or having a room full of living, speaking dolls. Or having one person dialog with themselves on stage through the use of multiple projections. This are certainly rolling in the ideas department, and today after looking into it, we used the characters we had developed earlier to experiment with cameras, and what we could do with the use of projection and live performance interaction. Ours was based around the story of the criminally insane girl who murdered her younger sister, with another actress and myself playing the part of her conscience, or rather playing out the inner monologue which happens during the scene. We were projected on the screen behind her, tormenting her with the thoughts she was having in her own head, we argued, yelled, laughed, all while the actress on stage reacted to our projections.

I am looking forward to using this in our final piece!

"Fear" workshop, day three and four.

How sloppy of me to let me momentum slip!

Its the weekend now, or rather Friday afternoon, so its practically the weekend. I am sat comfortable at the desk in my room at home, and as such am free to evaluate the two days in which my group worked on our first performance project, "Fear."

On the Thursday I was only able to attend half of the days performance, due to clowning (more on that another time) and so missed a bit of the improv they went through to measure how fear can be generated by a few simple guidelines. What I was there for was the continuation of where we left off on the previous workshop. only this time with a little more emphasis on the controlling nature of my demon character, and increasing the clarity of the act of 'decision' that the protagonist must take between good and evil. It was interesting to pursue the exercise from the other day but I have to admit, I felt that I had done that already and learned what I could from it. Today some people mentioned wanting to do their sketches again or even in the performance itself, which made me sigh. Luckily I don't think that will be the case.

Today was all about sounds, and how we can use them to evoke the emagination of the audience. We were all tasked to bring an example of a piece of music we find to be scary, unnerving, or could in some way effect the feel of a scene to invoke fear. I chose Sally's Song from the Nightmare Before Christmas...

I don't really know why I chose that, I suppose its because there are a few discordant sounds in there, and the voice is quite shrill and eery (interestingly enough, while finding that video for you, I found a cover version by Amy Lee of Evenesence which is absolutely stunningly awesome.) After listening to the tracks that other people chose along with mine, we were able to discuss the ideas, emotions and in some cases (certainly some of mine) the narratives they conjure as we allow the music to take us on a journey.

It was certainly harder to have the images free flow in our heads (as a consensus) using the music with lyrics (such as mine) and it was generally agreed upon that soundtracks such as the Godfathers Theme (my second choice) and those from other such movies work best at generating unbiased streams of conciousness.

Finally, we gave an attempt at spoof. After looking at other examples in early cinematography at how music can give the audience the impressions and links and allow them to make certain in-obvious connotations with as little dialogue as possible (such films as 'White Zombie' and 'The Invisible Ghost.') The spoof really came about while watching the bad acting in those films, although for the way cinema worked at the time it was perfectly normal to be largely theatrical on film, these days film and theatre are two completely different worlds which is much separate from the mid nineteen hundreds theme of using theatre techniques...  and filming them. We took a track from one of the generic horror soundtrack CD's Mary (our director) brought along and set out at building a scene around the music using as little dialogue as possible.

I was disappointed in mine. Actually that's probably unfair, but then I am generally more critical of myself in private than I would let on. I thought that spoof would be something I was good at, being naturally comically inclined, but it seemed the other group got it without even thinking about it. The ironic thing is that some people in the other group with the same task I would argue do not have a single funny bone in their body, and yet they got it. This is sour grapes, obvious jealousy, but then what do you expect? Whats the point in thinking one of your strengths would serve you well, and you actually end up looking a fool (in a bad way) because of it. In fact, someone actually imparted some wisdom to us which was "Its much funnier when your not trying to be funny" which is ironic considering this is a lesson it took that person a semester to learn the year previous. That was vicious I suppose, but then I am actually more annoyed at myself than I am at the other people. Jealousy brings out the most vile creature in me, in most people I think, and I think I am over thinking things again as is my folly. I know I'm funny, I know I am funny when I don't want to be, I know that funny is spontaneous most of the time and controlled in only limited contexts.

Still, today left me feeling shit. Is that what it was supposed to do? I doubt it, and I doubt I will rectify the situation before division of our performance piece starts, but we shall see.

Fuck them, I'm well funny.

"Fear" workshop, day two.

Again, my apologies if this seems brief but I am on a time limit (I have a friend sat behind me as I write, as after this we are going to watch Ross Noble's new tour 'Non sensory Overload', and I am of course hella balls-to-the-wall excited.)

We began as usual with a workshop warm up, this time we focused on voice. We worked at creating harmony and discordance in equal measure, as a singular unit (that is, without letting the sound die between us, keeping it going and in many places alternating the breath.) Then we allowed ourselves to be led around the room with our eyes closed (working in pairs, alternating between the leader and the follower.) A suitable warmup, we were ready to begin.

Yesterday we were charged with finding a movie which had the basic theme of fear. Be it psychological thriller, horror, paranormal mystery, serial killers and what not. The movie I chose was Paranormal Activity, this being the most recent of that kind of movie which I have watched (not that I found it perticularly scary) and so it was easy for me to summarise it. I also liked the use of camera and its contemporary feel, almost realistic rather than naturalistic. My favourite or rather most memorable scene was one which happened during one of the evening filmings close to the end, when the lead female Katie is dragged with her foot from her bed by an unseen force...

We reviewed this and many other such films, like 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'The Orphan' discussing why the techinque worked ingenerating fear and the themes behind them. We touched on how the films differed and yet generated the same emotions, and how even the subject matter was vastly different from film to film.

After lunch we were tasked in small groups with devising our own short piece based on a loosely given plot synopsis. My group had "The last three minutes of a supernatural thriller, in which there must be a representation of a struggle between good and evil, with evil eventually winning." This was quite hard, abut I am pleased with what we did. Ours consisted of the protagonist 'Alice' having suffered the loss of her boyfriend a few months before, whom tried in vein to contact him using various occult sources of which one was the Ouija board. Through the board a demon comes and takes the form of her boyfriend which only she can see, and the boyfriend (played by myself) is the devil in her ear turning her against the altruistic best friend 'Carla'. The scene plays out and in the end the demon tricks Alice into killing her best friend. Given the amount of time we had to devise it I am pleased how it played out, and think that with more time it would only have gotten better.

I am afraid I will need to leave it here for now (and possibly indefinitely, or catchup on the next post) as it is time for a good dose of stand-up. I am so tired, I knew that the performance project will wear me out as it tends to, but with the cold on top of everything and having evening activities to attend, I have had little time to simple rest up and allow my body to work on battling this darn flu. Ah well, I shall persevere as I always do and take a little extra time to rest hard at the weekend.

Expect a review of the show at some point (Ross that is, but also this one when its finished.)

"Fear"workshop, day one.

This will be brief, as I am still rather ill and feel the sooner I can get to sleep the sooner I will be rather not-ill.

Today we looked at the idea of fear, we talked about what made us scared and why. It was a lot to discuss, but already I feel like we are diving right to the root of this project, and are building a good foundation to devise a piece of work. We were sent around the Adelphi building to find an area or place within or without that we find for one reason or another; scary. The area my group and I chose was a staircase leading below the basement level in one long stretch to a fire exit (which is at the very bottom step, ending the staircase abruptly.) We chose this area because the very unusual nature of the staircase meant that they appeared steeper than they actually are, and gave one viewing them from the top a sense of vertigo. Also, the abrupt end to the stairs at the bottom and the decent into darkness (being seemingly sub-terrain) seemed ominous.

We were then asked after lunch to return to that place and devise a piece of short theatre, with the intention to scare the audience. Instantly images came into my head from zombie movies with legless zombies clawing their way up the staircase to the audience, and perhaps appearing behind them, giving them the sense of being trapped. The image of something clawing and moving slowly is what I find very disturbing, more freaky-scary than terror-scary but ominous none the less...

Of course we then did this, my group and I with a small amount of improvisation and it worked. They jumped in the right place, they laughed a little but thats fine, its expected amongst friends. We went through everyones devised pieces in their own special places but I personally think ours was the best (I may be bias, but whatever.)

We were then sat together in a circle facing away from the centre, listening to the story "The Red Room" by H.G. Wells. A very interesting and atmospheric story, which I would suggest anyone to read if they wished to delve slightly into the macabre world of "Fear" for fear itself. All in all, a good second day, and a good step in the right direction (after all, none the less!)

Performance Project: "Fear"

That may be a temporary name, I am as of yet uncertain.

For those of you not in the know, at the beginning of each semester I have a performance or theatre project to complete. It takes up the first month and the timetable is pretty harsh (10am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, with a performance on Friday and Saturday evenings at the end of it.) Last year the project was Beyond the Front Line which I chronicled in detail from beginning to end for your reading pleasure and found it an entirely too convenient way to put a reflective essay together in one simple evening, and so for this project I intend to do the same. You'll have to excuse me if things seem a little off, I have a hum-dinger of a cold at the moment. I have just come from warming some lovely 'Heinz Winter Vegetable Broth' for my supper, having come from the shower before doing so (I will be stopping to take a yummy bite of my soft white bread soaked in soup while I type, how distracting!)

Today was the first day, the whole year group collected into the Studio Theatre at Adelphi to organise our groups and learn of the task we had ahead, the nature of the beast. I learned that the nature of our particular beast is fear (isn't it always?) and became giddy. I have worked with fear before, in my Art perhaps, but fear and that which is encompasses is familiar territory to me. I was told that we were to devise our own piece of theatre with fear as the theme, this will involve the 'grotesque clown' and 'black comedy' concepts, and even hinted towards a touch of the macabre or even cabaret Gothic, Rocky Horror style. We then proceeded to workshop.

For those unaware, theatre workshop can seem like the height of pointless. I'll explain and you can judge for yourself how high up on the Artsy Fartsy Acting scale it lands. The game was simple, amongst other tabloid pieces and sound scapes we created the focus was a game I shall refer to as simple 'Yes.' The concept from the off is that the group stands in a circle, a person begins by making eye contact with someone and saying their name. This person must then say "Yes" which is an acceptance than the person looking at them can take their space, then the focus is put on the person who said "Yes" and the process begins again (They look at someone, say their name, wait for a "Yes" yadda yadda.)

Excuse me a second, my soup is going cold....

That's better. So the game continues like this until the pace builds up and the flaws are ironed out. The game then changes into something seemingly more difficult. The person making eye contact no longer says the recipients name. This carries on until the rules change slightly a final time, whereby the 'yes' is replaced by a nod. You can see how complicated this would get being performed amongst a year group of about forty people, a few times my poor eyesight made me the butt of a few titters for mistaking myself as someone of attention. Of course, I can take these things in my stride, being an adult (damn them all to hell.) We got the hang of it eventually.

The game is a way of finding your 'ticks' (the things you do without knowing, which make your feel safe) such as leaning on one leg, biting your nails or staring at the floor, all of which an actor needs to be aware of if they are to cast them aside in favour of the ticks of the character they are trying to portray. I noticed that I had to fight to stop playing with my hands, which is strange considering I think that particular tick is unique to that one circumstance, I don't recall ever noticing or having anyone else notice that behaviour in me. The game is also a good way to guage how a person can behave on stage. Do they leave before saying "Yes" to the person giving them the stare? Do they panic to find another person whose name they have for no reason simply forgotten? Are they quiet in saying their victims names or answering in the affirmative? All of these tell a lot of crucial, almost subliminal information for a director. I am generally a fan of improvisation and will rather leap at the chance to leap into things head first than slowly plot my path beforehand (on stage that is) and so I found this game much easier when I wasn't plotting my course. The lesson today was definately on the importance of focus in a performance. Without it, we lose where we are, we lose character, we lose faith in ourselves and our team mates and worst of all, we tense up when we struggle to regain it, leading to a world of problems.

Almost finished my soup now...

On the administrative side of things I am somewhat disappointed. There seems to be a great imbalance between the two groups into which our year group has been split for the duration of the performance projects. This could be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, too many cooks spoil the broth (which I recommend by the way, very satisfying and currently on offer in Tesco's) certainly when it comes to a piece devised by an 'ensemble.'  On the other hand, many hands make light work, and I have no doubt that out of every group you will have your waifs and lollygaggers, your laissez-faire mentality in certain performers happy with a 'pass' which I am sure you will be pleased to know; doesn't wash with me, particularly not after last year.

Right, soup's finished. I always feel lovely and full after soup, a perfect supper as it is both filling, but not too heavy on the old tummy. I'd better get some sleep you know, not only do I have this aforementioned cold to shift which as all good small town boys like myself know can only be shifted by plenty of bed rest (and Beechams,)  but today was just an introduction. For all the ills of last nights ditch attempt at a good nights sleep, tonight I will need to knuckle down and do some serious sleeping, for tomorrow; the work begins.