Seeing red

Its that time again ladies and gentlemen, red nose day is vast approaching and I'm stuck for ideas on what to do! I definitely want to get in on the comedy action but nothing I do shocks people anymore (I'll take that as a good thing because I choose to damn it!)

Ideas on a post card mayhaps? I don't know, I've recently splashed out on a new kilt which will be arriving soon so maybe I can do something with that, maybe get sponsored for a day in the kilt or something, I could probably get a few laughs out of that.

Another Idea I had was to work with accents, like get sponsored to spent a day with a regional accent, problem is I'm still not 100% on my accents so I'd probably sound shit trying to do one all day, it would be good practice though, I'll think on that one. Oh I've just had a brilliant idea, hows about I spend a day in my full kilt outfit, and have a scottish accent! then again to the people that don't know me it would just look like either a really proud scot or an over ambitious highlander fan.

Shame I don't have a comments thing yet, Id really like to find out what you guys thin, I was considering just giving in and residing to word press, it would be easier but it would also take away some of what makes this site so personal I think, I'm not sure! email me with your ideas, or ring me if you know my number~

A quick update, I have filled out my UCAS form and sent it out last week, and I received a post card thingy from salford uni informing me that they are considering my application, those bitches! why isn't it a simply yes or no, they have all the information there! are they waiting for better people to come along is that it? have I gone to the bottom of a pile, a "just incase no-one turns up we'll let him in" pile? I'm very annoyed but I think thats just because I hate being in limbo like this, its unfair, I can't even focus on my course!

I'd also like to apologise, I'm not sure how many of you were looking forward to the rambling of an old crone this month, but she's been snowed in since late january. I know the snows all melted, they keep having it sent down from scotland and dumping it over her bungalow, just to give us an extra week rest.

...yes, they've cut her phone wires, I think she can still get radio 4 though.

I'm losing it

I think I'm losing the battle, shits getting very, very serious now. In the past three weeks I've had three deadlines for worksheets and essays, I have a presentation on monday and an essay due wednesday, and I havn't even started the essay. I really don't think I can handle this, I'm drowning in work. My problem is, although I have the best intentions, I can't get work started, once its started I'm usually fine, but getting going is impossible for me.

I know I joke about motivation, and its easy for someone to turn to me and say 'just do it', but it is a real barrier for me. Right now I have the best motivation I can think of, which is salford university, and I still can't get my head down. Not only that, but almost everyone else on the course seems to be getting along fine with things, the odd one or two complain about the amount of work, but they'll also say "I'm going to get this and that done tonight", and they'll actually do it!

Maybe I'm taking too many things for granted. I do have difficult conditions in terms of this social worker and adoption nonesense (if you don't knkow, its a rather long story) as a result of which they have cut me a bit of slack (about +1 week on deadlines.) I think I might just have to stop in some nights and get it done, or not go out to wigan for lunch, and such. I have B.yoU mondays and thursdays but there is no way I am missing this years performance, lead role, most of the story is my own work and its already got some expectant followers, not to mention I have it on my UCAS application already (and I havn't lied anywhere else on it!)

Thats it, I have had enough of feeling like a dick head over my own short comings. I'm not academic, but unlike my brothers and close friends I'm not going to let that barrier stop me. In fact, I don't think there is such a thing as 'not academic', I can do the work and thats all I need to be academic! I care too much about my future to let this oppertunity for a career to slip me by, theres too much at stake to let it fall through my fingers.

RE: Motivation

In an effort to embrace other people's opinions I am going to try and get myself motivated. I refer back to earlier in the year when Antony posted on the subject a short step by step suggestion guide to get you motivated, so here goes...

The Task: Health Studies Worksheet - Perspectives on Health and Illness. Due in: Yesterday. Today's Motto: It won't do itself! (Unlike dogs)

Lazy worksheet, do yourself!

Antony suggests... "Our family and friends have a massive influence on our lives. ~So when your motivation is low go to them for some support."

I tried, they don't want to do it either, in fact I went to ask my dad and he told me to take the bins out, and put the kettle on, and get him his pills, and remember to hand that form in to my tutor... I think would have been more motivated if I'd stayed upstairs.

Antony Suggests... "When motivation levels are low it can be good to list the Pro’s of doing or not doing something. Listing the Con’s also help."

Ok lets be systematic..

Pro: It will be done	Con: I have to spend time doing it
Pro: I'll get satisfaction when completing it	Con: I still have to spend time doing it
Pro: Its a step towards Uni	Con: Its really REALLY hard
Pro: Its good student practice	Con: I could be playing games here...
Pro: Ermm	Con: I have to rehearse tonight
	Con: My back hurts
	Con: The room needs cleaning
	Con: What's that buzzing noise?
	Con: The rooms too hot
	Con: I'm getting eye strain

...moving swiftly on!

Antony suggests... "We tend to want the things in life we are trying to deny yourself. So a good motivation method I do is simply not to deny myself anything. I say: Just for today, I will eat healthier and take my break at work. It is a psychological trick I play on myself verbalised as a positive affirmation. I works really well for me."

This sounds like a great way to motivate yourself, unfortunately in this situation I find myself saying "Just for today... I'll do it tomorrow."

Antony suggests... "Many people only realise when they slip up or don’t achieve the end result. It is important if your motivation levels are low to recognise how far you have come and congratulate yourself! Well done on getting this far! Just a little further to go - you can do it"

This was a nice thought, "only half a year to go" I thought, then it sunk in... all this work and its only been half a year! The nature of my course fits two years worth of A levels into one fun filled year of un financed hell, so essentially what I've just done is the 'easy six months', now I've got another six months of hell! The ironing is looking more and more desirable...

Antony suggests... "If your having a particularly hard or difficult week in terms of your motivation levels, treat yourself. Buy yourself a gift to reward the hard work that you have done."

I'm all up for a treat, no doubts about that! It usually involves me indulging in one of my favorite past times, sitting in the bus station giggling at the screen on my phone and counting how many nosey bitches try to see what I'm reading, but I stopped that after two cautions and a marriage proposal.

Antony suggests... [on religion,]"In this case, you have to be the judgement on how your own religion will enhance your motivation levels. For some prayers will increase their motivation."

Thank god its friday, oh sweet Jesus its only monday!

...and finally, Antony suggests... "If you don’t do that well, start again tomorrow. Noboday achieved all of their goals or new years resolutions on the first attempt. It’s important you just start again tomorrow! Don’t leave it and make excuses to yourself and delay starting again!"

I agree, I'll do it tomorrow. Cheers Ant, your a star!

The whole year through: 2008

Crazy times we live in isn't it? looking back on the year I just survived really scares me how I came into it, and how I will soon leave it.

At the beginning of the year I was full of hope and promise on an Art & Design course at Wigan and leigh college, I also had an unsuccessful art business with its gears slowly grinding, and grinding slower by the week. I was a member of a progressive group of social entrepreneurs called PULSE which has disappeared to my knowledge. I left the course in march due to financial difficulties, and also the realization that to have a career in the art industry I would probably need to leave Wigan and find a larger market for design somewhere in the city, which I didn't want to do, and so I signed back on JSA (Job seekers allowance)

After signing back on and floating merrily through life at this point along rolled my 21st birthday and with it, a few startling realizations. If I wasn't at college age and have no opportunity for financial help there, I would need to move on to university. this of course wasn't a natural progression as it might seem, I was actually convinced to move onto university by my two close friends Antony and Janet, who spent at least forty minutes at the end of a dance class talking me into looking for a uni course, which I then did. I found a course, which I wrote about in my classic blog here. I filled out my UCAS 'clearing' form (discount courses they couldn't fill I imagine) and unfortunately was told by three different Uni's that I was under qualified, there's £15 I'll never see again.

But all was not lost! The administration I spoke to regarding the course advised me to look for an Access to HE course, designs on getting people with low qualifications into uni, and low and behold, I found a spot available at the University of Bolton. So on October 13th I started my first day as a university student, with all its expenses and labour, and soon I was well into the swing of late assignments and early mornings and missed trains, it was bliss. I say was of course, I mean is bliss, as the course will continue until its conclusion at the beginning of summer when hopefully, I will have an access diploma. At this point, I am very confused, when I joined the course at the beginning of october I was fully intending to carry the subject onto psychology degree level, obtain a degree in psychology and go find work in that field, however over the holiday period, my mind has done back flips and has landed somewhere else entirely.

It could have been some bad mince pie I have eaten, or perhaps its all a dream, I don't yet know, but my ambition now is to go onto a Performing Arts degree, hopefully at Salford Uni. I agonised over this decision (as you can slightly see in the previous post) and now even if I was forced to do the psyche degree, I couldn't put my heart into it, because its not really what I want now. I mean psychology is very interesting, but as a career it would probably destroy me.

So here it is, full circle, as a new years resolution I think I'm going to stop making long term plans, and just take life as it comes. over the holidays I've lost 9 pounds through not eating, I attribute my loss of appetite to the life changing decision I made (and due to weight loss my stretch marks are itchy as fuck) and I have no intention on being under that kind of stress again until my degree starts, I have enough to worry about in finishing the year, let alone starting a new one!

I really do have no idea what I'm doing, apart from going out of my mind. then again, my mind wasn't exactly the most straight forward place to be in the first place.

Just take it as it comes, and have a happy new year!

Saved from my phone!

Praise Jeebus!

A while ago when I tried to hook my pretty phone up to my ugly computer, the cable decided that from henceforth I am no longer to have nice things, and wiped my phones memory. Since then, the data transfer cable on my phone refused to work. Now however, thanks to the kindly donation of a Micro SD card from a friend (thanks for that!) I can get some of those 'on the spot' pictures you take, or rather, I took, when I didnt have my normal camera around.

Some of these are from quite a while ago, but Ill just give a little back story if they are too unclear, so without further a do, here's what I rescued (in no peticular order)!

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This is from the very harshest point of winter 2008 which was around early januaryish. This was Bolton train station, I had to wait about half an hour for my train home after Uni, but I love snow and I love the cold, so it was all good.

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This was the awesome site of a bus which had lost control due to faulty breaks and went crashing into the tree's over the road from my house. It was a scorching heat and some had though the driver had had a heart attack or something, so I grabbed my camera and took some shots guiltlessly, I'm that kind of heartless~

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When it had snowed in Bolton early january, the students (and some lecturers) decided it would be fun to build a snowman, but instead of building a snowman, they simly rolled a gigantic snow ball. This was taken a week after the initial snowfall, and a good few days after it had stopped being even slightly frosty, it was still there, and still huge!

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Thats ASDA price!

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This was some sort of fire at the cricket club at St Judes near where I live, this was just nosey neighboring on my part, I don't have any back story for it.

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Two weeks on and the snowball is dirtier and a little smaller, but still there...

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I should probably elaborate on the significance of this, you may be thinking 'yes we've seen snow in Bolton already, get over it' to which I will tell you to shut up, and also you look fat. No the reason why this is significant is, not only was this a whole four weeks after the first real snowfall, where we entered another harsh freezing period, but the snow was so fast and thick here, it stuck, which may not be amazing apart from the fact that that very morning, we had heavy rain!

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Save the best 'till last as they say~ This was the late novermber show of the Red Ribbon Cabaret, of which my fellow B.yoU members and I were a part of. This is the best picture I took of me in drag, and I love it, there arn't many good pictures of me in drg mostly because I end up looking like a taller version of my mum, but I'm glad I could save this one from my phone, Im vein like that.