Sod it, I'm sticking to greens!

As some of you might be aware (those who see me often and a few Internet psychics out there) I have recently been toying with the idea of going back to eating meat.

Originally the idea of going back to a regular diet was because 'I didn't feel so bad' about eating animals, whereas actually it was a case of how people saw me. Yes alright, I admit it, the decision was actually influenced by what other people thought and for that I am rather ashamed. I've always been able to keep a balance between what I do for myself and what I do for my image, which is what other people would see. Anyone who tells me that they do not care what other people think of them is a liar, the only time we as a culture do not concern ourselves with what other people think is in times of personal crisis. I started toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian when I was 16, but struggled to break the habit of meat. When you've eaten meat all your life, it really does become habit to eat it, its very easy to make a chicken sandwich using the cooked meat in the fridge, and very easy to accept a burger at a barbecue.

But of course, effecting change is never easy, and although I gave up on the idea of becoming a vegetarian when I was 16, I tried again at 18, and managed to slowly remove eating meat from my everyday habits. It was hard, in fact I only became a vegetarian when I was 19, because between august 2006 and February 2007 I was still eating meat here and there, like a quarter pounder at McDonald's and a turkey buttie here and there. In February, I was tired of the idea of being a 'part-time vegetarian' as my parents so lovingly called me (and rightly called me, I was a shit veggie) I divided its all or nothing, so I took the plunge.

A few months later I started to notice a slight weight loss, which was good because it was around that point where I was near the 16 stone mark and technically overweight, so seeing a decrease in my waistline was cool. I also started to eat fish at that point, I'd never really been a big fan of fish when meat was still on the menu but while I was avoiding red meats and bird meat, fish meat became more appealing. In this sense, I am still not strictly speaking a vegetarian, I am what people call a 'piscatarian' which is almost a derogatory term given by 'real vegetarians and vegans' to people who claim to be vegetarian but still eat fish.

I think it is childish and ridiculous that vegetarians get so offended and defensive when someone abstains from all meat except seafood. It is one of the reasons I was thinking of eating meet again, simply because not only do people not like vegetarians these days, but vegetarians are stuck up school children with a superiority complex. You can't be in the vegetarian club unless you are a propper vegetarian, I wonder if that is the was vegans speak about vegetarians. I mean, I did a search for a description of the word piscatarian and came up with a fine example of the snobbishness and pomposity of vegetarians these days, if people press the matter I will say "It is true that I am not a vegetarian, but a piscatarian" and they will then ask me what that means, which is fine, but if I'm in a restaurant, it is easier for me to ask for the vegetarian option than anything else, and its easier to tell people I'm vegetarian, at least they have a rough idea what that means.

Anyway, if it wasn't for the moral high ground of most vegetarians I probably wouldn't have even considered going back to meat, but I tried it. I had a cheeeburger the other day, thats right, I had some meat! and I felt like shit afterwords. No, there was nothing wrong with the meal, it was nice, but I couldn't help but think about what was in it. To be honest, I felt worse eating that than I did when I first stopped eating meat. I think four years without meat has taken its toll on me, I can't even think about eating it now. Maybe it would be the same way if I decided not to eat fish, because truth be told I do feel bad about eating it, but with the speed in which it cooks, it is very very convenient for me to eat fish. That in itself doesn't sound like a good enough reason, even to me, but I've been struggling lately with my meals and I will at least need time to come up with an alternative to fish finger butties and prawn mayo/tuna mayo sandwiches.

Anyway anyway anyway, lesson learned, I'm sticking with a meat free lifestyle, and might even push for a fish free one soon (read: likely not going to happen, up yours veggies!)

Review: Saturday Night Peter - memoirs by Peter Kay

The next review another comedian, my my I am beginning to see a pattern here!

Peter Kay, for those who do not know, is a stand-up comedian turn author and comedy writer/actor. His popularity was peaked on the release of his first DVD of the sell-out mini-tour, filmed at Blackpool Tower Circus. Since his initial rise to fame he went on to do another staggering sell-out tour titled the 'Mum wants a bungalow' tour, which was filmed at the Bolton Albert Hall and received massive publicity though an amazing show, each night receiving a standing ovation.

One this that I find so appealing about Peter Kay is that he is northern, further still he is from Bolton, just three stops from Wigan on the train. His material is very familiar to me while at the same time being fantastic observational comedy. Not only this but he is safe, you can watch Peter Kay in stand-up with the whole family and have a wonderful time, which only adds to his versatility in my opinion. I was in hysterics watching his recent faux-reality TV show 'Peter Kay's Britain's Got the Pop Factor... and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice' were he plays a lovable character of Geraldine McQueen.

Now onto the book, which is his second book interestingly enough, his first (the Sound of Laughter) being an autobiography about his life before he entered the world of stand-up comedy and this one being his memoirs reflecting his life as a stand-up comedian. There are very few low points in the book that I noticed, it seems from reading that his life after winning what is now called the City Life Comedian of the Year award.He tells us of the gigs he did before and after having a car which again was affected by winning an award at the Edinburgh festival which paid for the car. It was particularly inspiring to me as he even progressed into comedy after leaving the same course or study that I am now on at Salford Uni, but reading the book gives you a feeling of atmosphere: it literally speaks of a time in itself. Those old enough to be mature in the ninties as Peter was could probably attest to that atmosphere, I can guarantee that the world which developed and supported Kay will have changed rapidly as the role of the comedian has been somewhat glamorised over the years.

Peter goes on to tell of his ups and downs with life as a professional stand-up (having done little open spots before winning the City Life award, he was lucky to almost fall straight into paid work as a stand-up) touring the clubs as was done at the time (and to my knowledge still is.) Progressing to such things as warming up for Parkinson and then onto corporate gigs which are good money, better than that of the clubs (and a concious decision to leave 'clubland' behind, giving preference to the higher paid corporate gigs.)

It does seem like a rollercoaster, very few times in the book does he mention times or perticular anxiety over his career which leads me to believe he is either extremely lucky, or lieing. But I like the book, it seems like how perfect it could be if all the pieces fell into place at the right time. It is a story with a happy ending, with very few emotional twists and turns, and almost constantly on the up and up. Perhaps I am jealous, or maybe too cynical in the idea that the course of true comedy never can run smooth, as we are led to believe if Peter is telling the truth, I really do hope it is, and that the british public can be so embracing to genuine talent. I would recommend this book to any fans of Peter Kay (which is the reason I read it) and especially for anyone who needs an example of how life can go from strength to strength, and sometimes dreams can have a fairy tail ending.

I'm such a tease!

Coming soon...

The dilemma

Thinking on, I suppose it did seem a little too good to be true to expect everything will fix itself when I go to university, but I am approaching a crossroads, and its one of those big decisions that I have been confronted with before.

Alright, lets put it to the panel. You have done a year on an Access to Higher Education diploma in psychology, the year was very hard for financial and social reasons, but in looking back, it was challenging and you made some life long friends. During your time on access you realised where your bliss was, and while psychology was engaging and academic (which at that point you had gotten quite into,) you couldn't imagine a life with psychology defining your work and your person. So you decided to take a chance there and then on your bliss, and were successfully accepted onto a HND (Higher National Diploma) in Media and Performance at the University of Salford. This works out well for you, as the course is only two years, and therefore considered pre-degree level, meaning that you can move onto a degree level course in Performing Arts or any of those subjects at the second year, and leave university with two qualifications.

However, shortly into your study you find out that you are only supported at university financially for four years of study, which means that while your original plan to study for four years in performance and walk from uni with two qualifications in the subject, you would not be able to finish your HND in Media and Performance, then go on to do a Psychology degree. Knowing that the world of performance does not rely on qualifications, but skill and charisma, you thought that it would be safer to get one HE (Higher Education) qualification in Media and Performance, then get a Psychology degree which is more likely to get you a higher waged full-time job (If you've been able to follow me by now you need a fucking medal.)

Now onto the dilemma: After this year is through, you have three years left of funded study, this means that you stand at the crossroads and have no choice but to chose one or the other. You either go for safety, which involved abandoning the HND in Media Performance (with the education you have gained in the first year,) and start your Psychology degree. Or you carry on, complete your HND, start your degree from the second year and carry that on, leaving university with a degree and HND in performance subjects.

On one hand, I see the validity in having regular full time work, and I should mention my ultimate goal is to make it as a stand-up comedian. Most people would say that this is a stupid goal, that only very few comedians in this country can rely soully on stand-p as their income, but obviously I would be subsidising whatever I couldn't make from stand-up with another job (either in performance or not.) The difference is that second job! There are plenty of examples where professional stand-up comedians have made a decent living and even made it big, while working on something totally unrelated to performance and with no performance qualifications (take Jo Brand for example, the subject of a recent review.) What I'm getting at is, I could do comedy just by hitting up the circuit in Manchester (which is fantastic) and develop my act there while getting the experience I need, the qualification I get from university is more designed to give me an edge in the world of full time work to subsidise my living while I work on my comedy, if I took the degree in Performing Arts I would realistically be at a disadvantage work-wise than I would if I was to use a Psychology degree to get work on the public sector (schools, NHS, the council etc.) At the same time, I do not want to be trapped in a job which inhibits my performance in stand-up. I am more likely to hit a road block in stand-up if my work hours are fixed and not convenient for travel at night, to evening gigs. That isn't to say that this wouldn't happen if I took wor in theatre or other Performance subjects... see, I don't know what I'm talking about now, AAGH! This is doing my friggin' nut in!

Sorry, I went a bit too northern there. The more I think about the decision I need to make, the more frustrated I become. I have until the end of the year to make a decision, and either way, I do not consider this year or any of my time spent at university to be a waste, because I have made wonderful friends, and had wonderful experiences, and I'm only a few months into the course! Please, I need people to respond to this and give me their thoughts, even if its totally unrelated, I just need to know what you think (normally I wouldn't, I mean its nice to hear from you, but I'm not the sort who counts how many hits I've had and lives for positive feedback, this blog is just a thinking pot for me, and a good way to update my friends on what I think.)

If nothing else then answer me this: Given this situation, what would you do?

Review: Look Back In Hunger - autobiography by Jo Brand

Let me just start by saying I am not a critic, well I suppose in one way I am, in that I am offering an opinion of something I have experienced. But in that sense anyone who ever offers an opinion is a critic (barring the ones who are offering an opinion on something they haven't experienced at all, they are just idiots.)

Let me start by saying I have not seen much of Jo Brand in her stand-up, and therefore can base my opinion of her only on what I have seen on QI, bits and bobs of television, and of course her wonder work for comic relief (I have a high opinion of any of the stars who appear on comic relief, and hope some day I might get the chance to be a part of it.)

If you have ignored that video and carried on reading because you've 'seen it before', stop and watch the damn video, I'll wait for you...

Isn't that fab? anyway anyway anyway, having not experienced much of Jo Brand in stand-up which is what she is most well known for, I had the above and her appearances on QI to go by when reading her book. I hate to sound offensive to people of Jo Brands age but I love to hear stories from 'older people', by that I mean, people who were mature or reaching maturity (and I use the term loosely) in the sixties and seventies, so it was a wonderful read for me to see just how a typical or not so typical person lived before my time. Jo starts the book by telling us of her childhood, uninterrupted despite being moved from place to place. Her childhood sounds almost like a fantasy straight from 'Goodnight Mr Tom' about urban south londoners stealing themselves to the countryside and the ups and downs it can have an the familial relationships. She describes a somewhat typical childhood, leading to a typical adolescence until she moved to a grammar school out of town, where she decided to rebel against her parents' decision to move her from one school to another, which sounds pretty reasonable for a teenage girl to do when you think about it. She goes on to describe a number of incidences since she left home following an argument with her parents which somehow lead to her entering university onto a course of study which would ultimately lead her to a position as a psychiatric nurse. This interested me, as I am both in university, and have studies psychology at university level.

Her charming description of what would be considered ordinary to most people are actually a rather sweet read as she builds to the finale of her entering the world of stand-up comedy, it really does highlight the idea that a comedian (or comedienne in this case) can come from just about anywhere. A theme of the book does seem to be feminism, which is also a theme of most of her material, which is another reminder of the time she grew up in and reached maturity. Throughout the book Jo mentions several incidents were she was both affected and disaffected by men, and it was of a time during the seventies and eighties were women were just about reaching equality in the social world, while still being some time off in the world of work.

Today, the world of comedy, stand-up in particular, is still a male dominated world, which is a such a shame because it makes things more intimidating for a lot of talented female artists who might otherwise be discouraged. Having said that, it is no walk in the park no matter what the gender, Jo really brings it home how difficult it can be starting on the road of the stand-up, right when the scene was developing a market for the alternative.

For anyone interested in the subjects mentioned, I would recommend this book (which I am sure will soon hit paper-back, and therefore be cheaper) Fantastic non-fiction about a much loved personality and articulated author.

Beyond the Front Line, performance week two and epilogue

I am condensing the evaluation of week two and the epilogue because essentially they are the same thing.

In terms of performance, this week was somewhat of a let down compared to last week, hitting a low point on wednesday when a large amount of the students in the performance did not attend. This was unfortunate in two major ways, one is that obviously we lacked the amount of people needed to achieve the effect we have been achieving in terms of how the audience react to us, which changed the general atmosphere of the piece. The second let down was that logistics dictated some people had to move around, between green company and blue company we gained roughly three or four extra people. These people obviously did not known the choreography that blue company had been using to wow the crowd, neither did we have time to drill everyone in what they had to do, simply because when on the roof it is rather important that we are not seen. In the end, the maneuvers were scrapped and we simply improved some 'lookout' positions mixed with a generally watchful stance.

We haven't finnished yet though, I am writing this now on the Thursday before the Friday which will be Alpha groups final performance evening, I am expecting tomorrows performances to be a fantastic farewell to the show for me, I will feel a sense of accomplishment having stuck it out this long where others have simply drifted from the norm.

The course of the show has inspired me, but I only see this now in the final week. After attending the workshops with the creative director of Slung Low, I am truly surprised at how much has gone into this show, this is why I was so crestfallen to hear the numbers are dipping. I appreciate art, and although there is a small amount of percieved toffery in the idea of 'theatre as art' I do genuinely thing that BtFL is such a creative, innovative contemporary piece of site-specific theatre that it is a shame that more people have not taken the oppertunity to be a part of it. I also feel that after this show, I will be studying thatre mainly in small studios and perhaps slightly larger indoor theatres at Uni which simply will not compare to the project about to come to a close at the Lowry. I guess I'm trying to say that, it will be hard to top BtFL this year, and certainly difficult to top through the course of my studies here at university. From rehearsal to performance and everything inbetween I have learned the most important thing for a project like this to work is motivation, entheusiasm and focus.

Yes I got tired, and yes there were moment when I thought of switching off and being in the performance instead of a part of it, I am so glad I did not give in to those urges. The Slung Low team have been working at this none stop for the past few weeks, not to mention all the planning beforehand, and now I hear they are going from this production streight into another one, which inspires me. How on earth can I complain that my legs are hurting when these guys have put their waking lives on hold to get this thing done?

So yes, in closing; entheusiasm, focus, motivation and perhaps a touch of insanity. Lesson learned!

Beyond the Front Line, reviews

I've gathered a few reviews for those who are interested in seeing what the buzz is about this production I've been blabbering on about, its not all good mind but I think generally it speaks an atmosphere of promise and potential. Lets start from the top

The Guardian writes: "Slung Low shows how regional theatre can stay fresh" This review speaks quite highly of the piece (which I am all for, then again I don't know many people who don't like having smoke blown up their arse... just as I'd typed that I realised what I'd said.) My particular highlight of the article is:

"This is precisely the sort of big thinking that will keep regional theatres fresh, and ought to make a lot of those in London chasing an increasingly oversubscribed pot start thinking seriously about trying to make work outside the capital."

- Andrew Haydon, 2009†

Yes, I totally agree! One of the most captivating aspects of this show is that it is out of regular theatre and that involvement with the outside environment is what adds a huge amount of realism to the project. In Beyond the Front Line, the line between reality and story, audience and cast, stage and... not stage are blurred just enough for the audience (actually I don't like the term audience for this piece, I'm going to use the term 'participants') to trust in the performers, which is exactly what they would do if that situation was really going on!

Next, the Telegraph writes: "Beyond The Front Line lacks sufficient theatrical fire power" This one ends on a rather unflattering note, which I am not too pleased about (who saw that coming?) The review begins with a description of the show and admits it is a worthy subject to honour, and describes the first half of the show (while complaining about having to be outside in the cold weather,) and then...

"...it’s downhill all the way. There’s some complicated, rather pointless palaver in another tent, during which the audience is required to shift empty hospital beds this way and that to the sound of a newly composed requiem. And then it’s on into an opened-up lorry to write a postcard of support to one of ‘our boys’, a process that crosses the line into the realm of sentimental manipulation. One hour in, and it’s over. Promising, yes, but woefully incomplete - and that’s not good enough, really, for Britain’s finest"

- Dominic Cavendish, 2009

Now, I'm not saying that this guy needs to grow a pair of testes before moaning that the piece he has gone to see isn't finished, lacks meaning or that is ends with a "shivery conclusion outdoors" (news flash, its Salford Quays in the fall.) All I'm saying is if he wanted to see a show where the message is handed to him on a silver platter, nice and warm and snug inside of a theatre, with lots of bright lights and moving pictures to keep his attention, White Christmas starts in November (Check it out, I just reviewed someones review, its breaking all the rules!)

Finally, The Public Reviews said: "This promenade production truly breaks away from the restraints of conventional theatre and offers a multi sensory performance of epic proportions" Ending on a happy note, here is another review that actually gets what the production is about. The author is fair in their comments and their criticism, with high praise for Slung Low and the potential they show in this production, and being critical about the second half of the show:

"The final scene is particularly muddled and as we are ushered into an impressive infirmary tent, we are greeted by a rather long and pointless dance of hospital beds. Despite some beautiful live music and singing by Rosalind Hind, this ethereal sequence lacks any real content and certainly doesn’t give answers to what we have experienced so far."

- Clare Howdon, 2009†

I suppose that is fair, I mean really while the outside of the hospital tent is all us soldiers get to see, we did get a chance to take part in an early concept of the bed ballet, I thought it was very effective, but then again we did have a coreographer telling us exactly what to do, I imagine the function might be a little more ambiguous if everything is done by nothing but gesture.

If you would like to find more reviews of the show, you can just do what I did and google it, and if you come across this blog in the process, I wouldn't bother reading it, because I wrote it! (get it?.. nevermind.)

† Cavendish, D (Friday 9 October 2009) 'Beyond The Front Line at the Lowry Centre, Salford, review' (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/theatre-reviews/6283384/Beyond-The-Front-Line-at-the-Lowry-Centre-Salford-review.html)
† Haydon, A (Friday 9 October 2009) 'Slung Low shows how regional theatre can stay fresh' (http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/theatreblog/2009/oct/09/slung-low-beyond-the-frontline)
† Howden, C (Saturday 10 October, 2009) 'Beyond the Front Line - Lowry Theatre, Salford' (http://thepublicreviews.blogspot.com/2009/10/beyond-front-line-lowry-theatre-salford.html)

Beyond the Front Line, performance week one.

Ok guys, I've saved the performances deliberately for one big post because as is usually the case with theatre (barring stand-up) most shows are the same, but boy do I have a lot to tell about this week!

Lets start with Monday, the first performance of BtFL. I am going to say flat out, the first of the three shows of the evening; Blue Company was not very organised considering we only have about ten minutes exposure to the audience. This woke us up so to speak, we thought "oh right, well, this is damaging what we have worked for, so lets try a new angle." Its hard to organise a group of people who have essentially been thrown into a production together, particularly considering you have the 'thespian types' such as the bossy boots, the stubborn mules, the jokers, the coasters and the person who sits in the corner screaming "Its all gone horribly wrong!" which to be fair is usually the director. So we waited for the next chance to get it right, but when it was time to get up and do our bit, an atmosphere of total control came over the group, the idea that 'yeah actually, this is going to look good because we will make it look good.'

I have said this before but I am at this point going to reiterate it simply because it has grown truer over the course of the week: the biggest challenge of this production is keeping focus and maintaining enthusiasm. I consider myself as quite a sentimental person, I think you have to have some ounce of sentiment to you to be able to create, whether that be through theatre (which I like,) writing (which I love,) art (which I live for) or performance (which I'd die for!) So this project has really struck a chord for me, the fact that the motive behind this piece of amazing theatre is that of compassion and not greed. It is a chance to reach an audience of everyday (sentimental?) people with a morally provocative message that is not politically or economically driven, but simply discusses the concern of human life and simply pays mention to the sort of thing we prefer to push to the back of our minds...

Anyway anyway anyway, I'm rambling which is not good, now where was I...

Ah yes! so that was the Monday (oh god we have three more days to go through.) The Wednesday was more of the same really, except I was able to re-read and therefore properly reference a blog posted by the shows director Alan Lane on the subject of the thoughts behind BtFL:

If I am honest it is simply that this show was thought of in a different reality than we now exist. A reality where neo-nazis didn’t use the cover of troop support to start riots. Where the loss of our Army’s young soldiers was still infrequent enough to be arresting rather than the regular, too frequent sickening beat of grief.

And for the first time we find ourselves sitting in meetings demanding not just a specifity of action but a pin point accuracy to meaning. My enemy’s enemy is not my friend and I will not, no matter how accidentally stand next to the EDL and their petty little shams. And to wander, however well meaning, into the real life grief of parents coping with the very worst of events is not a line I want the show to cross.

- Alan Lane 2009†

I know I quoted a lot there but I really do not want to take any of what Alan has said out of context, it really get the messege across of what I was trying to say earlier (and if you are unfamiliar with the EDL or 'English Defense League', they are rather not nice people, and thats putting it in the mildest british witticism I could think of.) He is talking about some of the strange idea's people get in their head when they see something like this, it provokes certain thoughts in these people and they use it as propaganda for their cause "We wouldn't need to send out boys out there if the world was more like us" sort of thing, if you get the picture. What you can draw from the directors post on the subject is that this show is stepping so far away from being fuel for a political flame and saying "No, this is why we are here, and this is the only reason we are here!"

Sorry I just realised I started doing it again, I'll stop now and concentrate on my reflection of the past week. The only problem is that all I can say for the week is; the closer I got to the last show on Friday, the more my enthusiasm waned, and as a result, my focus started to slip... until something totally unexpected happened...

Out of the blue (and in hindsight I suppose it is actually quite a likely thing if you were looking for things relating to BtFL) I imagine when the people of Slung Low were looking into reviews (I'll write a new post soon on the reviews of the show) that BtFL has been getting, they found my blog. I have been totally honest in writing my blogs on the subject of BtFL (mostly due to the idea that nobody reads it, so I have no reason to be dishonest,) and so I was a little bit shocked that Alan even knew my name let alone mentioned that others from the company besides himself have read it, and I have to say I am very flattered. I don't know if any of the other cast has blogged on the subject besides what is already on Slung Low's website but I'd certainly be interested in what the other soldiers and nurses are taking from the experience. I will continue to blog, and continue to be honest as is a sentimental soldiers nature (har har) but I was so completely blindsided by the thought that more than two/four people read this thing, so thank you to Slung Low for showing an interest in what even I dubbed "Just an extra", I can safely say that my focus and enthusiasm has only been this peaked when I first heard the words "You will be performing at the Lowry".

† Lane, A (2009) - "Specific Meaning" http://web.me.com/slung.low/Slung_Low/newthoughts/Entries/2009/9/14_Specific_Meaning.html

Quick question...

Does anyone remember Flat Eric? He was cool...

Ok, back to what you were doing.

Beyond the Front Line, performance prologue

In just fifteen minutes I am to set off for the Lowry for the one o'clock rehearsal (yes, it takes me an hour to walk there. At this point I must have a arse like granite.) We get one rehearsal, then its time to start the shows.

Since last Monday we have worked almost none stop to get this right, to bring it all together with every person fully committed to their piece of performance, and I am not nervous at all. Normally before a show I get 'the buzz', that feeling of adrenaline pumping not through fear or anger but through something completely expected and anticipated, it is a hard feeling to describe, but luckily it is better just to feel it than to describe it. Blue company is so distanced from the audience that I don't know if I will get to feel the buzz that I look forward to feeling, this concerns me because quite often its that feeling which drives me forward to do my utmost particularly when the odds are against me, if I'm not getting the feeling of giddy anxiousness then I don't really feel part of the performance, I really am just an extra.

No matter, I am sure we are prepared enough and the shows will go well.

And now, some funny videos...

Ok so I have been hammering BtFL recently just because thats simply all Ive been able to think about for the past week, but I think its only fair I prove I still have a sense of humour.

These videos are fantastic, you can take a look at my three favourites here but I suggest you go to youtube and look at some of the others that people have made. The concept is basically to describe the film in five seconds, they soemtimes take more but its the joke you want, Just take a look and I promise you'll laugh.