Showing posts with label University. Show all posts
Showing posts with label University. Show all posts

Monday, December 19

Diary Comic 19/12/2011


I don't begrudge people with money. I just wish students like this didn't represent all students. I come from a low-income household with a working class background, and I turned out with a far better understanding of economics than this dude.

At this point I was like to re-reiterate that this really happened.

Friday, November 18

My Art: an update.

Improving my comic technique has been my main focus since the beginning of summer, and while I have half an hour spare before I head for bed, I think now is a fabulous time to go into some detail about the thought process behind my diary comics, explain some of the things I am trying with them, and why I think they are important.

University is taking an undeserved and probably unwise back burner at the moment. I've had some difficult family stuff to deal with recently, I've also been looking into restarting my self-employment as a means to make a little extra cash, and of course I have been reading, writing and studying comics and illustration for the past few weeks. All of this leaves me little time for University, which I admit is not really a terrible thing. I know, I know! It's what I have been working towards for the last four-or-so years, but I will be honest with you (as I always am), I have been studying media performance for the last two years with very little gratification from the course; I am starting to burn out. Naturally when you start to feel the strain of work, the best solution is to shift your focus to other activities until your interest is renewed. For me, my interest has shift back to my art.

I'd report back here during the middle of summer that I was trying to improve my comic process, this continues in much the same way having experimented with a number of techniques and confront some issues on that list. I've had a lot of fun working in different ways, with both traditional and digital material. I realised not too long ago that while the quality of the artwork has improved over these last few months, and being published has been a good indicator of that, my work was taking too long. Each comic of Steven took between eight and twelve hours to produce; one of the reasons there are so staggeringly few of them.

Enter the Diary Comics.

With my diary comics (DC's) I am able to still experiment with my art work, framing, speech bubbles & lettering, panel placement, storytelling and relevant subject matter without having to worry too much about polishing the final product. My DC's are admittedly a little amateur looking, but I am happy with that as I still consider myself somewhat amateur on the web-comics scene. It is also somewhat gratifying to know that I can have a subject in my comic which can be blissfully self indulgent of my own thought process, and people will still enjoy them. A few places around the web will tell you to avoid talking about yourself as the subject of your comic. Obviously most artists, if not all artists, put portions of themselves into every piece of work that they do. This is certainly true for character work, as far as I have seen. Some of the best characters in terms of depth, relatability, consistency and likeability have a noticeable trace of the artist; of the real in them. Then you get real gems such as Erika Moen's DAR Comic, a very impressive and in-depth diary comic which is very engaging to read (I really suggest reading it from the beginning).

So far, each DC has engaged my brain into trying a new storytelling approach, or a new approach to colouring or inking. Publishing on a regular schedule is very satisfying and because I have a bit of extra time right now, and the passion to tell such stories as I experience them, I am even pleased to say that I have a comic buffer for when things really heat up and I have less time to indulge.

I hope you enjoy them, I would like to say that I have not at all abandoned Steven, I just feel I need to wait for inspiration to approach me rather than force myself into making a comic. I felt I did that with the last one and as a result the whole thing suffered. I am pleased with how it turned out, I just didn't enjoy producing it as much as the first two.

Goodnight dear reader, dream of green fields~

Thursday, July 28

BUBS hiatus and other nonsense.

I have been eating like a pig lately. That has nothing to do with BUBS of course, I am not too bothered about putting on weight with University looming just around the corner. I am confident that once uni kicks off again I will lose any extra I have gained over the holidays (and proceed to put it back on the following holidays.)

Unfortunately there is this issue with gym access, or lack thereof. I know that you do not necessarily need a kitted out gym to build strength. I could hammer push-ups and jack-knifes along with my cheerleading, but it just doesn't motivate me like a good workout room does. I am not the sort of gym bunny to swan around in a vest, gingerly clutching my protein shake while admiring my fake tan in the strength room mirrors. Anyone who regularly attends a gym will tell you the same thing, it's all about being in a different place with a bunch of other people who share your goals of fitness.

When I go to the gym, I have my gym head on. I get there, I get ready, I cardio, I work out, I swim and then sauna and wind down. That is my gym life. I don't go every day like some people, I don't hog the weight room like a muscle Mary. I do a little of everything, keeping in mind my goals from BUBS (which I am regiment with, while at the gym.) When I am here, at home in Wigan, I just cannot enter that frame of mind. I know there is a lovely wooded nature area across the road ideal for jogging, or cycling (which I have been considering) but I just don't seem to have the motivation when I am here.

What I do find odd is that I have been drawing and updating the website all summer. I haven't given working out much of a thought outside of cheer practice, but I have been drawing or sketching almost everyday. Yet when I am at uni, I don't make a single thing. You can guarantee I hit the gym at least once a week though.

Maybe I have yet to find the balance between the two. In the gym I feel like I am working towards something, a firmer body with less loose skin and the ability to jump higher, lift girls for longer, clear concise goals. When drawing I am working towards bettering my technique to produce higher quality work in less time, so that I can get them online and (hopefully) entertain the masses; not to mention fill a portfolio which might get me work. I think I need to strike a balance between the two, I shall have this as my goal for the next academic year.

So BUBS is on hold until I return to sunny Salford, at which point it may not just be build Upper Body Strength, but also Lose Summer Fat at the same time! On an unrelated note, here's a sketch of a dude (work in progress)...


I could ink this in Photoshop as is, but there is something about it which I don't like, so I'm going to keep working in colours, then try the pencil/inking method I suggested in my previous post.

Until next time!

Tuesday, June 14

Why I do not publish.

Some have mentioned to me that my blog is very interesting. while my rebuker may be that the blog's feature is me and therefore inherently uninteresting, I can recognise a compliment when I see one and am generous in my acceptance of it.

Someone might then go on to suggest that my blog is so interesting that I should consider advertising it to gain a larger reader-base. I have been known on occasion to pop the odd post onto facebook which might make something more convenient for me for example, instead of telling everyone how my first gig went, I simply post the link to the entry on my facebook. Or perhaps there is an issue I wish to confront and would have those who know me best enlightened to the subject in question (such as my post on cheerleading.)

The latter example probably received the most hits out of all the entries on my blog, in fact, I'll do a quick check on my stats thing...   ..yes, it did, 95 views and counting. If I were to put my finger on why, it would be that the subject matter was controversial, that there are many people on my facebook who wouldn't think there would be an issue with cheerleading and so might be overcome with curiosity, it could also be that because the issue is hotly debated in the cheerleading community it might have hit a certain amount of keyword filters for search engines.

All this is pretty much besides the point. Fact is, while I am pleased that people are reading the blog and getting to know a little more about who I am and what I am up to, I have dedicated myself to the idea that the blog is a journal. When I started it a number of years ago it was to replace my paper journals which had been going on since I was sixteen years old. While I may censor the more intimate and personal information from the blog, I have kept almost entirely true to it's original concept and this has in the past been to my detriment. I can recall one occasion when someone I know used the information I'd posted in one entry (the information regarding why I don't drink alcohol, and using a convenient excuse) against me. I was defenceless and I felt genuinely hurt, mainly because every person who reads the blog are privy to my innermost thoughts or unspoken secrets, and there is a level of trust that I assume on people when they read what I have to say. 

This honesty has recently proven to be the detriment in my real life relationships as well. I have lost friends due to my inability to keep my mouth shut when I have an issue. I've grown up with the mantra that children keep issues inside and bottle them up, and this causes problems further down the line when adults do it. This honesty and eagerness to settle any issue I might have has led to friction between me and people I care about, but it is still something I believe to be a decent way to settle any dispute or worry and continue to stand by my principles. If there is one thing I have come to hate since starting university, it's two-faced characteristics. Sometimes it's harmless, and there are times when I will indulge if I feel it would make the situation better, but I would never be so dishonest to someone whom I have a problem with. If I do not like you, and have a valid reason not to like you, then I will be civil when I have to but otherwise I will not mince my words. I won't smile and nod, and pretend everything is fine, I am not that kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I can, when it comes to being false I am a very good liar, but there is a difference between having the ability to act like everything is fine, and using it.

I am of course speaking of friendships, or of people I need to work with often. Passers by I am able to smile and nod to as you do, but this is not dishonest, it's just tactical socialising (remember, an argument with an idiot is a pointless argument, sometimes it is smarter to plaster on a false smile)...

I apologise, I rambled for a moment there. The point is, I am honest and open, and being honest and open means that I might say things that could offend others, so instead of publishing every post I make, I choose which to publish on Facebook for a specific reason. Getting hits isn't important to me, I don't care how many people read the blog or what they like in particular, the blog is for me, not my audience. I am a performer, if I want an audience, I get one: simple.

Maybe I am more aware of how vulnerable the blog makes me than I care to mention. Maybe I should eat my words, put my money where my mouth is and publish. Surely my friends, if they truly are my friends, will understand me anyway. Or maybe I am wrong, maybe I'm not as honest as I think I am. 

There are people in my life right now who do not appreciate what they have, and how lucky they are. Some I have mentioned this fact, others I haven't. Instead of telling people to look at their life from a few metres away, I should be asking them to do it themselves. So you have found yourself here, at the end of this blog entry after getting here from the very beginning (a very good place to start) after getting there from wherever you found yourself previously. I will ask you this.

Take a look at your life, I promise you things could be much worse. Appreciate what you have, don't be so hard on yourself.

And be honest.

Wednesday, May 18

Comics incoming

Getting ready to cartoon again.

I ordered a new graphics tablet from Amazon last week and am just waiting for that sucker to appear though the post. I am at university at the moment have been working on a new website to host it in my down time. I am working with a quirky design, but it will be centred around the comic and therefore gives me more incentive to keep up with it at least on a regular basis.

I have also been looking into having it placed into the student newspaper. It would be such a boost to my confidance as an artist and cartoonist to have my comic published, even if the paper is free and tends to come out whenever it feels like it rather than on a regular basis.

I am working on a new format for the comic. I will continue to do the full page ones which I am used to doing, but will also be producing short strips about a 1/5th of the height of an Af page (like the ones which normally appear in a newspaper.) Much like some of my favourite online web comics such as BenFaux Pas and the like. Full pagers like Awkward Zombie, Manly Guys Doing Manly Things and VG Cats still have a warm place in my heart, but I like what Tim over at Ctrl+Alt+Del has done; producing a regular full sheet comic and seperate 'sillies' in news print format. Of course, this is a very casual hobby (though not as casual as it was in the past) and so it won't be updated as much as the professionals do so.

Gonna pull out some tasters soon, I have only a few weeks of uni left to suffer through and then its a long summer with a few projects to work on.

Friday, May 13

A follow up

This is a follow up post, or rather a continuation of my earlier micro-essay on Cheerleading (Cheerleading, the case for.) It is a videeo covering the issues regarding the classification of high school Cheerleading in the USA (split in two parts.)

Please take the time to watch them even if Cheerleading isn't something you are interested in, it will change your opinion of us!





Monday, May 9

The As Yet Impossible Symposium

For today and tomorrow I have been and will be a volunteer facilitator for a symposium at the Lowry entitled The As Yet Impossible (TAYI)

TAYI is a two day event which is focusing on the future. The participants are a number of experts in their field which range from performance practitioners, artists, designers, animators, producers, scientists, physicists and so on. The overarching concept is to think of what we, as yet, cannot achieve by means which are available to us through technology.

Today's main focus seems to be how we can change what and how much we experience through our senses. What the future of our senses might be, what augments can we make to them. How our senses are effected when one is lost or disabled, how our senses can be tricked or employed in a different way. The exploration of these topics was done using none-typical means for what you might expect a symposium to use. A series of workshops ran throughout the day which delved into the subject of sense, art, technology, nature, the future, the present, society etc and there is more to come tomorrow.

My role today was to blog about what was going on, to (try and) consolidate the information being fed back to the central hub (where I was stationed) for publication online.

It was very difficult, I could tell from the information I was receiving that the session facilitators were witnessing an almost stream of conciousness as the academics discussed such complex topics. It was exciting to be there at a time when these ideas were in their infancy, and being discussed by the bright thinkers of their respective disciplines. Having the mix of scientists, creators, performers and so on in attendance meant we could discover new ideas in such succession, it made it hard to clearly get the information into print.

Tomorrow will be more focused on the future, on where we can go without technology and how we want, or whether we want it to augment or diminish how we interact with our us and our environment.

Follow the event on its blow, www.theasyetimpossible.wordpress.com where you can find the information from today and subsequent publication of information for the remainder of the event. You can also view live tweets from the event on its blog page, or on the page of the events tweeter, Hannah Nicklin.

Wednesday, May 4

Time to get it sorted: Build Upper Body Strength

Last year I was tickled pink. I wouldn't admit it then as I was trying to be casual and aloof about it, but I really was pleased about the state of my body. I spoke about it a few times last year. My weight has levelled off now, as I mentioned a month or so ago, and I am feeling a little dissatisfied again.

In my last post, I mentioned that I needed to build upper-body strength. While I may currently reside in a slimmer frame, it is not one which is capable of meeting all of my needs. I feel healthier, I can wear more layers which is a look I like going for once in a while, and I can generally go for longer in endeavours such as sport or physical theatre. I can also hold my breath for longer, like the sunshine a little more, get less heartburn than I used too, less back pain. Honestly the benefits of being my ideal weight outweigh the things I miss, such as playing with my belly when I got bored (which I sometimes still try to do) or having to wear less layers in the winter months and so on. My body is functional in that respect, but I need to work hard to make it more-so.

That is where my new Build Upper Body Strength plan comes in. Every week, or every fortnight depending on time restrictions I plan on updating the blog with my progress on building upper body strength which I will need for my Cheerleading, Gymnastics and to enhance my body confidence. I wasn't going to mention it, even though I have lost the puppy fat I am still not 100% about how my body looks. This is me doing something about that!..


The above is me, as of today. That is, as of about half an hour ago from writing this post. As you can see from the above images, my frame has taken a beating. You can see the stretch marks around my tummy and you might see them around my arms. I don't mind the stretch marks so much, but I find them a good reminder to myself not to over-indulge. Another thing you may notice is the love handles. Alas, these are the hardest things for men and women to get rid of when trying to improve their image through diet and excercise. A few people I know are quite to state when they though I looked ill when I'd finished losing weight. As ill as I ever looked, I'd never lost those bad boys.

My goals for Build Upper Body Strength are:

  1. Increase the muscle mass on my chest, shoulders, back and arms.
    As you might see, there is the tiniest hint of definition in these muscles already. This is due to the lifting and pushing I do already in Cheer and gymnastic tumbling. If I am to be able to support my own body weight on my arms, and complete a chain of back-handsprings, I will need these muscles to be as lean as possible, at least lean enough to match my legs.
  2. Get rid of my love handles
    These fuckers are gone. Seriously, their days are numbered. I don't know how to do it, I mean it's fat and fat is all the same, but I can't shift that shit for some reason. They will go though, mark my words!
  3. Get an arse.
    Ok, so maybe this one is for vanity's sake. One of the areas I am uncomfortable with at the moment is the bottom of my bottom, the back of my front, the vertical smile. My skin stretched everywhere I used to carry weight. You can see this on my tummy, on my upper arms, and to an extent on my chest. You can't see it on my bum, but trust me when I tell you it's there, and it isn't pretty.  I am aiming for as much of a straight line as my hips will allow from the end of my ribcage to the start of my thighs. Somewhere in there I'd like to have a nice arse, so lets see what happens!
Let's keep it at that for now. Sometime soon, after I git the gym, rearrange my diet and work out some of the specifics of my new project, you will see pictures of my progress. I'm not foolish enough to believe that this will happen in a matter of weeks. My goal is pride, that is, the bank holiday weekend of August (just after my birthday.)

I have a holiday to Czech Republic in the first half of August which I am sure you will hear about. It's a sports/cheer holiday so it's not as if I won't be getting exercise then, but hopefully at that point I'll have accomplished most of my goals.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 3

Things that I have been working on during my break from Uni

I'm not one to be idle.

I figured this out during my first year of study at Salford Uni, it's something which started right after finishing my access course at Bolton Uni. Don't get me wrong, there will come times when I really, desperately need a break (as happened recently) but otherwise I find that I get impatient or fidgety if I have nothing to occupy my time with. Since leaving my access course and studying at university I have become something of a workaholic, I'll try and take you through it...

I consider university to be my full-time job. I focus on my studies actively and they take up a large amount of my time. Other things which I prioritise are my cheerleading, gymnastics and gym work/fitness. These activities take about 90% of my total time spent at Salford, the rest is shopping, social time and 'misc'. I do this to ensure I am getting the most out of my time spent on my degree in Salford, and let me tell you, it works. This year I have passed every module on my course with a Distinction. I hit a rough patch in February which may take the mark of one of my modules down to a merit, but I still hold high hopes that I will finish the year with nothing below a first. My lifestyle plays an important part in this of course. I do not drink or smoke, I do not take drugs. I don't enjoy clubbing, or nights out, or concerts (well, I've never been to a concert, but I'd imagine I'll be sat at the back asking everyone in front of me to kindly sit down so that I can see.) Maybe I'm lucky in this respect, I have my own ways of having fun, I dare say the way I choose to occupy my time currently is satisfying enough and I have a wonderful circle of friends.

However, about a week after starting my short break, I began to feel the itch. I need something to do, I cannot be idle, I start going a bit cabin-feverish. Luckily, I have quite a few interests I can pull out of the bag for such occasions.

I started playing with Photoshop again, reading up on the latest trends, styles and tutorials which I must say are as good as any book or magazine on the subject (I recently bough a magazine on the subject, and found startlingly similar tutorials in it as exist on the web.)


I may consider writing my own beginners tutorials, explaining some of the more simple tricks which I do not see explained very often such as feathering and layer masks which can me indispensable for graphic design and photo-manipulation.

This also led in time to my return to web-design. As mentioned in my previous post, I have spent a lot of time in the past week tweaking and poking and jiggling and playing with CSS and Wordpress (WP) themes. Given the popularity of WP as a blogging tool I have been keen to explore its functionality to the private blogger for some time. My good frient Antony's blog, along with many other sites I frequent such as theCHIVE use the WP engine which seemed to be highly customisable as well as functional and easily accessible. I could never use CSS and never turly unerstood how useful it is until I started reading around the subject area just before my holidays started. I set myself a task: to create a custom theme of my own design for syeonline by the end of the holiday, and as the previous post displays, I managed to do just that. I will continue to make themes as I can already see how I could improve the current one, or how I can make designs based on a different concept (I want to make one based on a painty, arts-and-crafty style motif next) and I didn't know there existed such things as child-themes and so on. I'll probably end up working on it over the summer.

Gaming wise its been pretty cool. Not only has there been some interesting patches made to World of Warcraft in recent months which I have been exploring, there has also been the release of Portal 2 which I completed in the first day, and is well worth what I payed for over on gameplay.co.uk. If you played Portal, or are maybe a fan of puzzle games, FPS's or just looking for a really good game to sink your teeth into, get Portal 2 (though I will advise you if you have not already played Portal, play that first!) Both can be bought and downloaded through Steam. I also managed to try Final Fantasy XIV and unfortunately it did not live up to my expectations. I tried it for the first two or three days, and was not at all enthusiastic about playing it. I may try it again soon as I have heard there has been another patch released, but I will not be paying for a subscription for it in its current form. I have to say, considering how much I loved FFXI, I am very disappointed in Square-Enix.

Finally, my other guilty pleasure this holiday has been my gymnastics. I have been working every day, or every other day, on nailing some of the tumbles which have eluded me for some time. I am now a lot more confident at my back walkovers now and even attempting front walkovers. Also I am a lot less disoriented when chaining tumbles together (for example, Roll > Handstand Roll > Cartwheel and so on.) and am able to hold myself for much longer in a handstand.

The problem with most of my gymnastics isn't my flexibility. Although I do need to be more flexible to accomplish some of the tumbles I am attempting, I am actually more flexible than the average guy. One of the issues I have is the distribution of weight over my whole body. My main exercise is waking. I walk everywhere and as such, I have very strong legs. Both my thighs and calves carry a lot of weight, so much that the muscle on my upper body isn't strong enough to support it. Therefore I require more balance to hold a handstand, and more power to kick my legs over in a back walkover. The only way I can change this is by gaining more upper body strength, which of course will happen in time with regular gym and cheer workouts. For me, it isn't happening fast enough, this may be due to my vegetarian diet (being naturally low in high quality proteins.) I've been considering protein shakes, but I do not yet know how I feel about supplements. More on that story as it develops...

I have been working on my flexibility as well mind. It's painful work, but if it gets me my tumbles easier, I am willing to do it...

Friday, March 25

You know what I miss?

I miss making comics!

I loved making them, it was a combination of my drawing, graphic design and comedy writing which occupied the time when I would normally be bored anyway. I haven't made a comic in well over a year, probably two by now. My Graphics Tablet got damaged in transit while I moved to university last year which was a good excuse (besides 'I'm just too busy') to let these things fall by the way side.

Well, perhaps I am being a little cynical of myself. I have also had the chance to try other wonderful things! I am a cheerleading coach now for the Salford Sirens, getting up to level two gymnastics, I gave stand-up a go, I perform improvisational comedy and not to mention a wonderful circle of friends.

Days like this when I have about three or four hours to kill before my class, and no-one around to hang out with, is when I would work on a comic. I think I will be generous to myself at my next loan instalment and get a new graphics tablet (to go with my lovely new PC.)

Then you'll see some comics.

Monday, March 21

On Friendship.

I've been thinking an awful lot about friendship lately. I have recently been through a "bad patch" in regards to my social life because of things that have been going on amongst my year group at University.

I will not go into the details here as this is not the place. I would love to, don't get me wrong, but I have purposefully made this blog my diary, and as it is online I understand that the public are free to view it. Frankly, there are some people whom I do not want to speak openly to...

Sorry, just thinking about all thats gone on makes me bitter about the subject; one of the reasons I will avoid talking about it. Needless to say, it got to me, the reason it got to me is because of my idea of friendship.

To me, friendship is one of the most valuable things in the world. I rely so much on my friends as I am sure most people do (though equally sure others do not do so as much as I.) I will openly admit to any of my friends: I need you more than you need me. I do not have, nor have never had someone in my life whom I have been involved with intimately. This is by design and intention of course, I made the decision to wait for love and so far, love has not arrived. The wait, however, is a heavy toll to bear. I feel alone and isolated a lot, particularly when I am at University as I am not only without someone I love intimately but also without the people I love platonicly: my family. All of this adds up I suppose, and so when I am away from home I am constantly relying on my friends for companionship. Hardly even companionship sometimes, just human contact. I am somewhat socially awkward, this has come about in recent years and I have no idea where it comes from (or at least HAD no idea, until recently) so not only is it difficult being away and without people I love, it is also difficult to make new friends to fill the empty spots.

I understand that this is a strain on my friends, but my friends are my friends because they are the ones willing to take that strain. My friends are there for me when I need them, they care about my wellbeing and will do the best by me. I trust my friends, and can only hope that that trust is repaid in kind.

However, I am also crazy as fuck.

Not the sort of "Oh damn boy, you so crazy!" but the actual crazy. Scary, paranoid, anxious, embarrassing crazy the likes of which you do not see in non-crazy folk. Again, most of this is something which has developed or manifest with strength in recent years, it is there and I am afraid its part of the Sye package.

I might get it into my head that your attracted to me, and will therefor avoid contact with you as to not hurt your feeling of rejection (this could be due to a fleeting glance made at some point.) It might enter my brain that your talking about me behind my back, conspiring against me or undermining me (because you know, I haven't seen you in a week, a totally natural assumption.) It could be that something bad happened to me, and your the first person I was able to talk to about it and therefore think I am the wreck of the world. It could be that your in town with me, and I get the most horribly paranoid feeling that everyone is staring at me, and I need to enter this shop RIGHT NOW, then I'll be fine. It might be that you didn't reply to my last three texts, and have ceased all contact with you as punishment (because thats perfectly normal, right?)

This is the Bat-shit level of crazy I can get up to. I am not perfect, but then, neither are you damnit! Situations can bring about my ugly heads which I myself despise. It's something I am constantly vigilant against and conscious of, but ultimately I just can't help it. I'm of a paranoid, nervous, temperamental disposition.

My friends, they understand that.

They understand me.

They understand why sometimes I am quiet, and sometimes I don't shut up. That I will talk inanely about some interesting piece of trivia without thinking that I am patronising them. That they trust that 'ish' next to a time of meeting means 'give or take five minutes.' That sometimes I have trouble speaking my emotions and getting my ideas out (I get lost in words, its what happens when you know too many without knowing their correct order.) They understand why sometimes I correct my own grammar, and cannot move on until I understand which is the correct way to say what, but only sometimes! My friends, true friends, do not hold these things against me.

In turn, I do the same. I make myself available to them. Alright, so maybe I am not good company on a night 'clubbing' and maybe you can't take me to a football match. But if you need someone to talk to, an understanding ear or an unbiased view point. A lateral thinker, a fresh pair of eyes or a comfortable shoulder, that is what I am here for. That is friendship, and those whom I consider friends can call upon that any time they like.

I have the ability to make anyone feel good about themselves. I can show you any fucking silver lining, and make sure I leave you a brighter person than I found you. I will give you your space when you need space. I will surround you with companionship and make you laugh to boot. That is my offer, my gift, the commodity of friendship I have to trade with you.

I never burn my bridges.

I'll be posting soon on my Red Nose Day 2011 adventures. I just needed to get this matter off my chest first. I have put it to bed now, I can move on.

Good night.

Sunday, January 2

The whole year through: 2010

Happy new year everyone.

Every year I like to make one post which tries to bring everything together and evaluate the year. This was the year of 2010. I think the biggest thing to mention this year is that I bit the bullet and did something I as meaning to do and looking forward to trying since deciding to enter the field of performance.

Stand up.

After a bit of a shaky start I found that there is nothing that I have experienced (so far) which quite equates to the joy of making someone laugh, and having the opportunity to do that on stage in front of a willing audience is the highlight of my year. I had a wonderful time on the comedy circuit as an Open Spot, and learned things that have pushed me much further as a performer than I would have from Uni alone.

Alas, as much as I love performing stand-up and making people laugh, the downsides of the comedy circuit tar the otherwise wonderful experience. Bitchy comics, horrible promoters, the input/output ratio, the time and energy put behind the scenes. Most open spots will call me lazy and say my heart isn't in it but you know what? Its not. My heart isn't in it, and I will admit that. If my heart WAS in it, then I would already have gigs lined up every week by now. I performed stand-up from January to May and in that time totted up 15 gigs, I watched forums like a hawk, snapped opportunities from promoters and attended as much comedy as I could afford outside of my studies and I think three gigs a month average is a cracking first try considering the demand for spots. You may have noticed that sounds cocky and self confident, well;it is. I learned something important on the circuit which is great advice to give and hard to follow: Confidence is key. Yeah, I'm still shit by professional standards or paid standards and my problem when I was an Open Spot is taking that too harshly. I'm SUPPOSED to be shit, everyone is when they start out. Fact of the matter is, my shit to good gig ratio was leaning very close to good, if I wasn't such a delicate flower/arsehole I would be able to see that my problem isn't what others think of me, its what I allow them to make me feel. Until I learn that I can be shit in front of a crowd and survive to tell the tale, as I have done, I do not belong on the circuit and that includes giving stand-up my all.

Having said that, I plan on returning, and doing bits and bobs here and there. There is nothing better for learning stage craft than stand-up comedy, mark my words!

Well, thats pretty much half the year right there. After May I started my long-haul through summer. I planned on learning how to drive but unfortunately that never came to pass. Even though I had nothing to do, I found myself far too busy to sort out driving lessons. Again, I think its the idea that my heart wasn't truly in it and I therefore didn't put as much effort into it. I can only hope from here on in I take heed that my heart needs to be in more of the things that I need to get done! I have found I am very good at putting things off, and this is something I hope to tackle in the new year.

When Uni started back up, I was inspired! As you may be aware, at the beginning of each semester I have a large project to complete and in September of last year my work group and I began work on "Fear" which you can read all about at your leisure. That project taught me a valuable lesson: I love being busy and hate being bored. Also I learned that busyness in most forms reaps its own rewards whether that be making new comics, reading interesting books, watching television or going out with friends. Busy is good, busy is fun and adventurous, busy makes life go forward.

Speaking of which, my social life has been a boom this year. Friends of mine on facebook can attest to seeing me appear in more places on more profiles with friends on evenings out and at events. I think this is particularly true of those on my course. You don't go through what we go through together without forming an understanding relationship. I am so grateful to know these people. While studying at Bolton University, my very wise friend and excellent lecturer Albert Phipps told me that in university I would make friends that will be with me for the rest of my life, and I truly believe this. Even the idiots make life more interesting, my life has been enriched so much from being in that environment that I am now considering a move to Manchester full time (this is something I will need to do a lot of thinking on though.)

I gained another nephew this year of course, Alex who is just smashing. He is quite quirky and makes strange noises, mostly grunts. Aaron is a clever little shit, picks things up faster than his father and is a wonderfully cheeky chappy, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Jayden, well, he is developing into quite a sweet young man, he still isn't using English yet but he is certainly developing his own interesting language at a rate I am struggling to keep up with/

Lets finish on a hot topic of mine the past few years: health. I think my last report online was that I weighed in at 12 stone. I am roughly 12 stone at the moment, but I must say that I am on average over the past few months 11 to 11.5 stone, having gained half a stone since the Christmas holidays started.

I am looking better for it I think, particularly since I've been going to the gym this year and have managed to bulk up my arms and chest, as well as my stomach. The loose skin is and I fear will always be present on my body but its something I am going to learn to live with, I don't particularly want a large amount of muscle but as I am slowly turning into a 'good looking man' I need to consider the possibility that this is a role I may be asked to play. This in turn may lead me to need a 'good looking body' which fashion dictates is not one covered in stretch marks and loose skin. Don't think for one second that is the reason I am toning up, the main reason is that I want more strength to be able to perform very well in physical theatre and dance, I also want to feel better about the way I look. If I get a part as a handsome man who gets his kit off, well, I'll be ready for it. In other news, while we are on the subject of my image, I got my hair cropped to mid length. Reviews are favourable but naturally I want my old hair back as soon as possible which is usually the case.

That it I think. I haven't covered the whole year, but then this is the first time I think in the history of these posts were the review has been almost immediately after the end of the old year. I will soon be posting a reflection on last years resolutions, and beginning this years so stay tuned!

Tuesday, November 23

Email from accommodation...

________________________________________
From: Accommodation [Accommodation@salford.ac.uk]
Sent: 23 November 2010 14:49
To: [Sye] (UG); [Sye's email address]
Subject: Candles in rooms

DearMr [Sye]

On completing our recent room checking exercise, it was noted that there is a candle present within your room.  Your resident contract sets out your obligations and section 7Y clearly states that candles will not be used.  Because of this Health & Safety implication, your room has not been marked as Acceptable. A further room check will take place and, as long as the candles have been removed, your room will be marked as accepted.

Apart from the candle being present, your room was absolutely fine.

I hope you can support our concerns with students burning candles within their room and recognise the potentially serious health and safety implications.

Thank you

Site Services Assistants





________________________________________
________________________________________




Dear Site Services Assistant(s)

I apologise for my discretion in keeping a censer in my halls. I don't know what I was thinking, it must have been a moment of sheer madness, particularly given the dangerous nature of a covered tea light. I will of course remove the candle right away.

However, the censer's purpose is to mask the stale damp smell, I assume this is from the previous occupant as I do not think the walls are thick enough to conceal any dead bodies or rotten vegetables (I am not an engineer so feel free to correct me on this, again I apologise.) I understand completely that a candle in my halls is a high risk to all concerned, but the smell is bothersome. Almost to the point which I am willing to submerge my head almost entirely in water during my time in my room. I was considering adding some of my scented oil to the water, but this would probably make my hair greasy.

Is there a secret method unbeknownst to me to rid my halls of the smell of that 'foot-and-mouthy' musk? The censer does the trick without being overpowering and I only ever use it when I am both in my halls and awake, but as this is against the rules (again, I apologise) I will need to think of something else. Any suggestions are more than welcome, Cheers!

Kind regards,
- Sye Watts.

Monday, November 22

Dear man-across-the-road-from-me

Please do not leave your blind up when you are returning to your room from the shower. If you insist on carrying on with this behaviour, then please refrain from removing your towel before securing some sort of visual block aid between your genitals and my eyes.


I appreciate that this was simple an instance of coincidence. I was glancing down at your block of flats, you were de-robing in the vulnerable position of having returned from the wash room, presumably squeaky clean (although I didn't have my glasses on so, who knows.) It has not happened since, but I am somewhat nervous to look out of the window now as 'peeping tom' is not one of my many alias' and I intend to keep it that way.


It isn't that I do not find you attractive. Of course you are a little larger than the demographic would demand, but I find that oddly endearing in a person. Also you have a cute face. However, while I may sound hypocritical to those who know me, I am not one for glasses. A body without a name or a face or a laugh or a personality to it is nice, but it would have to be very nice indeed to justify a vigil at my window to catch a glimpse of you giving it all you've got, 'upfront.' If we cross eyes in the street at some point, I will not embarrass you by mentioning the incident. I am sure it sticks in your mind as much as it does mine. Feel free to introduce yourself at any point, it would be nice to put a voice and a name to the body, all of it. I feel our brief interlude shall simply have to remain a fleeting glance between the two halls containing us over the void of grass and earth between.


Good luck in your endeavours, and I hope to 'see' you under better circumstances sometime.


Regards
- Sye


PS: Tell the guy that lives two doors from you to the right, he is allowed to take his top off and dance around a little. As long as his blind is up, and I have my glasses on.

Monday, October 4

"Fear" workshop, day five.

Monday, thus beginning the second week of our performance project workshops. We are set to start devising the project on Wednesday, at the moment we are gathering resource material to work from and I am certainly pleased at the ground we have covered. I'd also like to take this opportunity to mention how pleased I am that the group has come together. We are all pretty much fully committed to the project now, which makes the idea of an ensemble actually seem not only plausible, but desirable, and achievable.

Today we started with a quick warm-up, then went straight into some character development work. We used visualisation again, this time we were told to close our eyes, and to imagine that it was the performance night; We are about to go on stage. What are we wearing? What is our hair like? Where about are we on the stage (or are we indeed off stage?) What kind of sounds could we hear? We then fed back to the group. I pictured myself concealed behind some sort of panel, centre stage. I was dressed in a pale blue hospital gown, my face was white and my features were contrasting against my pale skin. My hair was long and straight, possibly distressed looking and darker looking than usual, I could hear only silence.

We then got into groups by way of whoever we felt our characters were closer related to, so I ended up in a group with someone who pictured themselves clothed all in white, and someone in a gown which was covered in blood. We were to continue to develop our characters within these groups and possibly but then to a narrative or context. I found this exercise very difficult considering we had all pretty much gone for the mental patient, mine being one whom is totally devoid of sense, reason and reality, the other girl having been driven out of her mind by a demon, and the latter having killed her younger sister in a fit of jealousy (and therefore sanctioned.)

It was difficult because there is very little narrative you could do with people who were supposedly insane. They would have little motive and therefore little reason for conflict (which is where a story forms.) Really it was a good example of the restrictions and pitfalls to avoid when creative an interesting narrative, not to have characters that are too similar.

After before lunch, we looked into how magicians and mediums used techniques which were as much slight of hand and theatrics than any form of occult practice to instil fear into people. Largely rife in Victorian times when people were much sell sceptical and supposedly a lot more gullible, mediums would enter a persons house and use a number of tricks and illusions to convince the people in attendance that the séance was real. There are famous such people who did this quite convincingly, having 'ectoplasm' seep from orifices both reputable and perverse (certainly for the period) and people actually believed this was going on.

Then we had lunch, I had chips and gravy and even sprang for a Dr Pepper, it was good.

When we reconvened after lunch, we looked at a method of using technology to instil fear; Projection...


That piece is a little ambiguous, but really what it represents are the many possibilities! Imagine projecting someone elses face onto a neutral mask, or having a room full of living, speaking dolls. Or having one person dialog with themselves on stage through the use of multiple projections. This are certainly rolling in the ideas department, and today after looking into it, we used the characters we had developed earlier to experiment with cameras, and what we could do with the use of projection and live performance interaction. Ours was based around the story of the criminally insane girl who murdered her younger sister, with another actress and myself playing the part of her conscience, or rather playing out the inner monologue which happens during the scene. We were projected on the screen behind her, tormenting her with the thoughts she was having in her own head, we argued, yelled, laughed, all while the actress on stage reacted to our projections.

I am looking forward to using this in our final piece!

Saturday, October 2

Friday, October 1

"Fear" workshop, day three and four.

How sloppy of me to let me momentum slip!

Its the weekend now, or rather Friday afternoon, so its practically the weekend. I am sat comfortable at the desk in my room at home, and as such am free to evaluate the two days in which my group worked on our first performance project, "Fear."

On the Thursday I was only able to attend half of the days performance, due to clowning (more on that another time) and so missed a bit of the improv they went through to measure how fear can be generated by a few simple guidelines. What I was there for was the continuation of where we left off on the previous workshop. only this time with a little more emphasis on the controlling nature of my demon character, and increasing the clarity of the act of 'decision' that the protagonist must take between good and evil. It was interesting to pursue the exercise from the other day but I have to admit, I felt that I had done that already and learned what I could from it. Today some people mentioned wanting to do their sketches again or even in the performance itself, which made me sigh. Luckily I don't think that will be the case.

Today was all about sounds, and how we can use them to evoke the emagination of the audience. We were all tasked to bring an example of a piece of music we find to be scary, unnerving, or could in some way effect the feel of a scene to invoke fear. I chose Sally's Song from the Nightmare Before Christmas...


I don't really know why I chose that, I suppose its because there are a few discordant sounds in there, and the voice is quite shrill and eery (interestingly enough, while finding that video for you, I found a cover version by Amy Lee of Evenesence which is absolutely stunningly awesome.) After listening to the tracks that other people chose along with mine, we were able to discuss the ideas, emotions and in some cases (certainly some of mine) the narratives they conjure as we allow the music to take us on a journey.

It was certainly harder to have the images free flow in our heads (as a consensus) using the music with lyrics (such as mine) and it was generally agreed upon that soundtracks such as the Godfathers Theme (my second choice) and those from other such movies work best at generating unbiased streams of conciousness.

Finally, we gave an attempt at spoof. After looking at other examples in early cinematography at how music can give the audience the impressions and links and allow them to make certain in-obvious connotations with as little dialogue as possible (such films as 'White Zombie' and 'The Invisible Ghost.') The spoof really came about while watching the bad acting in those films, although for the way cinema worked at the time it was perfectly normal to be largely theatrical on film, these days film and theatre are two completely different worlds which is much separate from the mid nineteen hundreds theme of using theatre techniques...  and filming them. We took a track from one of the generic horror soundtrack CD's Mary (our director) brought along and set out at building a scene around the music using as little dialogue as possible.

I was disappointed in mine. Actually that's probably unfair, but then I am generally more critical of myself in private than I would let on. I thought that spoof would be something I was good at, being naturally comically inclined, but it seemed the other group got it without even thinking about it. The ironic thing is that some people in the other group with the same task I would argue do not have a single funny bone in their body, and yet they got it. This is sour grapes, obvious jealousy, but then what do you expect? Whats the point in thinking one of your strengths would serve you well, and you actually end up looking a fool (in a bad way) because of it. In fact, someone actually imparted some wisdom to us which was "Its much funnier when your not trying to be funny" which is ironic considering this is a lesson it took that person a semester to learn the year previous. That was vicious I suppose, but then I am actually more annoyed at myself than I am at the other people. Jealousy brings out the most vile creature in me, in most people I think, and I think I am over thinking things again as is my folly. I know I'm funny, I know I am funny when I don't want to be, I know that funny is spontaneous most of the time and controlled in only limited contexts.

Still, today left me feeling shit. Is that what it was supposed to do? I doubt it, and I doubt I will rectify the situation before division of our performance piece starts, but we shall see.

Fuck them, I'm well funny.

Wednesday, September 29

"Fear" workshop, day two.

Again, my apologies if this seems brief but I am on a time limit (I have a friend sat behind me as I write, as after this we are going to watch Ross Noble's new tour 'Non sensory Overload', and I am of course hella balls-to-the-wall excited.)

We began as usual with a workshop warm up, this time we focused on voice. We worked at creating harmony and discordance in equal measure, as a singular unit (that is, without letting the sound die between us, keeping it going and in many places alternating the breath.) Then we allowed ourselves to be led around the room with our eyes closed (working in pairs, alternating between the leader and the follower.) A suitable warmup, we were ready to begin.

Yesterday we were charged with finding a movie which had the basic theme of fear. Be it psychological thriller, horror, paranormal mystery, serial killers and what not. The movie I chose was Paranormal Activity, this being the most recent of that kind of movie which I have watched (not that I found it perticularly scary) and so it was easy for me to summarise it. I also liked the use of camera and its contemporary feel, almost realistic rather than naturalistic. My favourite or rather most memorable scene was one which happened during one of the evening filmings close to the end, when the lead female Katie is dragged with her foot from her bed by an unseen force...


We reviewed this and many other such films, like 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'The Orphan' discussing why the techinque worked ingenerating fear and the themes behind them. We touched on how the films differed and yet generated the same emotions, and how even the subject matter was vastly different from film to film.

After lunch we were tasked in small groups with devising our own short piece based on a loosely given plot synopsis. My group had "The last three minutes of a supernatural thriller, in which there must be a representation of a struggle between good and evil, with evil eventually winning." This was quite hard, abut I am pleased with what we did. Ours consisted of the protagonist 'Alice' having suffered the loss of her boyfriend a few months before, whom tried in vein to contact him using various occult sources of which one was the Ouija board. Through the board a demon comes and takes the form of her boyfriend which only she can see, and the boyfriend (played by myself) is the devil in her ear turning her against the altruistic best friend 'Carla'. The scene plays out and in the end the demon tricks Alice into killing her best friend. Given the amount of time we had to devise it I am pleased how it played out, and think that with more time it would only have gotten better.

I am afraid I will need to leave it here for now (and possibly indefinitely, or catchup on the next post) as it is time for a good dose of stand-up. I am so tired, I knew that the performance project will wear me out as it tends to, but with the cold on top of everything and having evening activities to attend, I have had little time to simple rest up and allow my body to work on battling this darn flu. Ah well, I shall persevere as I always do and take a little extra time to rest hard at the weekend.

Expect a review of the show at some point (Ross that is, but also this one when its finished.)

Tuesday, September 28

"Fear"workshop, day one.

This will be brief, as I am still rather ill and feel the sooner I can get to sleep the sooner I will be rather not-ill.

Today we looked at the idea of fear, we talked about what made us scared and why. It was a lot to discuss, but already I feel like we are diving right to the root of this project, and are building a good foundation to devise a piece of work. We were sent around the Adelphi building to find an area or place within or without that we find for one reason or another; scary. The area my group and I chose was a staircase leading below the basement level in one long stretch to a fire exit (which is at the very bottom step, ending the staircase abruptly.) We chose this area because the very unusual nature of the staircase meant that they appeared steeper than they actually are, and gave one viewing them from the top a sense of vertigo. Also, the abrupt end to the stairs at the bottom and the decent into darkness (being seemingly sub-terrain) seemed ominous.

We were then asked after lunch to return to that place and devise a piece of short theatre, with the intention to scare the audience. Instantly images came into my head from zombie movies with legless zombies clawing their way up the staircase to the audience, and perhaps appearing behind them, giving them the sense of being trapped. The image of something clawing and moving slowly is what I find very disturbing, more freaky-scary than terror-scary but ominous none the less...



Of course we then did this, my group and I with a small amount of improvisation and it worked. They jumped in the right place, they laughed a little but thats fine, its expected amongst friends. We went through everyones devised pieces in their own special places but I personally think ours was the best (I may be bias, but whatever.)

We were then sat together in a circle facing away from the centre, listening to the story "The Red Room" by H.G. Wells. A very interesting and atmospheric story, which I would suggest anyone to read if they wished to delve slightly into the macabre world of "Fear" for fear itself. All in all, a good second day, and a good step in the right direction (after all, none the less!)

Saturday, September 25

A story to reflect upon.

Just over a week ago my mother told me that for my Grandma's birthday we had been invited to a meal. My Grandma is a sprightly seven hundred years old and doesn't look a day over seventy two. Normally due to relations between my Dad and Grandma not being all what you would hope such a relationship to be, our side of the family are not asked along to these events (at least not I nor my father and older brothers) but I think they needed space to fill and I was a bum for an witting or unwitting seat.

The restaurant was an Italian place in Blackrod. Most of the family on my mothers side remained in or around Aspull (being where my Mum and her family grew up) with only my mother moving away to Worsley Mesnes with the rest of the scum. I should say that I am not bitter about relations amongst my family, we all love each other very dearly and although we may poke fun, the jocularity is just that, and I am very glad to be invited to such events, as I was with this one. I also don't want you thinking that my mothers side of the family consider themselves of higher status or bluer blood, we went to a posh Italian restaurant on a Friday evening because there was an offer on which would my my tight fisted Grandma happy, it was her birthday after all.

We all sat down to peruse the menu and pick our starters. There were my two Aunts, two husbands and five cousins (and two boyfriends of the former,) my Uncle with his wife and their four kids, my Mother, myself and of course, my Grandma. They had two vegetarian options, one being fried cheese and the other being breaded mushrooms. Both of these did not appeal to me as I am neither a fan of cheese or garlic (which the mushrooms were smothered in.) So naturally I took a look at the fish options and found there to be Prawn Cocktail, and 'Whitebait.'

Well, you reading this may be more in the know than I, who was at a loss as to what Whitebait could be. I surmised it was fish (that University education not going to waste) but there are plenty other fish in the sea as they say and some are more fish-like than others.

So here I was, at the cross roads. Do I take the safe, reliable and generally pleasing Prawn Cocktail in Marie Rose Sauce. This of course being something I enjoy and seldom get to eat or prepare myself, or do I be adventurous, live outside the box, a rebel of the restaurant, throw caution to the wind, be devil may care, to hell in a hand basket and order this peculiar but peculiarly alluring Whitebait. Why would I even consider ordering something which I had no clue of? This isn't Sye... Then again, University is an adventure. Stand-up comedy was an adventure. Moving out was an adventure. Look where all my adventures have led me, the people I've met, the amazing things I've experienced all through taking the bull by the horns. This is what 'Whitebait' represented, it was my freedom, my vice, everything I had denied myself and both strived for and feared in equal and insurmountable measure. It was my Everest, my catwalk, my prime time début. It was stepping outside of myself and living outside of the box known as safe, from which all of my most treasured experiences birth.

"Dovrò bianchetti per favore" I said, "I'll have the Whitebait."...








































...I could have died.

These poor little darling fish were looking up at me, accusatory even in death. Their little faces twisted in rictus as the look of pure terror and innocence forever shone from their now mortified, deathly staring eyes. I sat there, equipped with knife and fork in each hand with my mouth as open wide as the fish on the plate, with the same look of horror and an overwhelming feeling of guilt. I know I didn't kill them, I know I was not the one to the deep fry them in a jacuzzi of vegetable fat and indignity, I know I was not the one to serve them with a wedge of lemon, some side salad and the hope of a long and happy uneventful life. I had chosen adventure, and was presented with my reward.

"This is finer living!?" I thought, "This is the upper echelon at its peak!?" Of course it isn't, they probably spend slightly more than what we did particularly in light of the offer we took advantage of. But have no fear, the delights of my family were on hand to rectify the situation. My aunts husband, my uncle I suppose, swapped his starter for mine. I was eating deep fried Camembert and loving every bite of it, albeit guiltily considering my uncle then forewent a starter and settled for picking from other people (which I was fully prepared to do, though of course when the offer of an alternative starter came up I went for it.)

There we have it, I picked adventure and lucked out. I will leave you to take from this story what you want and to draw your own conclusions but I will finish on this note; I had a wonderful night, I found that I like 'Deep fried Camembert' very much, and my Grandma enjoyed her birthday.


Did I make the wrong choice in being adventurous? That's up to you. I will be adventurous next time though, because what's life without a little of the unknown.