Email from accommodation...

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From: Accommodation [Accommodation@salford.ac.uk]
Sent: 23 November 2010 14:49
To: [Sye] (UG); [Sye's email address]
Subject: Candles in rooms

DearMr [Sye]

On completing our recent room checking exercise, it was noted that there is a candle present within your room.  Your resident contract sets out your obligations and section 7Y clearly states that candles will not be used.  Because of this Health & Safety implication, your room has not been marked as Acceptable. A further room check will take place and, as long as the candles have been removed, your room will be marked as accepted.

Apart from the candle being present, your room was absolutely fine.

I hope you can support our concerns with students burning candles within their room and recognise the potentially serious health and safety implications.

Thank you

Site Services Assistants




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Dear Site Services Assistant(s)

I apologise for my discretion in keeping a censer in my halls. I don't know what I was thinking, it must have been a moment of sheer madness, particularly given the dangerous nature of a covered tea light. I will of course remove the candle right away.

However, the censer's purpose is to mask the stale damp smell, I assume this is from the previous occupant as I do not think the walls are thick enough to conceal any dead bodies or rotten vegetables (I am not an engineer so feel free to correct me on this, again I apologise.) I understand completely that a candle in my halls is a high risk to all concerned, but the smell is bothersome. Almost to the point which I am willing to submerge my head almost entirely in water during my time in my room. I was considering adding some of my scented oil to the water, but this would probably make my hair greasy.

Is there a secret method unbeknownst to me to rid my halls of the smell of that 'foot-and-mouthy' musk? The censer does the trick without being overpowering and I only ever use it when I am both in my halls and awake, but as this is against the rules (again, I apologise) I will need to think of something else. Any suggestions are more than welcome, Cheers!

Kind regards,
- Sye Watts.

Dear man-across-the-road-from-me

Please do not leave your blind up when you are returning to your room from the shower. If you insist on carrying on with this behaviour, then please refrain from removing your towel before securing some sort of visual block aid between your genitals and my eyes.

I appreciate that this was simple an instance of coincidence. I was glancing down at your block of flats, you were de-robing in the vulnerable position of having returned from the wash room, presumably squeaky clean (although I didn't have my glasses on so, who knows.) It has not happened since, but I am somewhat nervous to look out of the window now as 'peeping tom' is not one of my many alias' and I intend to keep it that way.

It isn't that I do not find you attractive. Of course you are a little larger than the demographic would demand, but I find that oddly endearing in a person. Also you have a cute face. However, while I may sound hypocritical to those who know me, I am not one for glasses. A body without a name or a face or a laugh or a personality to it is nice, but it would have to be very nice indeed to justify a vigil at my window to catch a glimpse of you giving it all you've got, 'upfront.' If we cross eyes in the street at some point, I will not embarrass you by mentioning the incident. I am sure it sticks in your mind as much as it does mine. Feel free to introduce yourself at any point, it would be nice to put a voice and a name to the body, all of it. I feel our brief interlude shall simply have to remain a fleeting glance between the two halls containing us over the void of grass and earth between.

Good luck in your endeavours, and I hope to 'see' you under better circumstances sometime.

Regards
- Sye

PS: Tell the guy that lives two doors from you to the right, he is allowed to take his top off and dance around a little. As long as his blind is up, and I have my glasses on.

Is it time to change?

Life seems to be running much faster these days.

In the past month I have finished my theatre project (which, to be honest with you, I really can't be bothered reviewing. It was a wonderful experience and it went very well, it was a success, and I am happy to have done it.) Been out around Manchester of an evening, and been to a house party. To the average person my age this may seem normal, or at least as normal as student life should get, but I think you reading this will know that for me, this is out of character.

I think that is a very important word in this context, character. I have had a wonderful time with my course mates, and consider them good friends, but the things I have been doing seem very unlike me. I have been enjoying myself though, which can only be a good thing, so is it that it in fact IS like me to do these things but have never had the chance? Sure I would go out with friends around Wigan, we would go to the pub, then a club afterwards, and as I don't drink I'd leave somewhere around the 12pm mark, which is usually the point in which things start to get boring for me.

Is not drinking inhibiting me? I get mixed reactions from people whom hear me say 'I don't drink' the first of which is usually 'Why?' I don't know why I don't drink! Sometimes its easier to say 'Oh, I have a stomach problem' (which I do, called Helicobacter Pylori which basically causes severe heartburn at the drop of a hat, but is controlled by medication) because the sympathy vote is a much nicer reaction than that of disgust or condescension.

What alcohol does is very simple. In your head are a number of controllers, lets take for example Freud's id, ego and super ego stuff. The ID is everything you want to do, its your pleasure centre, it only wants the good stuff and none of the bad stuff and is essentially your inner caveman (if I can use such a vulgar term.) Ego is the sly devil who appeases the ID in way which satifies it, but also looks after you in the context of reality, so your Ego will seek pleasure for ID while making sure you stay out of trouble in the long run. Superego is the rules you know to be true, such as morality and law and all that gaff, so it informs the Ego and suppresses the more destructive parts of the ID, call it your conscience (again, vulgar term, don't quote me but you get the idea.) When your brain consumes alcohol, it turns off Superego and fucks Ego up, leaving you with a sort of semi-functioning understanding of the rules of reality, and an overwhelming desire for pleasure. It turns off the voice in your head which says 'This is why you shouldn't do this' and essentially flips your personality from everything you wouldn't do for whatever reason (and they would be down to your character) to doing whatever because you have no inhibitions.

You can probably imagine why I might be apprehensive about alcohol. Not only do I have a stupidly strong desire to please others, and feel painful guilt when I think I have let someone down, but there are also a lot of things I would never say or do, but which I would sure as hell like to. In this sense I am generally a dishonest person, oh sure I wouldn't lie in the sense of misleading people, but a lie of omission is still a lie. There are quite a few people I am attracted to on my course which is fine, because I am human, but being the person that I am I know I would l never do anything that might ruin a friendship, I value that much much more. Lets not forget that I am really weird when it comes to things like being touched, which I am trying my fucking hardest to get over, because it makes me feel so shit when I can't get involved with horseplay and such, all because of my fucked up head.

At the party last night, I was there from about 10pm till 2am, and I genuinely had a good time. I am still honest with my feelings, and so when people ask 'Are you having fun' I will answer honestly, and when I say 'Not really' I know its time to shake my ass home (rather than stay and bring everyone else down.) I know I am not very good meeting too many new people at once, or when I am in a situation with friends and there is a new person, I am quite shy really, and its taken me a while to put my finger on that. So the party carried on and everyone was having a good time, getting drunk, there was some weed smoking I think, and I was enjoying myself until something clicked in my head.

I think it was when I was sat down, in the room with the music, and watching some of the people there dancing. Some I knew well, some I didn't know as well but I still considered friends. I remember thinking 'I wish I had friends like these' and this internal dialogue started to play out...

'But these are my friends'

'I want to play too'

'Then why don't I'

...and that was it. I didn't have an answer. Why don't I join in? I'm sure I am invited to, as much as any of the others. What is wrong with me? I don't think I am above it, in fact if clowning has taught me anything its that being beneath it is much more fun. Is it because I am sober? I don't think so, but then I wouldn't know because I'm not drunk. Why can't I stop fucking THINKING about this shit and just do it?

Is it my character?

My character. I have constructed it, for better or worse. Sye is a conscious character, but a character none the less. We all wear masks, every one of us. We hide behind them, we are naked without them, in fact I am of the opinion that I have only ever been without some sort of mask when I was younger. When I was Simon.

This may sound Odd, but there was a change in me when I came out. I left high school as most people did, at 16. As soon as I left, I came out gay. From then on I had a confidence I could never muster in school due to bullying, and as a symbol of that transition to the new, funny, outgoing confident guy I had become, I took on the nickname, the mantra of Sye. The name isn't important mind, it was the definitive split between what I was and what I was going to be (so I thought.) Many people have the same transition, and its not just a gay thing, people have this transition in their first relationship, after losing their virginity, after their first night wasted at a party, they shrug off what it was that they were for a new, more socially acceptable and presumably confident lifestyle.

Maybe I haven't shrugged everything off. Maybe this social awkwardness and weariness of intimacy is that bullied little boy finding himself in deep water and unable to swim.

Its times like this when I thank god for the friends that I have.

I sometimes find myself lying to fit in. just little white lies which are nothing special. I've never done drugs, although I have tried smoking and, although an interesting sensation, I didn't get any benefit from it. I have never been in a romantic relationship, although I imagine there are many people with boyfriends or girlfriends who couldn't call their relationship romantic. Probably one of the reasons I feel so out of place and awkward is because all of these things happen around me, and I feel I need to justifying myself to be accepted (its easy for me to say that this isn't the case, but if I am honest, I am as susceptible to peer pressure as anyone else, and this is exactly what it is.)

I always had the belief that I love my friends far more than they love me, simply because I need them more. I was saying to someone recently, one trait within my family is that we all crave to be needed. We want people to be able to rely on us and in doing so, we justify our friendships.

Hmm, I think I have proven that I can talk on and on about this topic. I think its because I am looking for answers as much as informing you, the reader, of what it is I have already found. I will say this though; If you are my friend, and I have quite a few at the point, know that I love you. I love you, and you have me at your disposal because of that love, should you ever need me I will do my honest best to make your life easier, and make you smile. You are the best person at being who you are, and for that reason you are surrounded by those who love you, and this includes me.

You do not need to love me, you are not responsible for my happiness and I do not want you to worry about me.

Just be there. Be there and be you, that is all I ask.

† After proof reading this, I can see it has a certain 'Oh my life is shit, why am I such a dick head' tone to it. I am not looking for attention or sympathy here, please don't feel obligated to give me either. its the reason I will leave a room if I think I'm being a social hermit. My problems are my problems as with others and theirs. I write them down because it helps me understand myself sometimes.

I write them online because its cheaper than buying a diary, and its essentially an easy attempt at being more open about myself.

"Fear" workshop, final preperation day and first scripting session.

Today began as it meant to go on; promisingly. I find myself willingly waking up earlier and earlier as today I got up at around 8am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I love winter mornings, I love winter in general actually, and so getting a lung full of fresh air as I make the morning stroll to uni is a wonderful wake-up call.

We continued this morning with the hybrid video/theatre piece, refining it as we hadn't had a chance to yesterday. We spent the morning scripting and shooting it, meaning we were able to get eye lines and back-and-forth dialog going much smoother and more refined. We didn't manage to perform the video in the end due to a mix-up with the rooms, but I am certainly proud of what we managed to accomplish. There was a little bit of a tiff involving a member of the group, but in general it didn't really effect the rest of the day. I was disappointed however, because if you have been keeping up, in my last post I mentioned one of the things which I really liked about this project was the camaraderie and the coming together of a successful ensemble. This seems to have been dashed, and whereas I am rather angry at what happened and the way it played out, I am professional and am treating this as just another bump in the road. We will all continue to work together, and will simply chose to associate with those we get on with outside of the projects time (you can probably tell I am somewhat peeved at what went on, but I'll leave it there.)

After lunch was a lovely long discussion whereby we began to discuss the narrative of the piece as a performance. I was really pleased at how we were able to bring the weeks worth or research material collecting into this one large discussion and highlight exactly how much we have managed to do in just a week.

We first discussed what we had done, day by day. We spoke about what it was in those particular studies that we found interesting and wanted to experiment with, and keep in the performance in whatever way it works out to be. We then spoke about methods in which we can apply what came as a result of research

I have never taken part in the division of a performance piece and was really pleased and excited at the progress we made. It wasn't dull or time wasting as such planning meetings can be (from previous experience) and actually I think we all had an equal amount of input, or rather the ones with a lot of ideas were able to inspire the people with few ideas, meaning we were able to share in the creation process. I understand that we are still a while away from a final piece, but the layer's and layer's this piece has already received gives me such hope that the end result will be an amazing piece of theatre, and a project I will be proud to have been a part of.

I'll be honest with you. I was going to write a rant about professionalism and good nature and all the things I am trying to master at university (in regards to the tiff which happened earlier today) but as I cannot be sure that parties involved are not reading the blog, I will not indulge myself. Also, even though it really made me angry at the whole situation (as it did involve me, and it shouldn't have) at the end of the day it didn't detract from the headway we made, and actually, it was probably just a bit of attention seeking in the case of the party involved, so I am better not rising to it*.

When you are angry, the best thing to say, is nothing at all (advice I did well to follow this afternoon.)

*When writing this, I was still going over the events of the day. It is now Sunday of the week after when I have access to the internet, and the events which this post details have since been resolved to the satisfaction of the group.

Cheerleading*, the case for.

Victoria Coren and Tony Parsons have recently written articles in the Guardian and Mirror respectively on what they think about Cheerleading.

Both seem to be jumping on some sort of anti-cheerleading bandwagon whom are only supported by their small fanbase, but even their arguements against cheerleading (for some reason, the fact that people enjoy cheerleading upsets them) are ludicrously personally bias and based on missguided assumptions from what they see on American TV.

Cheerleading is not a sport reserved entirely for pretty young girls. It is not something which is there purely for the entertainment of men, or the sexual gratification at the expense of the respect and dignity of the performers, because that is exactly what they are, performers. Its interesting where the definition is drawn between what is for the perverse pleasure of others and what is simply an appropriate thing to wear (they are usually pleasant to look at, eye catching, are breathable and generally allow for movement.) A cheerleader wearing a short skirt with shorts underneath and a long sleeve top is quite clearly a slut, whereas a swimmer wearing little more than a smile is an athlete...

Pictured: Acceptable sporting attire

Of course, this is only the case for women, which aforementioned journalists seem happy to comment on while ignoring the other side of the coin. I am tackling one side of the argument because of the lack of research these so called hournalists have put into the latter of their argument, that it is not a real sport. Men do real sports, right? Why can't women do real sports like football or rugby? Men are oppressing them, and so they are forced or voodoo-mind controlled into thinking that dancing for them in skimpy outfits while waving pompoms is as good as any other sport, the fools, damn those pesky men!...

Stop objectifying these cheerleaders!

The arguments of these opinionated media whores simply do not take into account that men and young men are involved in this sport, maybe not to the extent of women, but enough to merit a difference for an all girl, mixed, and all male stunting groups.

While we are on the subject of stunts, lets try and tackle this 'Its not a sport' issue. A report in 2008 discovered that cheerleading is the most dangerous sport for women (in America) and as it is the American style of cheerleading which is catching on fast. I have just found the following video of what has been going on this past year in America, and remember that cheerleading is nowhere near the scale over here as it is over there, but we are pushing to better outselves in this way and the techniques are often emulated...

Not Pictured: Sport...

...lets take a look at what is considered a sport:

• Angling
• Arm wrestling 
• Ballooning 
• Billiards 
• Bowls
• Clay pigeon shooting 
• Curling
• Darts 
• Folk dancing
• Health and beauty exercise
• Lawn tennis
• Life saving
• Orienteering
• Pool
• Skateboarding
• Skipping
• Snooker
• Yoga [source]

He's been training all his life!

Say what you want about cheerleading, but then next time I see the national Yoga championships take away people in stretchers for breaking large amounts of themselves, I'll eat my hat. Fact is, people do not know what cheerleading is, which is fine, hell I don't know the ins and outs of professional skipping, but that doesn't mean I launch feminist tirades or ignorant diatribes against it. So the clothing is a little shorter than a kimono, that's means that it is exploiting young girls? So there is dance and chanting involved, that means it is less a sport than something involving a ball? I pity those who cannot break their preconceptions. I imagine these people don't try yoga because its just a bunch of stretching and breathing, or that they think that its only a sport if there is an international cup to be won.

Try it, then tell us its not a sport.

*I am aware that in English, Cheer Leading is a two word phrase, but I use Cheerleading for the sake of arguement.