I just realised that I don't think at any point over the past few years of this blog existing have I mentioned how I feel about animal rights. Of course epople who know me personally will know that I feel strongly about animal rights but I'm not being clear to the random Joe on the internet (I know there probably aren't any, but a guy can dream right?)
First off, I have mentioned that I am a "vegetarian" so it is probably already clear that I am a supporter of Animal Rights. I am also a supporter of PeTA despite the bad press they get, they are essentially fighting for a cause I believe in while I am busy focussing on other causes I believe in (for example, gay rights.)
Most of the controversy surrounding PeTA is that they use shock tactics to grab peoples attention. I do not advocate this, but at the same time it was what brought me into the fold so to speak, I am glad of what some consider 'harsh' techniques as I would otherwise still be eating meat. In western society we do not like to think about what happens to out food before it reaches our mouths, so people are naturally defensive, uncomfortable and often offended when PeTA release videos expressing the horrors of battery farmed chickens and dog fighting (please watch those videos, they are made for this reason) because it forces them to admit that what they are eating, what is so delicious that they couldn't possibly live a life without eating might have lived such a horrific and torturous life. People think that PeTA exists to convert the whole planet to vegans, but this isn't the case, they do a lot of work with aforementioned anti-dog fighting campaigns and ad's encouraging people to spay and neuter their pets, as well as the adverts discouraging the use of real Fur in the fashion industry which you might have seen around town. Animal rights activists have been demonised in popular culture as people who waste their atention on animals when children are being abused, and women, and the elderly. People assume that because a human rights cause is considered more worthy of their time, they are somehow wrong for focusing on animals. Just typing that statement makes me think of how stupid it is, societies exist for these kinds of activism because it is where the individuals passions lies. Obviously the rights of animals is going to be considered less important than the rights of people, but you can't force someone to feel passionately about something, they are going to fight for what they believe in and thats that, you might as well fight for a worthwhile cause in any case (rather than fighting for 'white power' or a 'supreme god', right?)
To be honest, I suppose I am talking to the wrong crowd, if you are reading this then chances are you have been following the blog and know that my hearts going to be in the right place, so there is little chance of you disagreeing that animals need to be given the same right to life as we have. I believe that as a 'higher species' it is out duty to follow our conscience, to understand that our guilt is what makes us human, and gives us the right to use the term 'dominant species of earth'. While it may be our 'natural animal instinct' to eat meat, and even animals eat other animals, and we have been doing since the year dot and other such arguments; it is an exercise of our humanity to abstain. If you argue that even animals eat other animals and it is therefore ok for us to do so, and you also agree that animals don't have the same rights as humans, are those terms not in direct contradiction? we are allowed to be animalistic, but animals cannot be humanistic?..
Ok this has degenerated very quickly into a rant, so I am going to love you and leave you, have fun everyone! (and try to eat less meat)
Ok, I'm feeling like crap, so here's a general update...
I feel like crap
As the title mentions, I'm a bit poorly at the moment. Yesterday I would have gone for throat/ear infection, but today it just feels like a cold (any bets on tomorrow? I'm going for irritable bowel syndrome but the polls are still open.) I'm also bored as hell which means I've spent most of my day off not being productive (besides this mornings swim) sitting on the computer flitting between web surfing, warcraft and... well, blogging.
Unwell but Healthy?
Other than this little cold I have ("little") I would say I am doing rather well on the whole healthy lifestyle thing. I am still binging on weekends but I think that will slow down over the holiday period due to the fact that I will be surrounded by food regardless, and will therefore be less likely to order out. I've been swimming every morning still and my boobs are getting firmer, not to mention a bit more definition on my upper arms. Funnily enough, I think that my lower arms are looking better as well, they are going a bit Popeye-ish but not in an exceedingly bad way so Im happy thus far. My weight currently stands at 13.5 st, which is fine considering some of that is now turning into muscle. For those of you who might be concerned, I check my weight once a week to see how things are going, I am not obsessed with dieting or excessive exercise (far from it) but when I started uni I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, so I want to make sure my weight loss slows down to something I can manage without being too concerned.
Hows the laughs going...
Very well, I'm looking in to getting some gigs after the holidays are over, by then I will have solidified at least 10 mins worth of stand up. Not to mention I've signed myself on for an improv course with the comedy store which should be a good laugh. The comedy circuit in Manchester is really fruitful and the people seem so friendly (even if the audiences can be arse holes.) Its nice to see that comedians and promoters actually look out for each other around here! Its a competitive business for sure, but it isn't aggravated competition.
Other than that, I can't think of anything else to tell you. I have a bit of uni work to do over the holidays but nothing too stressful, other that all that, an assessment scene on Friday and the impending 3 week workshop at the beginning of next year all is well on the Uni front. I think I'll go to bed now, get an early night to try and shift this sodding cold.
Ok so, who remembers back in august that I mentioned going down to london. Well, as mentioned in the linked post, I went there to begin training as a Stonewall youth volunteer. For anyone who doesn't know Stonewall is the largest LGB charity in the country, the other young people and myself on the residential were tasked with creating and carrying out campaigns in our local areas which tackle the issues surrounding homophobic bullying.
That was august, it is now the end of November and still the school I approached with my campaign has not got back to me. I am taking it that they never will, my email must have been lost in the sands of the internet which I am most displeased about but I am not dissuaded from doing my duty and seeing my campaign through. At this point I am on board with two options, the first is to deliver my theatre workshop (which is the basis of my campaign) to the local scouts. They are the targeted age range of young people for my workshop and I also know the scout leader, so it should be a good warm up for the second option, I am going to hound the school until I get confirmed or denied for my workshop. I will not let them brush me aside.
My chosen school is my old one, Hawkley Hall High School in Wigan. I was bullied persistently there whilst I was a pupil and for some time after, and I have heard the situation has gotten better since I left but naturally I want to see for myself. I can relate a little better to the students there and probably them to me if I play my cards right. I am so sure I can nail this, I know I can get the message across in a way which doesn't make me a wanker to them and I think I am just the right age for me to still be cool in their eyes, if not cooler (because of the hair, yeah that's right, I'm playing the hair card.)
Wish me luck gang, all this preparation was the easy part, the hard part is making someone listen!
Like many people, I watch How to Look Good Naked. I think it is a fantastic program existing for all the right reasons. At a glance most people would assume its just another gay fashion show focusing on women's bodies and whats 'hot or not' in the world clothing trends, but this couldn't be further from the truth.
I would urge as many people as possible to watch Naked, it delivers a message to all genders and sexualities about body confidence and how quite often we can be objective and prejudice, and self deprecating for no real reason. The shows host and creator Gok Wan uses his quirky sense of humour and familiarity with both women and style to create a persona that couldn't be warmer, I'm usually not a fan of the camp, sassy over the top gay man but Gok adds such an air of sophistication by simply knowing his work and being able to convey the message of body confidence in a way that is universally relatable. In the current series in particular, Gok is throwing in little tips for men to keep on top of their game, generally helpful advice from someone in the industry and well worth the watch!
Another good thing about this current series, the winner of 'Miss Naked 2008' Shona Collins has teamed up with Gok to try and get body confidence taught on the curriculum with PSHE (Physical, Social and Health Education) class in schools. Having studied the psychology behind the mental health conditions which stem from low body confidence (such as Bulimia Nervosa and Agoraphobia) I believe this is a vitally important and severely over looked field of education. Never would you believe that in school someone would take the time out to reassure people than actually, having a natural body and being confident in their own skin is more important than constantly attaining to that ideal body they see in the media. The fight continues to get body confidence on the curriculum with a petition over at number10.gov.uk, click that link and sign the petition for the idea of a more confident generation of teens to become a reality.
This topic ties into My Declaration of a healthier lifestyle, which doesn't just include regular excercise, but the psychological side of simply loving your body and the things that make you unique. There are a few people close to me, male and female, who are constantly getting down on their looks (in fact, of the people around me I think it is more common in men than women) and I honestly believe watching such things as Naked, which recently featured a second look at a lady who had a mastectomy during her battle with breast cancer. After appearing on the show with Gok, Kelly is now an inspiration to other women in the same boat, learning how to love their bodies and carry on being brave, confident and good looking women.
I am going to continue watching the shows on 4oD (a service I have recommended in the past) and keep suggesting that everyone indulges in a little feel good TV every now and then. I'm normally not a fan of reality TV (which from all accounts in on the way out within the next few years) but Gok's show (and lets not forget Too Fat Too Young, the first thing I saw Gok feature which is also a very hard hitting look at the way our culture percieves the overweight and obese individual.) I never really sit down to watch TV these days, most of the time if I am watching something made for TV I do it using onDemand internet television such as 4oD, but I usually set an evening aside for catching up on Naked while sipping a nice hot coffee and filing my nails... ok, I think I've said too much!
Since the age of around 16, just after starting college I would say, puberty played a very mean trick on me by broadening my shoulders. Most slimmer framed men would envy having broad shoulders and the man I would go for is in my mind one with a broader frame (with big arms, but I digress... man I love digressing!) but my frame was the catalyst of a massive weight gain in a very short amount of time. Within a year I had gained almost four stone, taking me to the latter end of 18 stone and giving my arms, thighs, tummy and even knees some of the most horribly disfiguring stretch marks you are ever likely to see on someone my age.
I really like looking back on these pictures dispite my size.
I am now age twenty two, and at the age of around nineteen I started making small changes to my diet, this came about due to my entry to full time work (as short lived as it was.) I continued to lose weight gradually over the following years as I went from one venture to the other, art school, back on benefits, psychology at Bolton uni, a summer on benefits again. Finally came the time for me to move into halls here at the University of Salford which is really what I have been working towards all this time, but being here at uni has made me even more body concious as I am now surrounded by attractive people my age. At the point of moving into Halls my weight had dropped to 14.6 stone, I considered that to be an amazing achievement and was proud of the way I looked, I quickly discovered that I wasn't finished shrinking.
Since the middle of September, to the date of posting this blog I have continued to lose weight and am now 13.5 stone, I have lost over a stone in the space of two months. I attribute this amazing turn of events to three simple facts:
1: It is easier and cheaper to snack on fruit, and drink water of course.
2: Walking everywhere is amazing exercise.
3: I hate being in the kitchen of my house, it is always filled with dirty pots.
Add all of these up and you get the perfect concoction for a thinner Sye, I am still uncertain whether I like this new body of mine but it certainly is easier on the eyes. I feel slightly more confident... who am I kidding, I have even started wearing white shirts now (see pictures below) and it is generally easier to move around. I have decided that I am going to ride this bout of body positive and see where it will take me, I will achieve this by sticking to a few light lifestyle changes.
Ok ok, I'll admit it. I look quite good now!
Food
First of all, lets see what I had a lot of before: Take out, sweets and chocolate, fizzy drinks, fast food... not at all a good healthy diet. Of course, I haven't stopped eating those things, and the desire to eat them is still there. However, here at Salford they are not as convenient, taking into consideration my position (there are a few take-out places nearby, but lets strike that for a moment) and my funds as a student, almost all of the foods mentioned above become impractical. Take-out becomes none existent, sweets and chocolate become a few almond flapjacks a week, fizzy drinks have been removed from the picture (which is the strangest thing, considering those above all else I would have said I couldn't live without) and fast food... well actually I do still have a McDonald's once a week, and subway for lunch on Friday. The most important switch is water, I replace all of my out-and-about drinks with water and that is a rather big chunk of my GDA. That and swapping unhealthy snacks like sweets and crisps, for healthier snacks like apples and flapjacks (shut up, I like flapjacks!)
Exercise
As I mentioned above, I walk everywhere! I recently treated myself to a 'sensible coat' as a friend of my put it, it is essentially a padded waterproof with a good strong hood and plenty of pockets, this is all well and good but I still need a pair of decant walking boots to make sure my feet are taken care of. I have discovered the joy of daily exercise, not in the gym or any of that nonsense, but in the uni swimming pool! I love swimming, it is the kind of exercise that I don't actually consider exercise because I'm having a lot of fun doing it. Everyday my morning routine is: get up at 9am, breakfast and coffee then set off for the pool at 9:30, arrive around 9:50, changed and in the swimming pool for 10am, make myself tired in the arms, legs, abs and boobs then head for the jacuzzi hot bath at 10:20, finish winding down, have a nice hot shower and be changed and ready to move by 11. Mondays and Fridays lessons start at 12, Tuesdays at 11:30 and Thursdays at 3:30 so I can actually fit swimming in everyday, which I usually do. I also do cheer leading with the girls on Tuesdays and Thursdays which is not only a good workout for my muscles (particularly the upper body muscles) but also helps with my...
Flexibility
... that's right! When I was younger I was quite flexible, this came in handy in lots of different ways, it helped me learn how to swim, allowed me to fit into small and unusual spaces, made me the fastest tree climber in Wigan, gave me something interesting to do at parties and helped me freak out my class mates at school.The fatter I got the less flexible I was for obvious reasons but now, as I get thinner, all this flexibility is returning to me but I need to keep at it. In Movement class and also in cheer leading we do some intense stretches which will help me get back some of that natural flexibility that I once had, which will not only help me do the things I used to do but also help me with such things as dancing.
Upkeep and Training
I do want to be a performer, and one thing which is vital for performance on the stage or infront of a camera is making sure that I am as diverse as I possibly could be. In movement I have been learning a number of warm-ups and stretches to keep me flexible and increase my body and spacial awareness. In voice class I have been learning how to open up the rebervating cavities of my diaphram, and learning how sound is created in different parts of the body. Part of my daily routine now is stretching, spinal workouts and voice exercises which are designed not only to keep these aspects of me subtle and active, but also stretch me to my limits and beyond. The more I practice, the greater vocal range, stronger more toned muscles, subtle limber body and spacial awareness I will have.
The Little Things
As men, and anything else masculine, we are controlled from an early age into thinking that certain activities are restricted to certain genders. I am beginning to experiment with some of the taboo's that males have about such things as manicures and pedicures, proper therapeutic shaving (which Antony has touched on before), waxing, plucking, scrubbing and ex foliating and the like which most masculine manly men either avoid, or deny themselves. It is assumed by most men that all of these things are done simply for the purpose of making a woman look good, but in most cases this isn't so. For example, shaving is an obvious choice because the more time and effort you put before, during and after the shave the less irritation and closer shave you will get. Manicures are fantastic as stopping sores developing on the tips of fingers and the skin at the side of finger nails (which I get constantly through biting my nails) and to help those who have rough skin get more moisture into their hands and have a nice soft touch. All of these things not only have a practical sense but also go towards making you feel better in some way, both physically and psychologically (in most cases) and there's nothing like a good soak of the old feet!
Over the next few months to christmas I will try and keep you updated on how I am doing with my new routine. If I find it too hard, stressful or if it becomes something that I really don't enjoy then I will simply stop. Like I said at the beginning of the article, I am still uncertain whether I like this new more streamlined body. I can feel the bones in my arse now, and I have not noticed a change in how how I always feel hot (which I chalked down to the extra layer of flab I used to carry over my muscles.) Also remember that based on my height, I am still half a stone into the 'overweight' category, the very middle of the ideal wieght for my size (according to the chart at www.slimmingworld.com) is roughly in between 11.5 and 12 stone which is still over a stone and a half away. What I may do is continue on my path of a healthy lifestyle until I near that range, which at the rate I am going at should be just after Christmas or at the end of January. Anyway, this blog has gone on long enough I think, I shall post on my progress in a week or so.
I didn't know this, I must have been kept under a rug or something for the last few years. Apparently Dawn French did a small documentary series were she interviewed famous comedians, comediennes and comedy actors.
Anyway, I found em! They are splattered a bit on youtube but its easy to find them, and they are simply fantastic to watch! especially if, like me, you are interested in the world of the stand-up and comedy actor, some of the process they go through and how closely you can relate to them and their lives. It really inspires me to know that people who have gone on to have this wonderful job making other people laugh have had grass roots like mine, and also had to work for everything they have. I won't keep you waiting, here is the first episode...
Thats it, the other two episodes are linked in the related videos, and you can also get the full 20 minute interviews on there as well. One such interview which drew me in was two of my inspirations is Dawn French interviewing Victoria Wood, parts 1, 2 and 3. Flick through and watch them, interesting and rather funny
Lets have an update. My life is now split in two between where I live during the week (Salford) and my home in Wigan. It is hard to split from one or the other now, although I will say I do like having the best of both worlds, it is difficult to leave some of the things I am used to behind, for example:
Byou
I do miss seeing all of the friends I have at Byou, although from what I hear the groups numbers have dipped slightly thanks to a cut in the transport budget. I plan on visiting Byou tomorrow to see how everyones getting on and what the group is up to.
Convenience
I miss my friends here (I type this from home) but I do still see them every week, I suppose what I really miss is having my friends down the road or a bus ride away, rather than merely a disembodied text message or avatar online. There are people I see every week which continue to be the same, and there are others that I haven't seen since leaving for uni. I do not want it to seem that I am abandoning them, though at this point I'm too busy adjusting to life on my own to care what people think of me. Luckily with true friends, you don't have to!
Family
I know I know, its pretty much a common theme here that what I miss is the people in my life that are here at home in Wigan, but I'll remind you that family also involves my dogs.
My Dogs
...ok ok, only joking. I do miss my dogs, but what I miss more is taking care of them, Since my parents became foster carers for my nephew Jaden the dogs have been living in the kitchen and the back yard. with the weather how its been these past few weeks, the dogs have been couped up inside, I can't help but feel I could make their lives a little richer if Id stay here with them.
Everything in walking distance
The public transport system in Manchester is very cheap indeed, what would cost me £1.90 in Wigan costs me just £1 in Manchester and the buses are very reliable, however I still continue to walk most places, in Manchester particularly. This means that wherever I am going I get there soaking wet, although I have treated myself to a new waterproof coat this week, which was a bargain. Here at home, everything is in walking distance, town is half an hour away, all my friends and most of my family are 15 minutes away, its very good for my legs that I get all the exercise as I do in Manchester, but I am knackered at the end of the day!
I can't think of anything else at the moment, I'll take that as a good thing. I have actually been considering moving out of halls and coming home for the remainder of the year, it would be a cheaper option for me and dispel some of my woes but I can't help but feel like I am avoiding the inevitable. Don't think that I am not enjoying myself, because I am, and have made some awesome new friends in Salford who are as I mentioned; awesome. I suppose I'll have to have a party or something to see all my friends on one side and the other!
...My feety Pjamas! I know I know, your all totally jealous. Well if you want to pick up your own pair, head on over to Jumpin' Jammerz, and they will ship em over post haste (I'm going to order my second pair soon.)
As some of you might be aware (those who see me often and a few Internet psychics out there) I have recently been toying with the idea of going back to eating meat.
Originally the idea of going back to a regular diet was because 'I didn't feel so bad' about eating animals, whereas actually it was a case of how people saw me. Yes alright, I admit it, the decision was actually influenced by what other people thought and for that I am rather ashamed. I've always been able to keep a balance between what I do for myself and what I do for my image, which is what other people would see. Anyone who tells me that they do not care what other people think of them is a liar, the only time we as a culture do not concern ourselves with what other people think is in times of personal crisis. I started toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian when I was 16, but struggled to break the habit of meat. When you've eaten meat all your life, it really does become habit to eat it, its very easy to make a chicken sandwich using the cooked meat in the fridge, and very easy to accept a burger at a barbecue.
But of course, effecting change is never easy, and although I gave up on the idea of becoming a vegetarian when I was 16, I tried again at 18, and managed to slowly remove eating meat from my everyday habits. It was hard, in fact I only became a vegetarian when I was 19, because between august 2006 and February 2007 I was still eating meat here and there, like a quarter pounder at McDonald's and a turkey buttie here and there. In February, I was tired of the idea of being a 'part-time vegetarian' as my parents so lovingly called me (and rightly called me, I was a shit veggie) I divided its all or nothing, so I took the plunge.
A few months later I started to notice a slight weight loss, which was good because it was around that point where I was near the 16 stone mark and technically overweight, so seeing a decrease in my waistline was cool. I also started to eat fish at that point, I'd never really been a big fan of fish when meat was still on the menu but while I was avoiding red meats and bird meat, fish meat became more appealing. In this sense, I am still not strictly speaking a vegetarian, I am what people call a 'piscatarian' which is almost a derogatory term given by 'real vegetarians and vegans' to people who claim to be vegetarian but still eat fish.
I think it is childish and ridiculous that vegetarians get so offended and defensive when someone abstains from all meat except seafood. It is one of the reasons I was thinking of eating meet again, simply because not only do people not like vegetarians these days, but vegetarians are stuck up school children with a superiority complex. You can't be in the vegetarian club unless you are a propper vegetarian, I wonder if that is the was vegans speak about vegetarians. I mean, I did a search for a description of the word piscatarian and came up with a fine example of the snobbishness and pomposity of vegetarians these days, if people press the matter I will say "It is true that I am not a vegetarian, but a piscatarian" and they will then ask me what that means, which is fine, but if I'm in a restaurant, it is easier for me to ask for the vegetarian option than anything else, and its easier to tell people I'm vegetarian, at least they have a rough idea what that means.
Anyway, if it wasn't for the moral high ground of most vegetarians I probably wouldn't have even considered going back to meat, but I tried it. I had a cheeeburger the other day, thats right, I had some meat! and I felt like shit afterwords. No, there was nothing wrong with the meal, it was nice, but I couldn't help but think about what was in it. To be honest, I felt worse eating that than I did when I first stopped eating meat. I think four years without meat has taken its toll on me, I can't even think about eating it now. Maybe it would be the same way if I decided not to eat fish, because truth be told I do feel bad about eating it, but with the speed in which it cooks, it is very very convenient for me to eat fish. That in itself doesn't sound like a good enough reason, even to me, but I've been struggling lately with my meals and I will at least need time to come up with an alternative to fish finger butties and prawn mayo/tuna mayo sandwiches.
Anyway anyway anyway, lesson learned, I'm sticking with a meat free lifestyle, and might even push for a fish free one soon (read: likely not going to happen, up yours veggies!)
The next review another comedian, my my I am beginning to see a pattern here!
Peter Kay, for those who do not know, is a stand-up comedian turn author and comedy writer/actor. His popularity was peaked on the release of his first DVD of the sell-out mini-tour, filmed at Blackpool Tower Circus. Since his initial rise to fame he went on to do another staggering sell-out tour titled the 'Mum wants a bungalow' tour, which was filmed at the Bolton Albert Hall and received massive publicity though an amazing show, each night receiving a standing ovation.
One this that I find so appealing about Peter Kay is that he is northern, further still he is from Bolton, just three stops from Wigan on the train. His material is very familiar to me while at the same time being fantastic observational comedy. Not only this but he is safe, you can watch Peter Kay in stand-up with the whole family and have a wonderful time, which only adds to his versatility in my opinion. I was in hysterics watching his recent faux-reality TV show 'Peter Kay's Britain's Got the Pop Factor... and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice' were he plays a lovable character of Geraldine McQueen.
Now onto the book, which is his second book interestingly enough, his first (the Sound of Laughter) being an autobiography about his life before he entered the world of stand-up comedy and this one being his memoirs reflecting his life as a stand-up comedian. There are very few low points in the book that I noticed, it seems from reading that his life after winning what is now called the City Life Comedian of the Year award.He tells us of the gigs he did before and after having a car which again was affected by winning an award at the Edinburgh festival which paid for the car. It was particularly inspiring to me as he even progressed into comedy after leaving the same course or study that I am now on at Salford Uni, but reading the book gives you a feeling of atmosphere: it literally speaks of a time in itself. Those old enough to be mature in the ninties as Peter was could probably attest to that atmosphere, I can guarantee that the world which developed and supported Kay will have changed rapidly as the role of the comedian has been somewhat glamorised over the years.
Peter goes on to tell of his ups and downs with life as a professional stand-up (having done little open spots before winning the City Life award, he was lucky to almost fall straight into paid work as a stand-up) touring the clubs as was done at the time (and to my knowledge still is.) Progressing to such things as warming up for Parkinson and then onto corporate gigs which are good money, better than that of the clubs (and a concious decision to leave 'clubland' behind, giving preference to the higher paid corporate gigs.)
It does seem like a rollercoaster, very few times in the book does he mention times or perticular anxiety over his career which leads me to believe he is either extremely lucky, or lieing. But I like the book, it seems like how perfect it could be if all the pieces fell into place at the right time. It is a story with a happy ending, with very few emotional twists and turns, and almost constantly on the up and up. Perhaps I am jealous, or maybe too cynical in the idea that the course of true comedy never can run smooth, as we are led to believe if Peter is telling the truth, I really do hope it is, and that the british public can be so embracing to genuine talent. I would recommend this book to any fans of Peter Kay (which is the reason I read it) and especially for anyone who needs an example of how life can go from strength to strength, and sometimes dreams can have a fairy tail ending.
Thinking on, I suppose it did seem a little too good to be true to expect everything will fix itself when I go to university, but I am approaching a crossroads, and its one of those big decisions that I have been confronted with before.
Alright, lets put it to the panel. You have done a year on an Access to Higher Education diploma in psychology, the year was very hard for financial and social reasons, but in looking back, it was challenging and you made some life long friends. During your time on access you realised where your bliss was, and while psychology was engaging and academic (which at that point you had gotten quite into,) you couldn't imagine a life with psychology defining your work and your person. So you decided to take a chance there and then on your bliss, and were successfully accepted onto a HND (Higher National Diploma) in Media and Performance at the University of Salford. This works out well for you, as the course is only two years, and therefore considered pre-degree level, meaning that you can move onto a degree level course in Performing Arts or any of those subjects at the second year, and leave university with two qualifications.
However, shortly into your study you find out that you are only supported at university financially for four years of study, which means that while your original plan to study for four years in performance and walk from uni with two qualifications in the subject, you would not be able to finish your HND in Media and Performance, then go on to do a Psychology degree. Knowing that the world of performance does not rely on qualifications, but skill and charisma, you thought that it would be safer to get one HE (Higher Education) qualification in Media and Performance, then get a Psychology degree which is more likely to get you a higher waged full-time job (If you've been able to follow me by now you need a fucking medal.)
Now onto the dilemma: After this year is through, you have three years left of funded study, this means that you stand at the crossroads and have no choice but to chose one or the other. You either go for safety, which involved abandoning the HND in Media Performance (with the education you have gained in the first year,) and start your Psychology degree. Or you carry on, complete your HND, start your degree from the second year and carry that on, leaving university with a degree and HND in performance subjects.
On one hand, I see the validity in having regular full time work, and I should mention my ultimate goal is to make it as a stand-up comedian. Most people would say that this is a stupid goal, that only very few comedians in this country can rely soully on stand-p as their income, but obviously I would be subsidising whatever I couldn't make from stand-up with another job (either in performance or not.) The difference is that second job! There are plenty of examples where professional stand-up comedians have made a decent living and even made it big, while working on something totally unrelated to performance and with no performance qualifications (take Jo Brand for example, the subject of a recent review.) What I'm getting at is, I could do comedy just by hitting up the circuit in Manchester (which is fantastic) and develop my act there while getting the experience I need, the qualification I get from university is more designed to give me an edge in the world of full time work to subsidise my living while I work on my comedy, if I took the degree in Performing Arts I would realistically be at a disadvantage work-wise than I would if I was to use a Psychology degree to get work on the public sector (schools, NHS, the council etc.) At the same time, I do not want to be trapped in a job which inhibits my performance in stand-up. I am more likely to hit a road block in stand-up if my work hours are fixed and not convenient for travel at night, to evening gigs. That isn't to say that this wouldn't happen if I took wor in theatre or other Performance subjects... see, I don't know what I'm talking about now, AAGH! This is doing my friggin' nut in!
Sorry, I went a bit too northern there. The more I think about the decision I need to make, the more frustrated I become. I have until the end of the year to make a decision, and either way, I do not consider this year or any of my time spent at university to be a waste, because I have made wonderful friends, and had wonderful experiences, and I'm only a few months into the course! Please, I need people to respond to this and give me their thoughts, even if its totally unrelated, I just need to know what you think (normally I wouldn't, I mean its nice to hear from you, but I'm not the sort who counts how many hits I've had and lives for positive feedback, this blog is just a thinking pot for me, and a good way to update my friends on what I think.)
If nothing else then answer me this: Given this situation, what would you do?
Let me just start by saying I am not a critic, well I suppose in one way I am, in that I am offering an opinion of something I have experienced. But in that sense anyone who ever offers an opinion is a critic (barring the ones who are offering an opinion on something they haven't experienced at all, they are just idiots.)
Let me start by saying I have not seen much of Jo Brand in her stand-up, and therefore can base my opinion of her only on what I have seen on QI, bits and bobs of television, and of course her wonder work for comic relief (I have a high opinion of any of the stars who appear on comic relief, and hope some day I might get the chance to be a part of it.)
If you have ignored that video and carried on reading because you've 'seen it before', stop and watch the damn video, I'll wait for you...
Isn't that fab? anyway anyway anyway, having not experienced much of Jo Brand in stand-up which is what she is most well known for, I had the above and her appearances on QI to go by when reading her book. I hate to sound offensive to people of Jo Brands age but I love to hear stories from 'older people', by that I mean, people who were mature or reaching maturity (and I use the term loosely) in the sixties and seventies, so it was a wonderful read for me to see just how a typical or not so typical person lived before my time. Jo starts the book by telling us of her childhood, uninterrupted despite being moved from place to place. Her childhood sounds almost like a fantasy straight from 'Goodnight Mr Tom' about urban south londoners stealing themselves to the countryside and the ups and downs it can have an the familial relationships. She describes a somewhat typical childhood, leading to a typical adolescence until she moved to a grammar school out of town, where she decided to rebel against her parents' decision to move her from one school to another, which sounds pretty reasonable for a teenage girl to do when you think about it. She goes on to describe a number of incidences since she left home following an argument with her parents which somehow lead to her entering university onto a course of study which would ultimately lead her to a position as a psychiatric nurse. This interested me, as I am both in university, and have studies psychology at university level.
Her charming description of what would be considered ordinary to most people are actually a rather sweet read as she builds to the finale of her entering the world of stand-up comedy, it really does highlight the idea that a comedian (or comedienne in this case) can come from just about anywhere. A theme of the book does seem to be feminism, which is also a theme of most of her material, which is another reminder of the time she grew up in and reached maturity. Throughout the book Jo mentions several incidents were she was both affected and disaffected by men, and it was of a time during the seventies and eighties were women were just about reaching equality in the social world, while still being some time off in the world of work.
Today, the world of comedy, stand-up in particular, is still a male dominated world, which is a such a shame because it makes things more intimidating for a lot of talented female artists who might otherwise be discouraged. Having said that, it is no walk in the park no matter what the gender, Jo really brings it home how difficult it can be starting on the road of the stand-up, right when the scene was developing a market for the alternative.
For anyone interested in the subjects mentioned, I would recommend this book (which I am sure will soon hit paper-back, and therefore be cheaper) Fantastic non-fiction about a much loved personality and articulated author.
I am condensing the evaluation of week two and the epilogue because essentially they are the same thing.
In terms of performance, this week was somewhat of a let down compared to last week, hitting a low point on wednesday when a large amount of the students in the performance did not attend. This was unfortunate in two major ways, one is that obviously we lacked the amount of people needed to achieve the effect we have been achieving in terms of how the audience react to us, which changed the general atmosphere of the piece. The second let down was that logistics dictated some people had to move around, between green company and blue company we gained roughly three or four extra people. These people obviously did not known the choreography that blue company had been using to wow the crowd, neither did we have time to drill everyone in what they had to do, simply because when on the roof it is rather important that we are not seen. In the end, the maneuvers were scrapped and we simply improved some 'lookout' positions mixed with a generally watchful stance.
We haven't finnished yet though, I am writing this now on the Thursday before the Friday which will be Alpha groups final performance evening, I am expecting tomorrows performances to be a fantastic farewell to the show for me, I will feel a sense of accomplishment having stuck it out this long where others have simply drifted from the norm.
The course of the show has inspired me, but I only see this now in the final week. After attending the workshops with the creative director of Slung Low, I am truly surprised at how much has gone into this show, this is why I was so crestfallen to hear the numbers are dipping. I appreciate art, and although there is a small amount of percieved toffery in the idea of 'theatre as art' I do genuinely thing that BtFL is such a creative, innovative contemporary piece of site-specific theatre that it is a shame that more people have not taken the oppertunity to be a part of it. I also feel that after this show, I will be studying thatre mainly in small studios and perhaps slightly larger indoor theatres at Uni which simply will not compare to the project about to come to a close at the Lowry. I guess I'm trying to say that, it will be hard to top BtFL this year, and certainly difficult to top through the course of my studies here at university. From rehearsal to performance and everything inbetween I have learned the most important thing for a project like this to work is motivation, entheusiasm and focus.
Yes I got tired, and yes there were moment when I thought of switching off and being in the performance instead of a part of it, I am so glad I did not give in to those urges. The Slung Low team have been working at this none stop for the past few weeks, not to mention all the planning beforehand, and now I hear they are going from this production streight into another one, which inspires me. How on earth can I complain that my legs are hurting when these guys have put their waking lives on hold to get this thing done?
So yes, in closing; entheusiasm, focus, motivation and perhaps a touch of insanity. Lesson learned!
I've gathered a few reviews for those who are interested in seeing what the buzz is about this production I've been blabbering on about, its not all good mind but I think generally it speaks an atmosphere of promise and potential. Lets start from the top
The Guardian writes: "Slung Low shows how regional theatre can stay fresh"
This review speaks quite highly of the piece (which I am all for, then again I don't know many people who don't like having smoke blown up their arse... just as I'd typed that I realised what I'd said.) My particular highlight of the article is:
"This is precisely the sort of big thinking that will keep regional theatres fresh, and ought to make a lot of those in London chasing an increasingly oversubscribed pot start thinking seriously about trying to make work outside the capital."
- Andrew Haydon, 2009†
Yes, I totally agree! One of the most captivating aspects of this show is that it is out of regular theatre and that involvement with the outside environment is what adds a huge amount of realism to the project. In Beyond the Front Line, the line between reality and story, audience and cast, stage and... not stage are blurred just enough for the audience (actually I don't like the term audience for this piece, I'm going to use the term 'participants') to trust in the performers, which is exactly what they would do if that situation was really going on!
Next, the Telegraph writes: "Beyond The Front Line lacks sufficient theatrical fire power"
This one ends on a rather unflattering note, which I am not too pleased about (who saw that coming?) The review begins with a description of the show and admits it is a worthy subject to honour, and describes the first half of the show (while complaining about having to be outside in the cold weather,) and then...
"...it’s downhill all the way. There’s some complicated, rather pointless palaver in another tent, during which the audience is required to shift empty hospital beds this way and that to the sound of a newly composed requiem. And then it’s on into an opened-up lorry to write a postcard of support to one of ‘our boys’, a process that crosses the line into the realm of sentimental manipulation. One hour in, and it’s over. Promising, yes, but woefully incomplete - and that’s not good enough, really, for Britain’s finest"
- Dominic Cavendish, 2009
Now, I'm not saying that this guy needs to grow a pair of testes before moaning that the piece he has gone to see isn't finished, lacks meaning or that is ends with a "shivery conclusion outdoors" (news flash, its Salford Quays in the fall.) All I'm saying is if he wanted to see a show where the message is handed to him on a silver platter, nice and warm and snug inside of a theatre, with lots of bright lights and moving pictures to keep his attention, White Christmas starts in November (Check it out, I just reviewed someones review, its breaking all the rules!)
"The final scene is particularly muddled and as we are ushered into an impressive infirmary tent, we are greeted by a rather long and pointless dance of hospital beds. Despite some beautiful live music and singing by Rosalind Hind, this ethereal sequence lacks any real content and certainly doesn’t give answers to what we have experienced so far."
- Clare Howdon, 2009†
I suppose that is fair, I mean really while the outside of the hospital tent is all us soldiers get to see, we did get a chance to take part in an early concept of the bed ballet, I thought it was very effective, but then again we did have a coreographer telling us exactly what to do, I imagine the function might be a little more ambiguous if everything is done by nothing but gesture.
If you would like to find more reviews of the show, you can just do what I did and google it, and if you come across this blog in the process, I wouldn't bother reading it, because I wrote it! (get it?.. nevermind.)
Ok guys, I've saved the performances deliberately for one big post because as is usually the case with theatre (barring stand-up) most shows are the same, but boy do I have a lot to tell about this week!
Lets start with Monday, the first performance of BtFL. I am going to say flat out, the first of the three shows of the evening; Blue Company was not very organised considering we only have about ten minutes exposure to the audience. This woke us up so to speak, we thought "oh right, well, this is damaging what we have worked for, so lets try a new angle." Its hard to organise a group of people who have essentially been thrown into a production together, particularly considering you have the 'thespian types' such as the bossy boots, the stubborn mules, the jokers, the coasters and the person who sits in the corner screaming "Its all gone horribly wrong!" which to be fair is usually the director. So we waited for the next chance to get it right, but when it was time to get up and do our bit, an atmosphere of total control came over the group, the idea that 'yeah actually, this is going to look good because we will make it look good.'
I have said this before but I am at this point going to reiterate it simply because it has grown truer over the course of the week: the biggest challenge of this production is keeping focus and maintaining enthusiasm. I consider myself as quite a sentimental person, I think you have to have some ounce of sentiment to you to be able to create, whether that be through theatre (which I like,) writing (which I love,) art (which I live for) or performance (which I'd die for!) So this project has really struck a chord for me, the fact that the motive behind this piece of amazing theatre is that of compassion and not greed. It is a chance to reach an audience of everyday (sentimental?) people with a morally provocative message that is not politically or economically driven, but simply discusses the concern of human life and simply pays mention to the sort of thing we prefer to push to the back of our minds...
Anyway anyway anyway, I'm rambling which is not good, now where was I...
Ah yes! so that was the Monday (oh god we have three more days to go through.) The Wednesday was more of the same really, except I was able to re-read and therefore properly reference a blog posted by the shows director Alan Lane on the subject of the thoughts behind BtFL:
If I am honest it is simply that this show was thought of in a different reality than we now exist. A reality where neo-nazis didn’t use the cover of troop support to start riots. Where the loss of our Army’s young soldiers was still infrequent enough to be arresting rather than the regular, too frequent sickening beat of grief.
And for the first time we find ourselves sitting in meetings demanding not just a specifity of action but a pin point accuracy to meaning. My enemy’s enemy is not my friend and I will not, no matter how accidentally stand next to the EDL and their petty little shams. And to wander, however well meaning, into the real life grief of parents coping with the very worst of events is not a line I want the show to cross.
- Alan Lane 2009†
I know I quoted a lot there but I really do not want to take any of what Alan has said out of context, it really get the messege across of what I was trying to say earlier (and if you are unfamiliar with the EDL or 'English Defense League', they are rather not nice people, and thats putting it in the mildest british witticism I could think of.) He is talking about some of the strange idea's people get in their head when they see something like this, it provokes certain thoughts in these people and they use it as propaganda for their cause "We wouldn't need to send out boys out there if the world was more like us" sort of thing, if you get the picture. What you can draw from the directors post on the subject is that this show is stepping so far away from being fuel for a political flame and saying "No, this is why we are here, and this is the only reason we are here!"
Sorry I just realised I started doing it again, I'll stop now and concentrate on my reflection of the past week. The only problem is that all I can say for the week is; the closer I got to the last show on Friday, the more my enthusiasm waned, and as a result, my focus started to slip... until something totally unexpected happened...
Out of the blue (and in hindsight I suppose it is actually quite a likely thing if you were looking for things relating to BtFL) I imagine when the people of Slung Low were looking into reviews (I'll write a new post soon on the reviews of the show) that BtFL has been getting, they found my blog. I have been totally honest in writing my blogs on the subject of BtFL (mostly due to the idea that nobody reads it, so I have no reason to be dishonest,) and so I was a little bit shocked that Alan even knew my name let alone mentioned that others from the company besides himself have read it, and I have to say I am very flattered. I don't know if any of the other cast has blogged on the subject besides what is already on Slung Low's website but I'd certainly be interested in what the other soldiers and nurses are taking from the experience. I will continue to blog, and continue to be honest as is a sentimental soldiers nature (har har) but I was so completely blindsided by the thought that more than two/four people read this thing, so thank you to Slung Low for showing an interest in what even I dubbed "Just an extra", I can safely say that my focus and enthusiasm has only been this peaked when I first heard the words "You will be performing at the Lowry".
In just fifteen minutes I am to set off for the Lowry for the one o'clock rehearsal (yes, it takes me an hour to walk there. At this point I must have a arse like granite.) We get one rehearsal, then its time to start the shows.
Since last Monday we have worked almost none stop to get this right, to bring it all together with every person fully committed to their piece of performance, and I am not nervous at all. Normally before a show I get 'the buzz', that feeling of adrenaline pumping not through fear or anger but through something completely expected and anticipated, it is a hard feeling to describe, but luckily it is better just to feel it than to describe it. Blue company is so distanced from the audience that I don't know if I will get to feel the buzz that I look forward to feeling, this concerns me because quite often its that feeling which drives me forward to do my utmost particularly when the odds are against me, if I'm not getting the feeling of giddy anxiousness then I don't really feel part of the performance, I really am just an extra.
No matter, I am sure we are prepared enough and the shows will go well.
Ok so I have been hammering BtFL recently just because thats simply all Ive been able to think about for the past week, but I think its only fair I prove I still have a sense of humour.
These videos are fantastic, you can take a look at my three favourites here but I suggest you go to youtube and look at some of the others that people have made. The concept is basically to describe the film in five seconds, they soemtimes take more but its the joke you want, Just take a look and I promise you'll laugh.
