"Fear" workshop, day two.

Again, my apologies if this seems brief but I am on a time limit (I have a friend sat behind me as I write, as after this we are going to watch Ross Noble's new tour 'Non sensory Overload', and I am of course hella balls-to-the-wall excited.)

We began as usual with a workshop warm up, this time we focused on voice. We worked at creating harmony and discordance in equal measure, as a singular unit (that is, without letting the sound die between us, keeping it going and in many places alternating the breath.) Then we allowed ourselves to be led around the room with our eyes closed (working in pairs, alternating between the leader and the follower.) A suitable warmup, we were ready to begin.

Yesterday we were charged with finding a movie which had the basic theme of fear. Be it psychological thriller, horror, paranormal mystery, serial killers and what not. The movie I chose was Paranormal Activity, this being the most recent of that kind of movie which I have watched (not that I found it perticularly scary) and so it was easy for me to summarise it. I also liked the use of camera and its contemporary feel, almost realistic rather than naturalistic. My favourite or rather most memorable scene was one which happened during one of the evening filmings close to the end, when the lead female Katie is dragged with her foot from her bed by an unseen force...

We reviewed this and many other such films, like 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'The Orphan' discussing why the techinque worked ingenerating fear and the themes behind them. We touched on how the films differed and yet generated the same emotions, and how even the subject matter was vastly different from film to film.

After lunch we were tasked in small groups with devising our own short piece based on a loosely given plot synopsis. My group had "The last three minutes of a supernatural thriller, in which there must be a representation of a struggle between good and evil, with evil eventually winning." This was quite hard, abut I am pleased with what we did. Ours consisted of the protagonist 'Alice' having suffered the loss of her boyfriend a few months before, whom tried in vein to contact him using various occult sources of which one was the Ouija board. Through the board a demon comes and takes the form of her boyfriend which only she can see, and the boyfriend (played by myself) is the devil in her ear turning her against the altruistic best friend 'Carla'. The scene plays out and in the end the demon tricks Alice into killing her best friend. Given the amount of time we had to devise it I am pleased how it played out, and think that with more time it would only have gotten better.

I am afraid I will need to leave it here for now (and possibly indefinitely, or catchup on the next post) as it is time for a good dose of stand-up. I am so tired, I knew that the performance project will wear me out as it tends to, but with the cold on top of everything and having evening activities to attend, I have had little time to simple rest up and allow my body to work on battling this darn flu. Ah well, I shall persevere as I always do and take a little extra time to rest hard at the weekend.

Expect a review of the show at some point (Ross that is, but also this one when its finished.)

"Fear"workshop, day one.

This will be brief, as I am still rather ill and feel the sooner I can get to sleep the sooner I will be rather not-ill.

Today we looked at the idea of fear, we talked about what made us scared and why. It was a lot to discuss, but already I feel like we are diving right to the root of this project, and are building a good foundation to devise a piece of work. We were sent around the Adelphi building to find an area or place within or without that we find for one reason or another; scary. The area my group and I chose was a staircase leading below the basement level in one long stretch to a fire exit (which is at the very bottom step, ending the staircase abruptly.) We chose this area because the very unusual nature of the staircase meant that they appeared steeper than they actually are, and gave one viewing them from the top a sense of vertigo. Also, the abrupt end to the stairs at the bottom and the decent into darkness (being seemingly sub-terrain) seemed ominous.

We were then asked after lunch to return to that place and devise a piece of short theatre, with the intention to scare the audience. Instantly images came into my head from zombie movies with legless zombies clawing their way up the staircase to the audience, and perhaps appearing behind them, giving them the sense of being trapped. The image of something clawing and moving slowly is what I find very disturbing, more freaky-scary than terror-scary but ominous none the less...

Of course we then did this, my group and I with a small amount of improvisation and it worked. They jumped in the right place, they laughed a little but thats fine, its expected amongst friends. We went through everyones devised pieces in their own special places but I personally think ours was the best (I may be bias, but whatever.)

We were then sat together in a circle facing away from the centre, listening to the story "The Red Room" by H.G. Wells. A very interesting and atmospheric story, which I would suggest anyone to read if they wished to delve slightly into the macabre world of "Fear" for fear itself. All in all, a good second day, and a good step in the right direction (after all, none the less!)

Performance Project: "Fear"

That may be a temporary name, I am as of yet uncertain.

For those of you not in the know, at the beginning of each semester I have a performance or theatre project to complete. It takes up the first month and the timetable is pretty harsh (10am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, with a performance on Friday and Saturday evenings at the end of it.) Last year the project was Beyond the Front Line which I chronicled in detail from beginning to end for your reading pleasure and found it an entirely too convenient way to put a reflective essay together in one simple evening, and so for this project I intend to do the same. You'll have to excuse me if things seem a little off, I have a hum-dinger of a cold at the moment. I have just come from warming some lovely 'Heinz Winter Vegetable Broth' for my supper, having come from the shower before doing so (I will be stopping to take a yummy bite of my soft white bread soaked in soup while I type, how distracting!)

Today was the first day, the whole year group collected into the Studio Theatre at Adelphi to organise our groups and learn of the task we had ahead, the nature of the beast. I learned that the nature of our particular beast is fear (isn't it always?) and became giddy. I have worked with fear before, in my Art perhaps, but fear and that which is encompasses is familiar territory to me. I was told that we were to devise our own piece of theatre with fear as the theme, this will involve the 'grotesque clown' and 'black comedy' concepts, and even hinted towards a touch of the macabre or even cabaret Gothic, Rocky Horror style. We then proceeded to workshop.

For those unaware, theatre workshop can seem like the height of pointless. I'll explain and you can judge for yourself how high up on the Artsy Fartsy Acting scale it lands. The game was simple, amongst other tabloid pieces and sound scapes we created the focus was a game I shall refer to as simple 'Yes.' The concept from the off is that the group stands in a circle, a person begins by making eye contact with someone and saying their name. This person must then say "Yes" which is an acceptance than the person looking at them can take their space, then the focus is put on the person who said "Yes" and the process begins again (They look at someone, say their name, wait for a "Yes" yadda yadda.)

Excuse me a second, my soup is going cold....

That's better. So the game continues like this until the pace builds up and the flaws are ironed out. The game then changes into something seemingly more difficult. The person making eye contact no longer says the recipients name. This carries on until the rules change slightly a final time, whereby the 'yes' is replaced by a nod. You can see how complicated this would get being performed amongst a year group of about forty people, a few times my poor eyesight made me the butt of a few titters for mistaking myself as someone of attention. Of course, I can take these things in my stride, being an adult (damn them all to hell.) We got the hang of it eventually.

The game is a way of finding your 'ticks' (the things you do without knowing, which make your feel safe) such as leaning on one leg, biting your nails or staring at the floor, all of which an actor needs to be aware of if they are to cast them aside in favour of the ticks of the character they are trying to portray. I noticed that I had to fight to stop playing with my hands, which is strange considering I think that particular tick is unique to that one circumstance, I don't recall ever noticing or having anyone else notice that behaviour in me. The game is also a good way to guage how a person can behave on stage. Do they leave before saying "Yes" to the person giving them the stare? Do they panic to find another person whose name they have for no reason simply forgotten? Are they quiet in saying their victims names or answering in the affirmative? All of these tell a lot of crucial, almost subliminal information for a director. I am generally a fan of improvisation and will rather leap at the chance to leap into things head first than slowly plot my path beforehand (on stage that is) and so I found this game much easier when I wasn't plotting my course. The lesson today was definately on the importance of focus in a performance. Without it, we lose where we are, we lose character, we lose faith in ourselves and our team mates and worst of all, we tense up when we struggle to regain it, leading to a world of problems.

Almost finished my soup now...

On the administrative side of things I am somewhat disappointed. There seems to be a great imbalance between the two groups into which our year group has been split for the duration of the performance projects. This could be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, too many cooks spoil the broth (which I recommend by the way, very satisfying and currently on offer in Tesco's) certainly when it comes to a piece devised by an 'ensemble.'  On the other hand, many hands make light work, and I have no doubt that out of every group you will have your waifs and lollygaggers, your laissez-faire mentality in certain performers happy with a 'pass' which I am sure you will be pleased to know; doesn't wash with me, particularly not after last year.

Right, soup's finished. I always feel lovely and full after soup, a perfect supper as it is both filling, but not too heavy on the old tummy. I'd better get some sleep you know, not only do I have this aforementioned cold to shift which as all good small town boys like myself know can only be shifted by plenty of bed rest (and Beechams,)  but today was just an introduction. For all the ills of last nights ditch attempt at a good nights sleep, tonight I will need to knuckle down and do some serious sleeping, for tomorrow; the work begins.

A story to reflect upon.

Just over a week ago my mother told me that for my Grandma's birthday we had been invited to a meal. My Grandma is a sprightly seven hundred years old and doesn't look a day over seventy two. Normally due to relations between my Dad and Grandma not being all what you would hope such a relationship to be, our side of the family are not asked along to these events (at least not I nor my father and older brothers) but I think they needed space to fill and I was a bum for an witting or unwitting seat.

The restaurant was an Italian place in Blackrod. Most of the family on my mothers side remained in or around Aspull (being where my Mum and her family grew up) with only my mother moving away to Worsley Mesnes with the rest of the scum. I should say that I am not bitter about relations amongst my family, we all love each other very dearly and although we may poke fun, the jocularity is just that, and I am very glad to be invited to such events, as I was with this one. I also don't want you thinking that my mothers side of the family consider themselves of higher status or bluer blood, we went to a posh Italian restaurant on a Friday evening because there was an offer on which would my my tight fisted Grandma happy, it was her birthday after all.

We all sat down to peruse the menu and pick our starters. There were my two Aunts, two husbands and five cousins (and two boyfriends of the former,) my Uncle with his wife and their four kids, my Mother, myself and of course, my Grandma. They had two vegetarian options, one being fried cheese and the other being breaded mushrooms. Both of these did not appeal to me as I am neither a fan of cheese or garlic (which the mushrooms were smothered in.) So naturally I took a look at the fish options and found there to be Prawn Cocktail, and 'Whitebait.'

Well, you reading this may be more in the know than I, who was at a loss as to what Whitebait could be. I surmised it was fish (that University education not going to waste) but there are plenty other fish in the sea as they say and some are more fish-like than others.

So here I was, at the cross roads. Do I take the safe, reliable and generally pleasing Prawn Cocktail in Marie Rose Sauce. This of course being something I enjoy and seldom get to eat or prepare myself, or do I be adventurous, live outside the box, a rebel of the restaurant, throw caution to the wind, be devil may care, to hell in a hand basket and order this peculiar but peculiarly alluring Whitebait. Why would I even consider ordering something which I had no clue of? This isn't Sye... Then again, University is an adventure. Stand-up comedy was an adventure. Moving out was an adventure. Look where all my adventures have led me, the people I've met, the amazing things I've experienced all through taking the bull by the horns. This is what 'Whitebait' represented, it was my freedom, my vice, everything I had denied myself and both strived for and feared in equal and insurmountable measure. It was my Everest, my catwalk, my prime time début. It was stepping outside of myself and living outside of the box known as safe, from which all of my most treasured experiences birth.

"Dovrò bianchetti per favore" I said, "I'll have the Whitebait."...

...I could have died.

These poor little darling fish were looking up at me, accusatory even in death. Their little faces twisted in rictus as the look of pure terror and innocence forever shone from their now mortified, deathly staring eyes. I sat there, equipped with knife and fork in each hand with my mouth as open wide as the fish on the plate, with the same look of horror and an overwhelming feeling of guilt. I know I didn't kill them, I know I was not the one to the deep fry them in a jacuzzi of vegetable fat and indignity, I know I was not the one to serve them with a wedge of lemon, some side salad and the hope of a long and happy uneventful life. I had chosen adventure, and was presented with my reward.

"This is finer living!?" I thought, "This is the upper echelon at its peak!?" Of course it isn't, they probably spend slightly more than what we did particularly in light of the offer we took advantage of. But have no fear, the delights of my family were on hand to rectify the situation. My aunts husband, my uncle I suppose, swapped his starter for mine. I was eating deep fried Camembert and loving every bite of it, albeit guiltily considering my uncle then forewent a starter and settled for picking from other people (which I was fully prepared to do, though of course when the offer of an alternative starter came up I went for it.)

There we have it, I picked adventure and lucked out. I will leave you to take from this story what you want and to draw your own conclusions but I will finish on this note; I had a wonderful night, I found that I like 'Deep fried Camembert' very much, and my Grandma enjoyed her birthday.

Did I make the wrong choice in being adventurous? That's up to you. I will be adventurous next time though, because what's life without a little of the unknown.

Back to school.

That time has rolled up once again, my second year of University starts later this month, and I cannot wait! The downs not withstanding from last years first year, the ups are something I am certainly looking forward to repeating.

Lets see if I can enumerate the Ups and Downs for your clarifical delights...

Ups

• Meeting some great people and making a heap of new friends
• Giving stand-up comedy a go
• Moving out and finding my feet (sort of)
• Learning a load of neat things such as the ins and outs of camera work, media analysis and voice
• Trying a load of neat things, such as video production, mask work and clowning
• Getting involved with Comedy Sportz Manchester
• Becoming a cheer leader
• Being involved with Beyond the Front Line
• Finding my bliss
• Being financially 'better off'
• Living in Manchester
• Losing weight and becoming fitter/healthier...

There are a lot there but actually I feel the list is too short, its missing something, it is incomplete or otherwise without. I suppose its the feeling of being a student, and everything that word entails whether that be fighting the stereotype of the student or embracing the lifestyle it engenders. There were downs though, I am not trying to rose tint your picture here as there certainly were things which took the shine from an otherwise perfect experience...

Downs

• Sharing a house with eleven people, most of whom horrible, horrible people
• Being, or having the feeling of being overlooked, or 'passed over'
• Getting passes in everything, when I am capable of so much more (and in some cases feel I did so much more)
• Not trying as hard as I know I could have
• Missing classes due to the lecturer being absent, and not per suing the matter for reimbursement
• Not making an effort to with people who could be closer friends than they are now...

I admit, that last one is something that I think we all suffer from, I certainly don't just regret it from Uni but from most situations I find myself. We all wear masks you see, I sometimes need to lower my barriers and just simply be with people as I am, and not try to impress people or be overtly polite to avoid offending them. Or act as naive as I do, because I know that is something I do a lot. I generally do believe there is a silver lining to every cloud, and in trying my hardest to be positive I am serving my friends and colleagues to the best of my ability but I regret that in some instances people want more than that.

In retrospect, its actually the people I spoke to in earnest that I consider closer than other in my year. Its the people I let my guard down to, even slightly, and shared my frustration with. It was that communal frustration, that agreement of nuances that brought us together and actually if it weren't for the fact that I am such a dowdy spinster and have some intimacy and trust issues I would probably be sharing a house now with some of them, lounging on the couch eating ice cream in the lap of a friend while we watch a zombie film or have some chill out music on.

I think I will aim for that this year. I have already made a list of the things I want to accomplish, and while I will append this to the end of it I won't go and add it to my original list, as the thought process is as important as the decision. I have said many times to many people, I often prefer the journey to the destination.